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Urgent, am I being too hard on ds

26 replies

foursthescore · 27/06/2017 17:48

Ds is 6. I'm Tuesdays I look after him, and dsd, dss1 and dss2 while dh works. Usually the scs mum picks them up but she's just had minor surgery so can't drive. The dscs mum lives about a 40 min walk away so I usually take them back to hers on the bus.

When I announced it was time to leave to get the bus, ds went mental, he was playing on the iPad and I guess didn't want to leave it. He screamed the place down, tears and everything, and I found it really stressful. When I told him to stop being so silly and be quiet he just screamed louder. He then refused to wear his hood outside.
. I've told him he is going straight to bed after his bath. He is really upset about this. Am i being too harsh?

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 27/06/2017 17:52

I wouldn't give too hits about good wearing.

I'd have presumed my ds had had a bad day or was over tired of he'd behaved like that so I would be going for early tea and bath/ bed but not necessarily as a punishment.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 27/06/2017 17:52

** two hoots

arethereanyleftatall · 27/06/2017 17:52

NOPe, not too harsh at all. I wouldn't tolerate that. I'd also walk. He'd hate me!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 27/06/2017 17:53

** hood

notgivingin789 · 27/06/2017 17:53


Loopytiles · 27/06/2017 17:55

Not too harsh, are you not confident in your discipline?

foursthescore · 27/06/2017 17:58

Thank you. No I'm not at all confident. I split up with his dad nearly 4 years ago, ex won 50/50 so ds isn't with me all the time. I think that's why I feel so guilty when I have to tell him off because I just want him to enjoy his time with me

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Hmmalittlefishy · 27/06/2017 17:58

Not too harsh if that is a normal consequence of not listening/ doing as he is told.
Did you give him a warning you were leaving in x amount of time? I find when they are engrossed in something that sometimes works.

LovingLola · 27/06/2017 18:00

It's the iPad. It's addictive. Kids hate having to stop using it.

Bluntness100 · 27/06/2017 18:01

No, I don't think it's too harsh, but I don't think bed should be a punishment, simply because it gives the wrong message, you don't want them to grow up associating bed times or early nights with punishments, I'd remove something else, like tablet use for a day.

Highalert · 27/06/2017 18:02

I wouldn't care about the hood. Maybe he resents having to go out to take your SC home.

Could your DH drop them off in future? Or does he work late?

foursthescore · 27/06/2017 18:02

I know that the iPad is addictive! The dc fight like rabid wolves over it. I do limit it. I think that's why ds went crazy cos I don't allow him long on it

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foursthescore · 27/06/2017 18:03

Dh and his ex both work which is why I have them. I don't mind. I love my dsc immensely

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Highalert · 27/06/2017 18:04

You might not mind, but your DS might.

WowOoo · 27/06/2017 18:05

I'd spend time with him after the bath and tell him in the future you'll be giving a 10 min warning. If he doesn't listen and get cracking he'll lose his iPad time/ iPad ban for a few days whatever...
Can you read a nice story together? That way you'll both go to bed happier!

He's still only little and is perhaps tired. Mine are both tired and grumpy and just wanting the summer holidays to start.

foursthescore · 27/06/2017 18:05

You mean he could be jealous? I don't think so, he adores them they are his favourite people, I don't get a look in when they're here Envy

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user1495025590 · 27/06/2017 18:05

let it go!
Justice must be tempered with mercy!!

PineappleScrunchie · 27/06/2017 18:06

We have this only after tablet use too.

steppemum · 27/06/2017 18:06

I think that's why I feel so guilty when I have to tell him off because I just want him to enjoy his time with me

This is really such a mistake.
Kids feel safe and therefore happier when there are clear boundaries. When the rules are consistent and the consequences reasonable and consistent.
If they can through a paddy and get their own way then they basically are in control, instead of you, and for a child that is a scary place to be.
Have confidence in your parenting, then he will have more confidence in you.

(and ipads are the devils spawn. get a timer, give 5 minute warning, when the timer goes the idad goes away)

MrsMulder · 27/06/2017 18:07

I would ban the I pad for 2 days to be honest. If he can't be trusted to turn it off without a fuss he can't go on it. That's the rule in our house and it generally works, once they realised I meant it

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 27/06/2017 18:07

Nope, not at all.

foursthescore · 27/06/2017 18:09

Steppe mum you are so right. I have a terrible guilt about the situation which of course isn't ds fault. Maybe I should take a parenting course..

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Highalert · 27/06/2017 18:10

I would let it go TBH. I'd ask him why he kicked off.

We all have days where we don't want to go out.

MrsBobDylan · 27/06/2017 18:10

Yanbu to find his behaviour unacceptable but I would have told him that unless the noise stopped, there would be no iPad for (insert whatever length of time here).

I'm not sure that at six wearing his hood is something to battle over. It's his look out if his heat gets wet or he feels chilly. I say this as mum to an autistic son who hasn't worn a coat for 2 years. He is still alive, well and strong as an ox!

Highalert · 27/06/2017 18:11

It sounds like he has a lot to deal with. I'd cut him some slack.

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