AIBU to expect more from my family?

[Sands2017]

Hi guys
Am I being unreasonable for expecting my family to buy my baby gifts? I am 8 months pregnant and last month a couple of sisters promised big gifts of Moses baskets, buggies and car sears etc.
Now apparently they have decided they only need to buy baby clothes as "no one helped them with stuff when their babies were born". This is absolute bs.
I spent almost EVERY weekend babysitting one of my many nieces and nephews as a teenager and in my early 20's but as that was over a decade ago I guess it is long forgotten! I also used to save my pocket money to buy clothes for my beautiful nieces and nephews and then when I got older always had a huge interest in every single smile, conversation, cartoon or game that meant something to my favourite mini people. Now at last I am having a child for the first time and it genuinely feels like - because they are almost done with raising their own kids- they just can't be bothered with my baby's arrival.
Thank God my partner is so supportive and excited for our little ones arrival as I have someone to share my joy with.
I live in a different county from the rest of my family and I suppose for that reason I am easy to dismiss but they are being so hurtful and when I try and explain my feelings I just get patronised or told they are "too busy" with their own kids.
I have said a million times I don't want money thrown at me- I am not a superficial person (quite the opposite) but I am so disgusted with their "I got the baby clothes, what more do I have to do" attitude. It just makes me feel like ignoring the lot of them from here on in.
Btw I love my gorgeous nieces and nephews and am so glad I showed them so much love when they were born and as they were growing up- I would adore them all over again if I could!!! I just feel disappointed that my baby won't have that with them. Funnily enough they show plenty of interest in the baby on Facebook and Instagram (posting excited messages etc) but never ever in private or in real life so I feel that is all just show for others. AIBU?

Btw I love my gorgeous nieces and nephews and am so glad I showed them so much love when they were born and as they were growing up- I would adore them all over again if I could!!! I just feel disappointed that my baby won't have that with them.

But your baby hasn't even been born yet, so I don't see how you can decide your family aren't going to love your unborn child.

Also, you live at a distance from your family members, and they are adults with expensive, older children of their own, so they don't have the relatively endless time and comparatively few outgoings you had in your teens and 20s, so it's unlikely they are going to spend every weekend babysitting, as you did.

You can't expect some kind of equivalent 'payback' for something you did, presumably of your own free will (unless there's a back story you haven't told us about where you were forced to babysit and spend your pocket money on baby clothes) when you were much younger.

I don't see why any of this translates into them buying you car seats and pushchairs. For me, it's much odder that they even offered, unless it was useful handmedowns they had from their own children. Did you misunderstand the offer?

Either way, it's completely unreasonable to start stropping about your family not loving a baby who hasn't yet been born!

TBH I don't think that many younger teenagers and young adults do have lots of disposable income and if course OP could have spent any mo way she had in herself - not sure why you raise a point then yourself later admit it's irrelevant?

Either way it is what it is - none of know what has gone on or what will go on

You have a new baby to prepare for, why are you stressing out over this? Do not fall out with your family over items that will be useless or broken in five years time. It's not worth it. Accept the baby clothes with good grace and sens your family lots photos and updates.

Speaking as someone who had my children as the majority of my family and peers were dealing with teenagers, no I didn't get the all the bells whistles fuss either. It's just one of those things. Those same parents are juggling exams, strops, more than one child, jobs, school choices, child care and teenagers are expensive. It's just bad timing.

Lym I'm not saying it's irrelevant, you made the point that OPs siblings probably lived at home rent-free too, I was saying that THAT is irrelevant the fact that OP was younger and therefore had less financial commitments when she was buying things for her nieces and nephews than her siblings probably do now. A 16 year old getting £10 a week from their parents as 'pocket money' has £10 a week to spend on whatever they want without having to worry about bills and babies. A 30 year old with children who is paying their rent, bills and childcare costs might not have £10 a week to spare.

Are you missing seeing your family as you are in another country to them and 8 months pregnant? That's understandable. You want them to be excited for you but they are busy getting on with their own lives?

