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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make DS pay for school trip?

130 replies

AtSea1979 · 28/06/2017 20:37

DS wants to go on a school trip in year 8. It's to Europe and it's £700 would you expect your DC to contribute? He's been saving for a Switch console. Should I make him choose? Or do jobs? Or sacrifice Xmas presents and birthday? (Although I'd still end up buying stuff for him to open). Or would you just pay for it all?

OP posts:
Cromwell1536 · 28/06/2017 23:32

My son has just finished Y11 and since starting senior school he's been on trips to enhance his art course, history and a couple for French. These have all been to Europe and cost somewhere between £200 and £600. I offered to pay for a ski-ing trip (because we don't ski, and it would be the only way he'd get a chance to try) but he didn't fancy it. Ditto the choir trip to Venice (he dropped out of choir soon after - 'only weirdos do choir', sigh). There have been more expensive and far-flung trips (China, New York) but these would be places that we would go as really special family trips, and which we would do more cheaply than the school was proposing. Next term he has a trip to Brussels and Amsterdam (for econ and art) - no exams in Y12, so a good time to spread his wings a bit. Trips up the Amazon, to the Arctic Circle or similar are huge experiences which he can save up and pay for as an adult if he wishes! You don't just get that handed to you, mate! I've always paid for the trips, and he's saved pocket money/birthday money for extra spending if he wants it. I want him to have good memories, broad horizons, develop good friendships, confidence, curiosity about the world and independence and this is part of it. One of the reasons I worked for quite a long time at jobs I didn't much like was to have such choices.

LizB62A · 28/06/2017 23:41

When I was at school, my parents paid for the actual trips but we had to save up for the spending money needed. If we didn't save enough we couldn't go.
None of us ever missed a trip - we made sure we saved up money from our babysitting and Saturday jobs !!
I think it taught us something about the value of money, we're all pretty good with money these days :-)

User0ne · 29/06/2017 12:53

Blimey! I've never worked on any school where most students could go on a trip as expensive as that.

As a teacher I can promise you that no comprehensive school will have a trip that expensive which is essential to any child's education. So he's asking to go on a jolly (it might be a very worthwhile jolly but nevertheless). As such it's entirely reasonable to ask him to contribute towards it especially if it would make things are tight for you and he seems capable of saving for things he wants. If he's not prepared to save for it then he obviously isn't that bothered.

On the group passport thing; yes schools do this but to get on to a group passport you need your own individual passport so OP would need to pay for one of these too.

Confusedandintrigued · 29/06/2017 12:54

It would depend on my financial situation.

As it is, no I wouldn't expect him to contribute.

Groupie123 · 29/06/2017 13:09

If you can comfortably afford it then pay. My DC go to a private school and are bombarded with often very expensive school trips - so I apply a monetary limit per year. Anything beyond that gets rejected.

Confusedandintrigued · 29/06/2017 13:19

Way I figure is that got whole lives to save, think about money, weigh up whether they can do something, balance finances.

During childhood, I take that on.

It's the way I was brought up, money never really discussed.

My siblings and I got very good professionals and all three sensible with money.

5foot5 · 29/06/2017 13:45

I'll also need to get him a passport too as it ran out last year.

OK - missing the point slightly here but that was careless of you wasn't it? Renewing a passport is relatively easy, while getting one from scratch is a right faff. Never let them just run out!

BTW I think YAB a bit U. If you can afford it and it sounds like a good trip and he really wants to go then I would pay. If you can't afford it or think it is a stupid waste of money then he doesn't go. Where is a kid that gae going to get that amount of money? If he can lay his hands on it easily then he probably gets too much pocket money Grin

UnderneaththeArchers · 29/06/2017 14:00

On the group passport thing; yes schools do this but to get on to a group passport you need your own individual passport so OP would need to pay for one of these too.

I organise school trips and can tell you that is not correct. But your school may or may not take a group passport - we do partly to not discriminate against those who don't have one and partly to save Y8's being resposible for a passport or for teachers to be responsible for 50 passports!

DixieNormas · 29/06/2017 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 29/06/2017 15:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RainbowPastel · 29/06/2017 16:03

5foot5 there is no point renewing a passport if you don't plan to go anywhere. Once you have a passport they can be renewed at any time even years after they have ran out. Why waste money for times when you won't use it?

