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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To live where I want to without ex partner's agreement

26 replies

user1498221998 · 30/06/2017 15:08

I have been offered a house in Rusholme in Manchester. I know it's rough but it's walking distance to my work, an outstanding rated primary school nearby and walking distance of all my friends and amenities.

I cannot afford to but anywhere and I haven't been able to swap my house to a 'nice' area. I don't think it's so rough that my Son's ;life withh be endangered by living there.

At the moment I live in a village far away from my work, no family or friends there, no car. I very excited to move.

My ex, who sees our Son every other weekend for about one night (inconsistent and never bothers to make an arrangement to see him at a set day and time) doesn't want me moving there as it's rough. But unless he want's to buy me my own home in Cheshire somewhere I don't think he has any right to stop me moving. He earns minimum wage, can hardly afford to rent the place he does have. I really don't think he has much right to complain. He says he's going to stop me moving but I'd like to see how far he gets.

Our Son is not in school yet but will be in a year and a half.

AIBU to move where I think is in mine and my Son's best interests?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 30/06/2017 15:11

Just move. Flowers

He's not going to be able to prevent you unless it's much further away than now

MitzyLeFrouf · 30/06/2017 15:13

Get packing!

RandomMess · 30/06/2017 15:19

He could go to court to try and obtain a prohibitive steps order.

However if you agree to do the travelling for contact (which is relatively infrequent and he doesn't stick to) then I think he would struggle to obtain one as it won't impact significantly impact on the current arrangements.

Perhaps the starting point would be that you offer to do one leg of journey - to collect him as it would then be very unreasonable of your ex to take you to court over the issue.

gillybeanz · 30/06/2017 15:27

Tell him to get a better job and buy your son a house in a nice area.
That should shut him up.

You need to be near to work so you can put a roof over your son's head, he doesn't have to consider this, by the sounds of things.

Just pack and move, it's nothing to do with him where you live.

Original poster
user1498221998 · 30/06/2017 15:27

Where I'd be moving to is NEARER for him to travel to

OP posts:
Roomster101 · 30/06/2017 15:31

I'd love to know how he thinks he can stop you moving if you will be closer to him.

SasBel · 30/06/2017 15:33

Move, sounds like your ex is trying to control you.
Enjoy your new home.

WannaBe · 30/06/2017 15:34

Just smile and nod and say "okayyy then," then carry on. He'll be laughed at if he tries to stop you given that you moving wouldn't be impacting on his relationship with ds any....

Don't give it another second's thought.

Alittlepotofrosie · 30/06/2017 15:36

If you're moving nearer he really doesn't have a leg to stand on.

luckylucky24 · 30/06/2017 15:48

Sounds like he is just causing trouble. Do it anyway.

RandomMess · 30/06/2017 15:50

Hilarious, no there is nothing he can do then!

Crack on with it Grin

CryptoFascist · 30/06/2017 15:50

Well isn't he a controlling twat, I wonder why you split up!

Strongerwithoutyou · 30/06/2017 15:51

I think it depends on how much of a Twat your ex is. I'm in a similar situation, looking to move 29 miles away, happy to do all travelling to enable contact, move won't impact on contact time with dd... and I think he's STILL planning to try for a PSO just to be bloody awkward Hmm

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/06/2017 15:51

Ignore him. Chump. Do what's best for you and your son.

You want to move closer and he's complaining? Doesn't know he's born.

missiondecision · 30/06/2017 15:53

As a parent it's natural to worry.
You can't blame him for that.
Assuming he is not trying to assert control over you.
Reassure him with the positives in your ds life that will be apparent with the move.
I'd do it in writing (or even a text if that's what you usually do to make access arrangements) because he can't turn it into an argument.
It's not his decision. He is being UR.

DrunkUnicorn · 30/06/2017 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HoneyIshrunktheBiscuit · 30/06/2017 16:01

Rusholme isn't so bad. Much worse places in Manchester.

WatchingFromTheWings · 30/06/2017 16:07

Just don't discuss it with him any further. On moving day text him your new address.

Motoko · 30/06/2017 16:08

How's he planning on stopping you, court? If he's on a minimum wage job, it's unlikely he could afford the court fees.

Besides which, I don't think he'd have a leg to stand on.

Move to your new house.

indigox · 30/06/2017 16:12

Why are there so many threads recently about people swapping council houses to "bad areas in Manchester"?

HoneyIshrunktheBiscuit · 30/06/2017 16:22

indigo no idea especially since the housing crisis in Manchester is so bad I've got homeless care leavers having to wait two years for accommodation.

FizzyGreenWater · 30/06/2017 16:24

'inconsistent and never bothers to make an arrangement to see him at a set day and time'

'Stop pissing around trying to control what I do for no fucking reason other than your arsiness, or I will get arsey in return and insist you pull your socks up and commit to a set day and time for contact. Now bugger off'.

titchy · 30/06/2017 16:25

Probably as this is the same poster who'd decided to stay in her much better area a week ago

Original poster
user1498221998 · 30/06/2017 16:26

indigox they are from me. I have written about this before,

Anyway,is just texting him my new address okay?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1498221998 · 30/06/2017 16:27

I have decided to move after all. Not to an awful area but I considered Rusholme was a decent enough area to warrant moving.

OP posts:
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