In laws

[familyiswhatmatters]

Hi everybody,due to my past I can come off as being cold / made of stone etc. I'm very uncomfortable with any affection i.e. Hugs and generally lovey dovey touching. Now my issue is my father in law every time I see him tells me he loves me and texts me saying I'm such a good wife and mommy etc and finishes every text with I love you and xxxxx. This is coming from my father in law !! I find it violating. aibu to find this very very disturbing and awkward and uncomfortable. Surely there should be rules to not say I love you on every text followed by xxxxx.i don't even text my husband that !! Am I just being a cold hearted jac naylor (holby city addict)

YABU

I'd find that extremely uncomfortable too. Have you asked him to stop? Or asked your DH to tell him? I don't do emotions with my parents/in-laws and I'm not a hug person. It's very uncomfortable. I'm probably on the spectrum, but I like my personal space, metaphorically and physically. Could you tell him?

Accept his affection for you even if you don't share it!!
I would love to have a family member feel something for me!!

Does he do it to other people too? If it's just his way then just accept it, he means no harm. Maybe he is overcompensating if he picks up on how you are?

Sorry but in the kindest way possible, I think you're being a bit unreasonable. And I do say that as someone who is extremely uncomfortable with affection from friends and family. Some people are just very affectionate.

However it wouldn't be at all unreasonable for you to say something along the lines of "hey FIL, i know you love me/care a great deal and I really appreciate that you're able to be so open with your affection/praise, but I do find it a bit too much sometimes. Any chance you could dial it back?"

Or something either a bit blunter or more sensitive. Someone else will likely be able to tell you a much better way to phrase it because your comfort is just as important as his. However I do think you are a little overboard finding it violating/disturbing.

This really doesn't need to be a big deal.
He signs texts with 'I love you' - so what? This isn't some kind of secret harassment, it's just the way he is.
And he pays you compliments - is that really so hard to tolerate?

If you find it violating and inappropriate, and it makes you uncomfortable, then it would be perfectly reasonable for you to ask him to stop it.

If he's reasonable, he'll say something like, "OK, I didn't realise you didn't like it, I'll stop." If he comes back with something more angry then he's telling you a lot about himself.

YANBU to feel uncomfortable and anyone who is telling you otherwise is wrong. They are essentially telling you that your feelings don't count.