AIBU to ask you for a pep talk

[LadyLaSnack]

Mum is in Greece for a few days, dad who has dementia is at home on his own for a week. Until now dad has been pretty OK to function on his own.

Last night I had a series of increasingly incoherent phone calls and texts from him. I was in on my own with the sleeping baby, so was a bit stuck as to what to do, apart from reassure.

I spoke to him this morning and he seemed a lot better, so I made the decision to travel a long way (hundreds of miles) for a funeral and I sent DH up with the baby to have lunch with Dad to make sure he is eating and drinking and to give him some company.

As the day has worn on the incoherent texts and phone calls have started again. I'm traveling back tonight, and have reassured him that I'll stay with him overnight, but I won't get there until past midnight.

Tomorrow I have an afternoon of not very nice tests in the hospital happening to the baby which I've been dreading for weeks, then on Thursday I have to travel a long way again for work on a huge project for which I have to put in lots of hours between now and then.

The awful thing is that I don't want to go there tonight. I don't want to face him on my own in the middle of the night tonight and to see him the way that he is. I just don't want to be the adult tonight. I'm sad from the funeral, worried about tomorrow, stressed about Friday. I'll go of course, but really all I want to do is curl up in my own bed and put the pillow over my head and block all of this out.

Can anyone offer a positive word? Even just to get me through until tomorrow morning?

Or can anyone with any experience in this field offer some helpful things that I can say to him to make him feel better when I get there tonight? He seems really sad and scared.

Hi. Not sure how much help this will be and I might not explain it very well. By no means an expert so I'm sure someone more helpful will be along. I have done Dementia Friend training recently. He could be disoriented as your mum is away. I heard that people with dementia can sometimes remember the emotions that are having but not the cause, so he could be missing your mum but not really understand what's happening. Try and keep things familiar for him. What does he normally do in the evening? Stick to things that are familiar to him. Music or a film he likes? Help him to relax if you can. You might find some helpful information online if you have a Google of dementia friends. Be kind to yourself

Oh op, l have no words of wisdom l am afraid but, l do think you sound lovely and kind to your dad, please don't be too hard on yourself.

If you do go tonight just remember that even if it is horrid for you it may mean the world to him, that may help you get through it, also promise yoursef a nice treat when you have got through these difficult days, lunch with a fun friend or a pedicure....unmumsnetty handhold

Possibly a silly question, but is there no-one else who could step in to help?? Siblings? Other relatives?? Sorry about your dad. You seem to have a lot on your plate. Hope you're ok xx

Thank you for the kind words and helpful suggestions :)

FuckingSausageFinger - my little sis is brilliant, but she lives far away. She's doing what she can on the phone, and my DH is also wonderful, but it's only me who can actually be there for now.

My mum will be back on Thursday, and after that we can discuss a plan of action, and maybe involve some wider family, though I think that will be hard in itself as I suspect a level of either denial or coverup to protect us has been happening on her part for a while.

Thanks Onlyonce for the suggestion. I will google. Maybe some training myself could help.

ANd Dragongirl10 thank you for the handhold. That did make me feel a wee bit better.