MercuryMadness · 29/06/2017 16:19

5foot5

Bit careless to post about something about which you know nothing.

boydoggies · 30/06/2017 12:19

No harm in a Y8 child recognising that he cannot have everything he wants without compromise. Give him the option of going but with him providing a small contribution plus less Christmas presents. Our children do get so much nowadays, it shouldn't necessarily be about if you are able to afford it. I can afford £1 for Match Attax, but still get my child to pay for them if he wants them!!

Luluandizzy · 30/06/2017 12:21

I wouldn't expect my son to pay for his school trip no. I would pay for it x

Lulu09 · 30/06/2017 12:21

Well, teach kids to have everything they want also it's not a good example. Kids need to learn about the value of things ( not only related to money) My son it is a teenager now and travels a lot for different reasons, each trip he needs to collaborate or save for expenses, especially if want to go shopping. My point is what will happen to our kids when they grow up and they can't afford their lives and worst they don't know the value of things and the hard work to achieve this type of life. But that is my opinion and my values.

Franm2 · 30/06/2017 12:26

I'm a bit bemused that so many of you think it unreasonable to ask DC to contribute. Our DS went on a number of trips abroad, which we did pay for, but I would have had no qualms about asking him to pay part of the cost if we had to make cutbacks to do it. OP, I would simply discuss it honestly with your DS. Explain that you will all have to make sacrifices for the trip and on that basis leave the decision up to him.

Fireflybaby · 30/06/2017 12:27

I would pay if I can afford. My daughter has a ski trip to Italy for February 2019. Very dear but I'm paying installments until the end of 2018. I wouldn't expect her to contribute bur I did ask her that she needs to keep up with her studies and good grades otherwise I'm changing my mind. So her payment is going the extra mile to do well in school.

RedSkyAtNight · 30/06/2017 12:33

Franm Not everyone's DC have pots of money. I'm a bit bemused that so many DC on here (bearing in mind OP's DC is currently only 11/12, not an older teenager) have the sort of money that they would be able to make any meaningful contribution.

Katedotness1963 · 30/06/2017 12:53

I wouldn't ask my child to pay for his own school trip. I'm amazed at the cost of some of the mentioned trips though! I'm in my mid fifties and have never had that kind of holiday budget, and without a lottery win I never will...

sticklebrix · 30/06/2017 12:57

We asked one of our DC to pay half for a trip that fell into the 'a bit educational but mostly just for fun' category. DC did babysitting, gardening etc and saved pocket money over several months. It was a really good experience for them.

We put the half DC earned into savings without saying anything. They can have it back at 18. But I would have kept it if we hadn't been able to afford the trip.

OP I think YANBU asking your DC to contribute.

GrumpyOldBag · 30/06/2017 13:00

How we do it in the Grumpy household ...

We will pay for one educational trip abroad per year per child (cost usually £400 - £600).

Any more than that, they have to pay half the costs themselves - by working, eBay, improved grades (yup, we bribe our kids to work).

So when DS wanted to go on the school ski trip as well, he had to pay half the cost, plus spending money.

TooBusy4TV · 30/06/2017 13:01

We had a similar situation in yr 8 which was about 5 years ago. My son wanted to go on a ski trip which was £800. Also you travelled there by coach not air so it was 2 days of just travel which seemed like a waste. That year our family of 4 only had a UK holiday which also cost £800, so his trip would have cost as much as our whole holiday. Initially I said no and my mother had a fit saying he must have every opportunity in life. I said he will need to do some jobs around the house to earn it and even this she thought unreasonable. I spoke to him about it again a few days later saying I may have to spend less on Xmas gifts and he said actually he wasn't that bothered about going, the novelty of the idea had worn off. My mother got back down from her high horse!

happypoobum · 30/06/2017 13:04

I wouldn't make DS pay for it, no, but I would tell him to save some money for his spending money.

At my DC state comp there were skiing trips and trips to LA - bother were £1300.

I think it's all fairly standard these days.

If you really cannot afford it though just tell him the truth. I tend to prioritise travel and holidays over everything else so my DC are used to living that way but if yours aren't then they might

happypoobum · 30/06/2017 13:05

oops - dunno what happened there...

they might not want to go if the know there will be cutbacks in other areas such as take aways, cinema trips etc etc.

Ameliablue · 30/06/2017 13:07

Depends on finances.