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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a fair deal instead of child maintenance?

57 replies

Busybecca · 29/06/2017 22:18

I'm leaving DH. He currently pays £395 in maintenance for his two DC from a previous relationship. If my calculations are correct, I think in total he'll have to pay £640 in maintenance so £320 to his ex and £320 to me (willing to be corrected if I'm wrong - not sure if I'll get a higher proportion because we'll have three DC?)

The house I'm moving to is two miles from school and I'm due to have our baby on September 3rd so walking to school is going to be pretty impossible. Plus our older DC will only be 4 and 5 so it's a long way for them, too. I'm thinking of asking that he sign the car we currently have over to me (it isn't great - but it's better than nothing!) and continue to pay for its upkeep as well as to fill it (around £70) once a month instead of paying maintenance. AIBU to think this is fair or am I underselling myself/asking too much?

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 29/06/2017 22:19

You are underselling yourself.

Leave it to the CSA. Don't get into any bargains about petrol or anything. Just let them deal with it.

Rossigigi · 29/06/2017 22:19

You need to do what you think is best for you and your children

Smellbellina · 29/06/2017 22:20

I'd keep it simple and speak to CMS/legal advice and work off that

Original poster
Busybecca · 29/06/2017 22:20

There's no way I'll be able to afford a car by September though and therefore no way I'll be able to get the DC to school.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 29/06/2017 22:21

Money then you buy your own petrol etc

Crispmonster1 · 29/06/2017 22:21

Make it all legal whatever you decide.

MeanAger · 29/06/2017 22:22

Why does his maintenance to his older children reduce when you separate from him? I'm assuming it was already reduced for each of your DC coming along?

parklives · 29/06/2017 22:23

Get the money.

missiondecision · 29/06/2017 22:23

You are underselling yourself. If the car needs repairs Nx you are not getting maintenance, then what??

InDubiousBattle · 29/06/2017 22:24

Well getting the children to school is also his responsibility isn't it? A second hand car and £70 per month to raise 3 children? That doesn't sound like anything like enough. You need to go through the CMS

traviata · 29/06/2017 22:25

Are you married? You might well be entitled to a lot more than maintenance at CMS rates.

Do please get proper advice.

SomeKnobend · 29/06/2017 22:26

You keep the car because the kids need you to, and he pays you maintenance. Get some legal advice.

Syc4moreTrees · 29/06/2017 22:27

A taxi two miles won't cost much so you'd you'd be better with the money

Funnyfarmer · 29/06/2017 22:30

If you think it will work best for you all I think it's a good idea.
But you need to ask yourself and him the questions
What if the car was to break beyond repair. Would he be responsible for buying a new one?
Even if the damage was your fault?
What if you was to have an accident. Who would cover the cost until or if the insurance pays out?
Who's name would the insurance be in?
What if you was to have an accident and your insurance rocketed. Would he be responsible for covering the hike in payments?
What about ecses if the insurance was to pay out?
Would you not be able to afford to buy and run your own car out of the maintenance he would pay you other wise.
And of course it would all depend on how amicable you both are with each other.
Have you put this idea to him yet?

MeanAger · 29/06/2017 22:31

If he gives you £320/month then you'll have £640 by September which is enough for a cheap second hand car.

unfortunateevents · 29/06/2017 22:34

What happens when this not great car finally conks out? Does he have to buy a new car? What happens if he gets another unreliable one - do you get a say in this?

Love51 · 29/06/2017 22:36

Don't sign yourself into a long term crap deal for the sake of a very short time. Other solutions are available. Some schools make a walking bus available for a short time for families who need it due to health / new baby issues. Taxi seems expensive but it's cheaper than selling yourself short. Call in the odd favour for pick up. Revel in all the lovely exercise you'll all get. Possibly the dad would do his share?
Just options, although keeping the car AS WELL as cms obviously beats all these. Apart from the cardivascular benefits of walking, which my 5yo disputes.

SantanicoPandemonium · 29/06/2017 22:37

£320 a month can pay the finance and insurance on a wee run around with enough left over to stash away for repairs.

ChevalierTialys · 29/06/2017 22:37

Check the csa amount on their website calculator

Original poster
Busybecca · 29/06/2017 22:38

That's the way it works with the CSA MeanAger, it's not through my choice.

The car arrangement would be short term (say, til Christmas) until I've saved to buy one.

OP posts:
Love51 · 29/06/2017 22:38

Also letting him fill the car gives him a creepy amount of control. "there's an extra x mikes on the clock, where have you been, who were you with'.
Take the cash!

wildcoffeeandbeans · 29/06/2017 22:39

The starting point in divorce is 50% of all assets, plus CM and possibly also spousal support (usually for a set amount of time). I don't know what you currently own, but surely a not-great car isn't worth 18 years of CM?

wildcoffeeandbeans · 29/06/2017 22:40

Just saw your update. If it's only for a few months then okay, but keep the broader view in mind when splitting finances.

Original poster
Busybecca · 29/06/2017 22:42

No, he won't be doing any pick ups or drop offs. The taxi option would be around £16 per day so a lot over a month. The oldest DC is being assessed for autism and wouldn't accept going with anyone else, it's hard enough getting her there myself. Trying to walk two miles with a school refuser, just turned four year old and breastfed newborn every morning sounds like hell to me.

OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 29/06/2017 22:43

Does he pay his ex in a private arrangement or via the CSA?