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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is your job your main focus?are you a workaholic?

31 replies

whatisforteamum · 30/06/2017 07:40

I am always moaned at for putting my job first even though I work in an industry where shifts vary and I work unsociable hours.I get great satisfaction from work and have been doing 50 hr weeks sometimes up at 5 home at 1030.
Even my employer can't believe I'm happy enough doing the housework and gardening before cracking back on with a busy week.I'm only 50.I suffer anxiety so keeping busy helps with this.
I find more than a couple of days off very boring.Everyone tells me life is too short to spend at work.Who is right?

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 30/06/2017 07:45

The person who is sure about what makes them happiest is right.

Rainybo · 30/06/2017 07:46

Honestly? I would wonder if you're avoiding your anxiety in what is ultimately an unhealthy way. Perhaps you don't feel bored after a couple of days off, but anxious?

I only say that from experience - I've been like you but I have been working really hard on my anxiety over the last couple of years and that has had a huge impact on my drive to work hard and be the best at what I do.

What do your family think?

caffeinestream · 30/06/2017 07:47

I can't think of anything worse tbh, sorry OP.

Fairylea · 30/06/2017 07:48

If you're needing to keep busy to avoid anxiety then that's different than genuinely enjoying your job and being a workaholic (as my dad is, 78 and still working full time as a chief executive).

I wonder if you need to address your underlying anxiety - and I say that as someone who has chronic anxiety myself.

caffeinestream · 30/06/2017 07:50

I mean, don't get me wrong, I like my job but it's not the be-all and end-all of my day/week. I go in, do my job, go home and switch off. I occasionally do the odd bit of overtime to help out when I need the money but otherwise I value my down-time too much to ever be a career person!

Anatidae · 30/06/2017 07:55

Sounds hellish to me but if it works for you ....

user1495915742 · 30/06/2017 07:58

Everyone is different. Do whatever makes you happy.

TheNaze73 · 30/06/2017 08:00

It is for me. It provides for my children, my holidays & my home. Made sacrifices when I was younger to get the degree I wanted, to get the job I wanted.

EngTech · 30/06/2017 08:00

I was given some words of advice a few years ago by my doctor when I was working similar hours.

To paraphrase him the conversation went along the lines of:

"What part of death through stress, overwork, do you not understand?"

I listened 😀👍

OhTheRoses · 30/06/2017 08:01

Thinking about it I often work 45-50 hours a week as a professional and a manager. But DH works 60ish so not me who's the workaholic here.

We both happen to live work. We are also old (late 50s). Obvs I couldn't when the DC were smaller and had 8 years off but it was the previous 13 years that meant i could have those years off.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 30/06/2017 08:02

I love my job as it doesn't feel like work tbh I have noticed I feel down if I book a whole week off.Dh is moody and df is terminally I'll so free time gives me time too dwell and over think.
I used to work part time when dcs were young and the rest of the time was chores as dh worked lots of over time.
Myself and dh don't earn huge amounts and I love the extra pay.I work split shifts so don't get evenings off so my days off I recharge. Everyone thinks I should do fun things which is hard on week days off.I am used to it just being me.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 30/06/2017 08:04

Love work but I suppose we live it too. I don't see what's wrong with self discipline and commitment. On which note, must go ......

WankYouForTheMusic · 30/06/2017 08:05

No fucking danger.

But people should do what makes them happy. I'd still try and get some help for my anxiety, though. There may come a time when you're not able to work so hard, and then what will you do for a coping strategy?

OhTheRoses · 30/06/2017 08:05

Recharging is lovely. Long breakfasts, general pottering, gardening and coffee in the sun.

MissWilmottsGhost · 30/06/2017 08:06

If you enjoy it then fine.

I have friends who find keeping busy helps their mental health, so they do lots. For me, working is stressful and makes my health much worse, so I do as little as I can afford to.

Don't compare yourself to others, we are all different.

pinkdelight · 30/06/2017 08:07

I'm probably worse than you - got no interest in gardening or housework (have a cleaner so only do the bare minimum - think dishwasher loading level). Just the job and my family. Both of which I love and couldn't choose between, but I definitely spend way more time on my work, including most weekends. I don't have anxiety, but days off put me in a bad mood and I find leisure/tourism tedious. I get satisfaction from work, which to me is like intensive play is to a child. It gets me down when I can't do it.

Anatidae · 30/06/2017 08:08

Sorry to hear about dh. If work helps you cope then use it.

OllyBJolly · 30/06/2017 08:09

I love my work. It's incredibly rewarding and I work with such great people. It's a real privilege to get paid for doing something I enjoy so much. There are times it is stressful, and some stuff can be boring, but that's all balanced out with the positives.

I have a fantastic husband (and work to him is just a way to earn a living- no job satisfaction there!). I have two adult independent DCs who I love dearly. It's my work that gives me real joy.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 30/06/2017 08:16

Oh good pink delight I find shopping fun but less so now I'm older .my mood drops when I'm too bored.I never understood my dh doing long weeks before his heart attack but I get a huge buzz from having somewhere to be and the challenge of a busy day.I can't lie in so days off I catch up on TV as I can't watch it during my working week and generally eat nap and set up my uniforms for the week ahead.
It makes me sad or angry that people constantly cricise my decision s.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 30/06/2017 08:18

Engtech ha ha good advice from the gp :)

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 30/06/2017 08:19

Oh the roses yes coffee in the sun with my rabbits running around the garden....bliss

OP posts:
Original poster
whatisforteamum · 30/06/2017 08:22

I am similar ollybjolly....my dcs have developed my work ethic and employers have said they think its a positive thing.glad I'm not alone.I take my identity from my job too of which I'm proud.

OP posts:
Ladyformation · 30/06/2017 09:06

Yes, I'm proud of working hard and it's part of who I am. I average 60 hours + per week and I was an equity director at 27. DP works the same hours and we have the same approach to work, which helps, so neither of us feels like we're bored or left at home while the other obsesses over work and we understand how it has to come first a lot of the time. However, that also means that when we party we party hard and when we're on holiday we are 100% relaxed! Not interested in DCs either which I'm sure makes a huge difference.

I don't think there's anything wrong with being work-focused. Especially as a woman - I've never heard a man worry about being a workaholic.

Original poster
whatisforteamum · 30/06/2017 10:34

I agree lady I just think its a problem for people who enjoy socialising which I don't and I don't get paid when I'm off so the extra money comes in handy for a rainy day such as when df dies it will be one less concern.

OP posts:
araiwa · 30/06/2017 11:01

I go to work, enjoy it mostly and do it to the best of my abilities.

I prefer the weekend and holidays by far

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