To not let DChild play out

[CotswoldsFargo]

We live in a very pretty Touristy village. It's very close to a major duel-carriage A road, i.e. from our front door we can see the road which leads onto the slip road to the A road. The A Road frequently is closed due to traffic accidents and then motorists use our village as a cut through. The village is long and straight so at other times, motorists shoot through at 40mph.

None of this has been a problem and we have lived here several years. However, over the past month or so some kids have been playing out on the street unsupervised. They look about 7 and 11. They play on scooters and zoom up and down the road, basically they hang outside the village pub and then outside our door. I think their dad goes to the pub and lets them play unsupervised outside.

Things have escalated and my DChild (aged 10) wants to join them. I said No, but DH over-ruled me last night and let our DC out to play with them. Fortunately it started to rain so I opened the front door to call my DC inside, only to see the Dad with the kids about to cross the road. I don't know who he is, I presume he's the Dad as I've seen him with them a couple of times. He stays at the pub late and I hear them walking home at midnight.

I think this is too dangerous on every level. I've tried to put most of this in the OP so that I don't drop feed later.

I think that it would be irresponsible of me to let DC out onto a busy road with people we don't know who have a more relaxed view of child rearing than me. There. I've said it.

As for inviting them in, I wouldn't mind if it was for an hour. But last week the kids were banging on the door of the kids who live next door and all of them ran riot until 12.30am.

Entirely up to you, you know the situation and your child better than strangers on the internet. But it seems odd you saying about letting them out to at on a busy road, surely they are playing on the pavement not the road so should be safe as long as they are capable of following rules such as don't cross the road. There must be quieter roads in the village behind your house for example, could they play there? I can't imagine being 10 and not being able to play out. We live on a busy road but my kids 10 and 7 play in the back alley behind our houses and some quieter streets behind that.

YANBU

When my DC play out, I'm constantly watching them. The road near me gets boy racers on motorbikes speeding down it. Also out neighbour deals drugs so there sometimes people hanging around. All makes me very nervous.

I seem to be the only one that is concerned about this as no one else keeps an eye out and their kids run riot

Although I understand your reservations I am not sure you are doing your 10 year old any favours by not letting them develop the independence that comes from things like playing out.

Thank you for your replies. There isn't a pavement as such. Imagine a market square or a village green where cars are parked and there's a little gap for pedestrians between the parked cars and the houses / shops. It's a bit like that.

YANBU. I live on a very quiet road, but we have a few neighbours who speed around the corner like absolute tossers. We have no actual pavement here, so my kids play on the front garden only or go to the park. It's not worth the risk if you're not comfortable with it. And on a side note, who lets their kids out banging on doors until the early hours? ! That's extremely disrespectful of people trying to sleep.

Is there literally no other space in the entire neighbourhood where they could play out than this road?

At 10yo I really don't see the problem tbh - sorry!

There really is no other space - it's one thorough-fare and then people's houses and then the A road.

It's the behaviour of the other kids though. Last night they banged on our door at 9.30pm then ran away laughing. I don't want my child to be caught up in this type of behaviour. I don't know who they are. They've appeared this summer.

Am drip feeding, sorry.

We moved here 3 years ago. We used to live in a cul de sac with a park. DC played out a lot and we had no problems as all the other kids and parents were on the same agenda and we would all look out for each other's kids.

Here, I am very uncomfortable with DC playing out with these kids on this road.

TBH, busy road or not, they sound like the kind of kids who need a few boundaries. No wonder they've got none when dad's busy getting pissed in the pub til midnight.

I can see what you mean OP. And I can understand where you are coming from. There are so many dangers out there and you just want to protect him. Which is fair enough.

But I also think that your DS will have so much to gain from playing out with the other kids too. How much fun did we have as kids ourselves playing in the streets riding bikes, playing tag, or playing other games. So much social skills to be learnt too. Kids these days have their heads buried into a tablet, going online and they are not necessarily safe there either.

I'm sure you can give your DS some boundaries/rules for playing out and you can also supervise him too. Wrapping them up in cotton wool isn't doing them any favours.

So, the kids are playing outside again and I've seen them go unsupervised onto the little road that leads to the slip road. I feel really uncomfortable about this. Fortunately my DC has a school friend round so cannot join them

well if you want to keep your child under constant supervision its entirely up to you however yabu to question other peoples judgement my son aged ten plays out on our estate i dont see him for an hr or so at a time but he will be going to secondary school in just over a yr he needs some independence

As I said in my OP- it's the fact that we live so close to a road where there seems to be a RTA once a week. Thanks.

Follow your instincts!

I let my son play out with our neighbour but not when his goes to his cousins house. For the only reason that I know our neighbour & his parents but I don't know the children in his cousins road. As far as I'm concerned it's my son and I would never forgive my self if something happened

I know an area that sounds very familiar to what you're describing.
Might not be the same one but.. Is it in London, and begins with B?

I wouldn't let my DS play outside in an area like that. DH was wrong to undermine you, and let him out (especially if he knew how you felt about it). I think you need to sit your DS down, and let him know that it was a one off, and explain that it won't be happening in future (obviously explaining why). Maybe coming up with an alternative may help soften the blow.. slightly.

I think I would say no too, because of the car danger and because of the other kids behaviour. Both would be very hard for you to have any control over. But if there was a shop/quieter area I would let him walk up there with a friend to gain independence, or drive them to a local place where they can explore more safely.

I think it depends on your child.

At 10yrs, most children can follow instructions, return home at an agreed time and remember road safety rules. If your dd is trustworthy and fairly sensible then I think she should be allowed out to play.

Obviously if she breaks your rules or can't return home at the right time then she loses that privilege.
I would be encouraging her to play out with other children from the village though. There must be others from the local primary that she knows?