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To give up and just do ALL the housework.

4 replies

Jijhebtseksmetezels · 29/06/2017 21:15

Not about a DH but a DS. He is 15 and in full moody teenager mode. He is extremely lazy around the house and it takes me so long to get him to do simple things such as washing up after a meal that I feel like it is easier to give up and do it myself.

I don't though. And it leads to terrible rows where he storms off swearing at me and slams the door so hard it makes the house shake.

And then there's the washing. I've told him that I am happy to do his washing but he has to a) pick his dirty clothes off the floor and out them in the laundry basket and b) allow me in his room to collect said laundry basket.

He does neither and if he catches me in his room trying to pick up his clothes / tidy up he goes ballistic at me. Sometimes he physically pushes me and he's kicked me twice.

So I told him he had to do his own washing. Of course he didn't and just went into school in crumpled smelly clothes. I wrote a timetable for him to help him to remember as he has a bad memory. Nothing over the top, just laundry and washing up. He takes no notice.

DM suggested that I go into his room whilst he's not there but it's hard because I'm always at work whilst he's at school and he barely leaves his room but also part of me thinks I shouldn't be such a pathetic mug, making a servant out of myself.

Tonight I've cut off his wifi and pinned a list of expectations on the wall that he needs to fulfill (no swearing, pushing, etc) before he gets his wifi back.

Am I being a complete bitch and should I just do everything for him, chalking this period in his life up to teenage hormones or should I continue with the tough love and put up with the abuse in the hope it'll calm down.

I don't know what to do and I feel a bit scared because he is bigger and stronger than me and he is currently sulking in his bedroom after having thrown a whole load of stuff about in his room.

I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:

GlitterRoseGold · 29/06/2017 21:18

You've done the right thing by cutting the wifi. Don't cave in op until he sorts himself out


Wolfiefan · 29/06/2017 21:21

I don't ask my kids to wash up but the clothes thing is odd. Why is he so desperate to keep you out of his room? Sounds like more than just a desire for privacy.
Wearing stinking crumpled clothes to school? Unusual for a teen. Part of a bigger issue?
Any violent behaviour needs serious and immediate consequences. He can't be allowed to assault you.
Have school noticed any issues?


AnathemaPulsifer · 29/06/2017 21:23

Put the laundry basket in the bathroom to cut out one of those trigger points? And no, yanbu to expect him to help a bit but better to set out your terms politely and firmly rather than bash heads with him.

I wouldn't accept any physical violence though.


Jijhebtseksmetezels · 29/06/2017 21:48

Thank you so much for your replies and the idea about the basket in the bathroom is a good one.

I just have to brave it out till he gets the message.

About the violence. I know I'm minimising but it has only been a couple of times. It's more the pushing that gets to me. I do feel like I'm walking on eggshells but I don't know what else to do. He has no dad on the scene and I'm not sure he'd be much good anyway as their relationship is a bit strained and DS barely keeps in touch. My dad has spoken to him but of course he respects him and immediately acquiesces, only to return to his borderline abusive self when he gets home.

I feel so alone in this. So thanks for listening.

OP posts:
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