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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not sure what to make of this situation?

16 replies

5LittleSpeckledFrogs · 01/07/2017 02:41

I'm currently looking into childcare and I visited one childminder last week and from my perspective it went really well and the visit ended on a positive note. The childminder said that she would email me some documents later that night.

I waited but never received anything. The next day I still hadn't received anything so that night I sent a quick email thanking her for inviting us round and said we were still interested in a place for our child. Still nothing.

I left it as that until Thursday. I decided to call just to make sure everything was all right. I tried calling but the phone went straight to voicemail. Thought nothing of it and so tried again later in the day, same thing. I by now started to suspect it might be more than her just being busy.

So yesterday I tried again, same thing, it went straight to voicemail. I then went on Google for possible reasons and one of them was that you have been blocked. It further went on to say that you can see if you've been blocked by ringing from another number or try turning your caller ID off, so I turned my caller ID off and called her and it went straight through and I started panicking because it's apparent to me now I was blocked so I'm well aware I'm the last person she wants to speak to.

She answered, I said it was me and I was just calling as I hadn't heard just wanted to make sure all was ok. She went all flustered, said she had been busy, then started saying something else but the phone started breaking up and then the line went dead.

As I said it's quite obvious for whatever reason that she doesn't want to hear from me, that's fair enough. What I'm struggling with is how she has gone about it, to me her behaviour just seems really strange.

I suppose there might be a innocent explanation for all this but I'm struggling to come up with one. The whole thing to me is just really weird.

OP posts:

Cavender · 01/07/2017 02:49

I think you've dodged a bullet there to be honest.

You need to be able to deal straightforwardly and honestly with a childminder. Clearly this person isn't able to do that.

It's her issue, not yours.

Move on and look for someone else.

Deemail · 01/07/2017 02:57

That sounds odd, I agree you dodged a bullet. If it were a case that something had come up she could've sent you an explanatory text when the call got "disconnected".
What's your social media settings like, could she have done a bit of stalking and jumped to conclusions. Do you have friends/acquaintances in common?

Original poster

5LittleSpeckledFrogs · 01/07/2017 03:19

I'm glad others find it odd, was beginning to wonder if it was just me.

My social media accounts are either really boring with hardly anything on them or as private as I can possibly get them. I can't think she'd find much online.

The only thing I can think of is my son did throw a tantrum whilst we were there, but he is 2 so tantrums are to be expected. He wanted to play in the garden, I said no and he threw a tantrum. I did try comforting him and then distracting him but sometimes doing that makes his tantrums worse so I then stayed close but left him to it. He soon calmed down and started playing, she even commented on how well he has settled.

OP posts:

sparechange · 01/07/2017 03:33

I bet she knows/recognises you from something awkward in the past...
Do you have an ex in common? Did you bully her at school/she bully you?
Any mutual friends one of you has fallen out with? Do you have a sibling or DH that she desperately fancied and made of fool of herself chasing?

Original poster

5LittleSpeckledFrogs · 01/07/2017 06:30

I don't recognise her or her name from anywhere. I'm pretty certain we've never been to the same school, college, or work place.

There is a chance that our paths have crossed before I suppose.

I've checked Facebook and we don't have any mutual friends on there.

OP posts:

araiwa · 01/07/2017 06:58

She doesnt want to take care of your kid/deal with you- pretty obvious

greenlavender · 01/07/2017 07:03

It was the tantrum I expect. Tantrums aren't inevitable in 2 year olds especially not in unfamiliar circumstances. She most probably thought he was too much to handle.

ChasedByBees · 01/07/2017 07:08

I agree it was probably the tantrum but to just block you afterwards would be quite unprofessional.

JustMumNowNotMe · 01/07/2017 07:09

Tantrums aren't inevitable in 2 year olds?! Really? Those emotionally unstable things that are prone to bouts of overwhelming emotion/frustration?! If you say so green....😂😂

OP tantrums are part of the course with childcare, it won't be that.

My guess is she cocked up and realised after yoyr meeting that she couldn't accommodate your son due to her ratios but rather than juwt be an adult and explain this, she's tried to avoid you instead. Forget about it and move on.

Original poster

5LittleSpeckledFrogs · 01/07/2017 07:22

I'm not going to contact her anymore, I already have someone else lined up.

I think what gets to me the most is her behaviour. If she really didn't want to take my son on for whatever reading I would rather she was upfront and honest, or if she didn't feel she could be honest then at least make up some excuse.

I would never be able to get away with avoiding and/ or blocking clients in my job.

As for whether tantrums are normal, I know loads of people who work/ have worked in nurseries (my mum and sister for instance) and they seem to think his tantrums are normal.

OP posts:

user1497480444 · 01/07/2017 07:28

I doubt it is anything personal, I think it is far more likely that she was hoping to leave you dangling whilst she waited to here back from a better offer, maybe someone with more children, or who's hours suit her better, etc

Nanna50 · 01/07/2017 07:30

It was the tantrum but I think she handled it badly.

He has a tantrum because he can't play in the garden and his mum can't distract him or calm him so leaves him to it, the childminder has to think how she will be able to handle him when she has other children to look after.

Oh I also know a childminder who will only have girls because boys are too much bother!

Original poster

5LittleSpeckledFrogs · 01/07/2017 08:03

Well, as I said I'm not contacting her again and if (in the unlikely event) she contacts me then I'll be telling her no.

We obviously aren't suited to each other so like the first two people who responded said I've dogged a bullet.

Thanks all for your replies, they've all been helpful.

OP posts:

ScissorBow · 01/07/2017 08:08

Similar happened with me and a childminder although eventually she sent a text saying sorry but my DD is too close in age to another child she minded (they're now in the same preschool and get on brilliantly - such a shame they didn't meet earlier) But the age thing is a total cop out answer because she knew her DOB when I contacted her!!! Some childminders are odd. You've dodged a bullet and now I know more about the one who rejected me I'm even happier

Original poster

5LittleSpeckledFrogs · 01/07/2017 09:37

It just doesn't make sense, not sure why they can't just be upfront and honest in the first place!

OP posts:

Nanna50 · 01/07/2017 12:06

I think some would be honest, but not all childminders are equal and after the way she behaved you wouldn't want your child going to her. Perhaps your son had a tantrum because he knew she was no good and wanted to be in the garden to be away from her

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