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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a bit of reassurance from IL's?

14 replies

Realitea · 27/06/2017 21:57

I'm quite anxious about ds (6) staying with dh's family members. (Quite over protective that's all) They know this. They know I'm working on it and don't want to hold back my child because of my anxieties. SIL spoke to dh last week saying she wanted ds to stay with her and her dd soon and take them out for the day.
Ds hasn't stayed there overnight without us before but I'm sure would love it. I'm just very anxious because they're in London and I'd really rather they didn't go on the tube or go anywhere really busy. SIL is really scatty I don't know if she'd manage ok with two children. Would I BU to send a quick email expressing my anxieties and request they go somewhere quieter out of town? Or maybe just ask what the arrangements are?

OP posts:

Crumbs1 · 27/06/2017 22:00

Maybe don't pass your anxieties on. Be bold, let him go and have fun. Trust your sister in law and try to take it in your stride. Once he's safely back you'll wonder what you were fussing about and have proven that you can manage your anxiety.

Purplemac · 27/06/2017 22:01

I don't think you would be unreasonable to ask what the plans are, but you don't need to ask for reassurance. They will of course look after your child, their family member.

Purplemac · 27/06/2017 22:02

In fact they would probably take offence if you were to ask them for reassurance!

(Although if you're really uncomfortable with it then don't feel pressured into allowing it)

Shoxfordian · 27/06/2017 22:04

Yeah let him go

It would be unreasonable to ask them not to go on the tube- that's basically how to get places in London

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 27/06/2017 22:05

Presume sil has 2 hands and will manage 2 dc. . How will you feel about school trips and your ds?
See this as a tester to help manage your issues. .

Lymmmummy · 27/06/2017 22:09

I agree be bold - if you have a specific issue with say the tube fine but in general just relax about it

Original poster

Realitea · 27/06/2017 22:11

Thanks everyone. I feel better already..
I can't really not allow it to happen. If I stopped everything I felt uncomfortable with it would be a crappy life for everyone!

OP posts:

pixieindisguise · 27/06/2017 22:18

I can't offer much advice as I have an anxiety disorder, which is quite bad at the moment, but would like to say that I experience exactly the same kind of thoughts.

What I try to do is focus on the positives, you will have a lovely break and some time to yourself. And your son will also benefit from time with his relatives - he will be fine. Sometimes it's about taking baby steps, and afterwards you can reflect on it and recognise that nothing bad happened. Then next time, you can use that precious experience as a reminder that everything will be ok.

pixieindisguise · 27/06/2017 22:20

I meant previous experience, not precious!

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 27/06/2017 23:46

I have a massive phobia of the tube and some anxiety issues, it's not fair to hold my DC back because of my issues though and I have had to let go a bit, it's hard, really hard but it has to be done, i find keeping busy helps.

YANBU to ask her plans, or explain your fears of the tube and busy places but make it very clear that it is your issue not a judgement on SIL, YWBU to dictate where they go though or suggest that you think she is scatty,

Imaginosity · 27/06/2017 23:53

You don't have to get over it - yet - he's only small! It would be different if he was years older. Some people are comfortable leaving small babies with relatives while they go away on holidays - and otbers take years before they are ok with that.

Imaginosity · 27/06/2017 23:54

Sorry I know your child is 6 years - not a baby.

Do what feels right for you - don't be pressured to do what the others feel is right. Just because its right for them doesn't mean its right for you.

ollieplimsoles · 27/06/2017 23:57

Yeah I wouldn't be thrilled with them going into London either, I do have GAD that is worse around crowds but no way would I let my six year old go to really busy place like that for the day with a sil I knew was quite scatty, I would have to be completely sure they could handle both of them together.
Its ok to say no op.

Dewey595 · 28/06/2017 04:24

They'll be perfectly fine, how do you think people with children who live in London manage? You need to think of how much your son will enjoy it and how exciting it will be for him. I wouldn't send an email saying how concerned you are, that's overprotective in my opinion. Going on the tube is safer than going on a car journey.

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