to feel so wound up i have to punch my pillow

[Gomango]

dS is 18 but knows i cant sleep if i have no idea where he is or when hes back. Yet he does it again. Just going out for a bit it was at 8pm and hear nothing since.
Asked his dad (separated) to try him, he got no reply either. He then told me he was going back to sleep, ie dont bother me again!!!
Full on day at work in the morning and i will be shattered, grrrrtrrt

YABU for posting in AIBU when you're only after "sympathy". If you're not genuinely willing to hear that YABU then go elsewhere.

I can sort of see where you're coming from OP. My mum would never go to sleep until she knew I was home safe when I was 18. I never told her where I was, who I was with etc, I was too busy having fun. I was out most nights despite having college/uni and 2 part time jobs to hold down. Didn't come him til between 2 and 4 am most nights 😱 My mum never lectured me or rang me though.

He's an adult cut the apron strings.

We had a friend stay for a few months visiting from overseas. She's younger than we are but well over 18. Even then she would let us know her broad plans just out of consideration, and would come in quietly. We did the same - people want to know who is going to be in the house when. Nothing to do with being controlling. That said, at 18 he shouldn't need to tell you who he's with exactly - an idea of 'extra late' or 'not extra late' is very reasonable though.

I'm with you. I'm a cool mum who strongly believe in kids becoming independent and as such allowed my kids freedom earlier on. My boy was taking a 1/2 local bus journey on his own at 9yo and the train alone by the time he was 11yo.

However I freak out if I can't get a hold of them within 1/2 hour even though they are 14 and 17. I'm the same with my OH (within hours!).

The thing is they know that so all make an effort to send me quick texts. DD has gone to an attraction park today 3 hours away with her 18yo friend driving. She texted me as soon as she got there to let me know.

It's not much to do to allow me to not worry. It's a pity your son can't appreciate this.

Swing but will you still expect that when they're married?