To be Mrs R2G

[R2G]

I'm divorced for many years. Been in a new relationship as long as I was married. Ex husband is remarried and isn't very active in kids lives. I still use my married name Mrs R2G.
A discussion has been had with ex-SIL that they all think it's wierd I'm still Mrs R2G, and haven't moved on. I use it as I can't be arsed to change every passport, bank card etc... I am known professionally by it, I have kids and view it as our family name- rather than his name. It's now just mine and kids name. Just wondering AIBU? Apparently new wife detests me for it

You use the name professionally and share it with your children. Not unreasonable. It's your name.

New wife may have whatever she likes but she can't undo the fact that he was married before and has children. You changing your name is not going to change that fact and she just has to suck it up.

Keep your name.

I'd never change my name in the first place to be honest. But having done so, you have every right to use it.

Thanks Tired. It's really nothing about her/them. It irritates me they think I'm wierd for it.

It's your name and you can do what you like, new wife will just have to lump it. I've been divorced for 16 years and still use my married name because 1) I couldn't be arsed to change it, 2) it's also DS's name and 3) I prefer it to my maiden name. XH has been married and divorced again since and second wife even had the same first name as me!

Madame.. hilarious! Apparently they think I should now refer to myself as Ms. R2G

Oh ffs with the ms. Ms is bull.

Ms is not bull, it means Fuck Off, my marital status is none of your beeswax... more women should use it

I tried when first divorced but find it hard to pronounce! Mzzzz...I get where you're coming from quantum but actually feel I do that By using mrs. Just sold our house - estate agent- is it miss, mrs? It's Mrs... my boyfriend has forever more been known as MR R2G... they were so surprised and confused when we started sending our documents to them. I thought it was me R2G...no you had assumed.

Have to admit I do find it odd that you couldn't be bothered to change your name after divorce but were happy to do so after marriage - same process, surely?

But don't change it because new wife is irritated. As you've said, it's a family name & DC have it.

Ms/Mrs/Mr matters not one bit. I am not married but regularly go by Mrs. Hey're not official titles.

My DM divorced my DF many years ago but kept her married name as it was our name (us kids) she went on to remarry and have more children and decided to go double barrelled as this meant she shared a surname with each of her children.

Nothing weird about it at all, you ex doesn't "own" the surname.

Do what you feel is right for you, your children and your DP. Anybody else can just suck it up.

My mum still uses her married name - she has been divorced for 21 years!

Thanks to follow. Occasional - it was a different time as a single parent to have the time or the money to do it... then the kids were at school and I preferred to be one family name. Ex has never been to either of their schools once.

It's not just me then pear!

Personally I think the whole idea of women taking their husband's name is archaic. But the fact you're feeling pressure to change from your married name is just more of the same bullshit. A woman doesn't have to change her name every time she marries or divorces. Why should our names be seen as temporary things? If you feel this is your name well this is your name. Fuck 'em.

Ha thanks Mitzy. I do get the archaic thing but I prefer the same name as kids ... if I were to remarry I wouldn't change again.

Nah I think that's fine my Mum devorced my dad and we kept his stupid name so that we all had the same one. Do whatever makes you and your children feel comfortable and together.

My sister refused to change her name on the principle that it wasn't her who cheated and then walked out.

Whatever your reasons for changing or not changing your name it's up to you, no one else's business. And the new wife needs to get over herself. When you marry someone with a past you have to accept that past as part of the package, particularly when there are children.

I thought the rule in the olden days was current Mrs R2G is called Mrs John R2G, any ex- or widowed Mrs R2G would be Mrs Mathilda R2G. Suggest the new Mrs R2G calls herself John (or whatever Mr R2G is called)?

YANBU at all! You want the same surname as your children, it is the hassle of changing it with a lot of organisations. You have moved on, you are not in regular contact with EXH, not holding on to surname to rile the new wife! You were Mrs R2G first, the past won't change if you change your name...you will always share your children, your past life and the new wife needs to accept that.

I would definitely keep my married surname...this is extremely outing but... the initial of my first name is 'X' and my married name fits perfectly to create a word... no, I am not X.Ma

I've been married and divorced twice!

First time round, I didn't change my name.

Second time - I kept my own name for work, but changed to married name outwith work. This was because my own surname, and first name, are very common and there was another woman living nearby with the same name. As far as I know we never met, but we used to pay each other's library fines by mistake. We were also register with the same GP though, and once I nearly ended up with her files being sent through to the doctor for my appointment - so that's why I changed to my then husband's name, which is an unusual one.

I then changed career and at that point, I changed to my married name for professional purposes too. Then, the marriage fell apart and we got divorced.

But, I cannot be arsed with all the hassle of changing the name by which I am now known. I have at least 3 email addresses in this name, and am registered for all sorts of things in this name.

So, yes, I'm another who's still (Mrs) Ex Husband's name. It's my name now!