It's difficult to maintain a full on sibling relationship when you're miles away. I know because my brother has moved to another country and even sending birthday cards has stopped as they don't arrive. Is FB their main way of communicating with you?
Once your baby arrives maybe they will be more interested.

Can't you ask the one who offered to buy Moses basket etc if they are still doing that or should you organise your own equipment?
Congratulations on your imminent arrival OP

Also OP has said she is living abroad from her family, so why is she raising the fact that she used to babysit, knowing full well that her family can't offer to babysit for her because she's living abroad?!

Sounds to me as if OP expects 'payment' for her doting on her nieces and nephews in the past. "I babysat ten years ago so they should be buying me more than just baby clothes".

I get what your saying re the disposable income - however nonetheless she could have spent any spare time and money she had on herself as many teenagers would have done and I dare say most siblings in this position would have acknowledge this kindness from OP as being a bit over and above what OP needed to have done and be grateful for it

It sounds entirely her own choice to do it and perhaps other siblings did other kind stuff for OP who knows

But the bare bones of what OP is feeing is that she thinks she has been very kind and put more in than she is likely to get out and feels rightly or wrongly a bit upset and hurt at this - personally I can see where she is coming from though I do think she also needs to just accept things as they are

I do think people should be allowed the space to say I feel a bit upset about something and get a bit of support without feeling they have no right to be upset

If they promised to buy you a certain item then u have every right to be annoyed BUT I would just shrug it off perhaps they don't have the money

I do think people should be allowed the space to say I feel a bit upset about something and get a bit of support without feeling they have no right to be upset

Lym I really do agree with that, and don't get me wrong I would be upset if it was me, BUT the OP posted in AIBU. OP didn't post just to get something off their chest, they posted to get peoples opinions on whether her feelings are reasonable or not. Whilst I agree I'd feel the same, I still think it's unreasonable. Her siblings are buying gifts for her unborn child, the same way she did for them. She also has no idea how they will act once the baby arrives.

One thing I have learnt as I got older/had kids is never to rely on anyone else...people will promise things but don't always follow through.

buy your own baby items... hold your head high and know you provided everything for your child. It doesn't matter what you have given in the past, that's been and gone and probably won't be reciprocated because maybe they don't have the spare money to buy things for your child,

I would love to be able to buy my new niece/nephew a car seat.... but when I have holes in my jeans, and I have to choose the cheapest trainers in the shop as my old ones have holes in the sole, and my children need new shoes... I can't afford to spend £50+ on anyone else. But then I wouldn't have offered in the first place. I will buy a nice outfit once they're born and that's it. YABU

It's one of those things OP. Family are not "there for you" when you have children, nor are friends, social media is just empty sentiments - always, meaningless at the end of the day. It's one of those things. Having children is very much there's you and the rest of the world.

I don't think you really want 'stuff' from them, I think you want them to take as much interest in your life as you feel you took in theirs.

Is there a large age gap between you and your sisters? If there is, it may feel like it's the two of them teamed up together, with you on the outside. Some of that might be down to them living closer to each other and some of it might be because they're closer in age and went through their big life stages together. It sucks but I don't think you should see it as them not caring. They just have different things going on in their own lives too. They shouldn't have made promises and then broken them but maybe they were just thinking out loud and not really committing to anything?

Gifts don't equal love. It's time and someone to share things with that you really need and want.

Focus on your dp and baby and your own life and don't rely on other people for anything. If they do offer support in whatever way, then that's a nice bonus but you can be just as happy without it.

I think it's the thing of having children last as well though. When older siblings have children and nobody else does they get all the attention but when the next sibling does the older sibling has their own child to prioritise and look after so can never be just like the child free sibling showing so much interest.

My sil is having her first baby and sure we will buy things but we can never give the time like she did as we have our own three to look after and ferry to school/after school activities/clubs and birthday parties. I'm expecting some type of kick off from as that she always popped into ours to see them but she had no other commitments apart from work and chose to spend her time doing that we never asked. We just won't have the time to pop over as much as she did and we live in the same city.