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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to shower alone!

49 replies

ZestyLimeAndKiwi · 30/06/2017 09:13

I love DD. She is a gorgeous girl and an easy baby.
I love OH. He is a gorgeous man and easy to live with.
I do not want them in the shower with me. However it seems more and more often when I am having a shower in the evening OH appears with DD in his arms telling me "She misses you!"
This also occasionally happens when I'm cooking dinner! DD is scrumptious and I would happily snuggle her all day but not when I'm in the shower! OH is generally good with her and takes over feeds when he gets home from work but I think he worries something will go wrong if I'm not there! I just need a little break and half an hour in the bathroom at the moment feels sacred!
Ahh feel so much better after that rant!

OP posts:

HerOtherHalf · 30/06/2017 10:04

Is he generally smothering you in other aspects of your life together too? This smacks of unhealthily obsessive behaviour dressed up to look cutesy and all about DD when actually it's all about him not being able to give you 5 minutes peace.

thereallochnessmonster · 30/06/2017 10:07

^^ this. It would irritate the fuck out of me.

TitaniasCloset · 30/06/2017 10:11

This would make me lose my mind. You have to tell him, and be firm, or you are going to become seriously overwhelmed and resentful. He is being a prat.

itsonlysubterfuge · 30/06/2017 10:20

Just be firm, tell him like it is. "I really need to time to myself. I love you both, but I need some me time. It's good for you to have some just Daddy and Daughter time too. If you really need me, than I'm here for you, but I really need this time in the shower just for me." Then politely scoot him out of the room with your DD in tow and get into the shower.

DH needed to build up his confidence a bit when he had DD alone for the first couple of times. Sometimes he doesn't get it when I'm telling him something and honest, up front is the best way to get it through.

Original poster

ZestyLimeAndKiwi · 30/06/2017 10:23

I wouldn't say he was smothering. We very much have our own groups of friends that we go out with by ourselves as well as "couple" friends. I think it's from lack of confidence with DD. She is our first and neither of us have younger children in our families. Will speak to him tonight :-)

OP posts:

20thcenturybitch · 30/06/2017 10:31

Locks are not at all hard to fit. Take a trip to b&q or similar today and do it before he gets home. I'm another one who cannot comprehend not having a lock on door. It's the first thing I did on a few occasions of moving into a house without one. Fit it quite high so you don't have to worry about toddler DC locking themselves in.

And explain the headspace thing to him again, make him understand you are serious. It's really important for your mental health just to get that little bit of time. New parenthood can be very suffocating for the SAHP.

Dibbles1967 · 30/06/2017 10:34

You need some private time.

I remember all too well sitting on the bathroom floor with my head in my hands & back against the door, just to get 5 minutes peace.

You really need to explain to DH that much as you love them both, you need a little private time. I'd want to scream. Your'e being very patient, but enough is enough!!!

DJBaggySmalls · 30/06/2017 10:37

If she misses you, his job is to distract her and build a relationship with her. Maybe some suggestions about activities she enjoys would help him if he lacks confidence.

limeandsoda93 · 30/06/2017 10:51

My DP has done this from the first day we were home from the hospital. Even if I leave the two of them downstairs they'll just happen to be playing in the bedroom outside the ensuite when I get out the shower. DD will be 1 next week and he still can't handle half an hour alone with her while I'm nearby. Get him told!

MickeyRooney · 30/06/2017 10:57

wowsers - he's a twat, isn't he?
he doesn't sound very invested in family life at all. did he want kids?

she's his child too, so he needs to learn not to palm her off on you the second he's left alone with her.
he needs a good hard slap as well as a talking to.

make the effort to fit a lock for your bathroom door.

WomblingThree · 30/06/2017 10:57

That's the thing though ZestyLimeAndKiwi. It's both of your first and neither of you have any experience. Why do you have to be the default parent who is expected to know what to do, while he gets to hide behind lack of confidence.

Don't make a rod for your own back.

NellieFiveBellies · 30/06/2017 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/06/2017 11:28

"We don't have a lock "
Get a lock.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/06/2017 13:17

You need to stop this nonsense right now or you will go completely insane. Your partner is blind to the fact that what he is doing is disrespectful and downright pathetic. He can't watch his own child for 30 fucking minutes??

HerOtherHalf · 30/06/2017 14:09

I wouldn't say he was smothering. We very much have our own groups of friends that we go out with by ourselves as well as "couple" friends. I think it's from lack of confidence with DD.

I'm confused. If he has the confidence to watch her for hours to let you go out then he can cope with her while you have a shower surely? Alternatively, if you going out by yourself was all pre-baby you need to consider the impact of not getting him confident to watch his own DD otherwise it will be a bloody long time before you will be able to enjoy getting out by yourself again.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 30/06/2017 21:28

HOH I thought that

w12newmum · 03/07/2017 06:30

YANBU,. My DP gets I need downtime but has a habit of calling me to come look at what DS is doing. Cute he finds DS fascinating but I see DS all day. I have told him to only call me in future for crawling, walking and talking .

cafetea · 03/07/2017 08:25

Perhaps he just runs out of ideas on how to interact with his dd. Give a time plan of activities and include a walk no matter the weather and schedule this for when you have finished your shower so you can rest and relax for 30mins or so afterwards. If it's a day when you are getting ready for work or an appointment then jsut say that you will be locking the door as you get ready. If no lock than find an object to put behind the door and put a notice on the outside of the door saying do not disturb.

CockacidalManiac · 03/07/2017 08:38

Don't lock the door, if you fall no one can get in.

Having a bolt on the door doesn't turn it into a bank vault. It's hardly difficult to get in if needed.
I can't understand why people don't have a lock on the bathroom door.

woodhill · 03/07/2017 08:42

Yes, get a lock.

KimchiLaLa · 03/07/2017 08:44

Sorry but he is making it seem like he's being sweet with all the "we miss you!". But he just wants you to hold the baby.

Cantchooseaname · 03/07/2017 09:00

Had this last week- husband had been away for 14 days. After he had been home couple hours I went for a bath... he brought our 1 year old to play whilst he made a cup of coffee.
I explained that I had managed to drink coffee/ have a wee/ clean there house, all with her in tow for 2 weeks.
I think head space is crucial.

MrsPringles · 03/07/2017 13:37

Get a lock asap. My evening bath away from DS and DH is my sanctuary, it's like going to a spa

Rainbunny · 03/07/2017 20:09

Seriously, go to your local DIY store and buy a door stopper!

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