Being upset with DH

[FleeBee]

Met DH at 16, married & 20. Now here we are 20 years later & 2 DC later I'm upset & need a grip to get over it.
On our anniversary DH is going away 4 days with some friends. It's been planned for some months & I said at the time I wasn't keen on him being away on our actual 20th anniversary day but kind of thought he wouldn't go through with it.
Brief background:
DH is a rock, we've had some rough years following infertility, then bereavement & then getting my parent through alcoholism & mental health problems.
We've no other family, I'm an only child, his family live overseas & are not interested in us. We've been a tight unit for so long & it hurts that he's going to be away on a significant (to me) date. Plus we are skint & I resent the money being spent on a trip for him & pals.
BUT he is usually amazing, he probably does deserves time away from us with his friends.
JUST NOT THIS DATE!
It can't be changed all booked & fits with his work schedule, friends work schedules etc
I'm unreasonable but want to cry "it's not fair!"
Awaits grips

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.
I wouldn't be happy with my partner at all how thoughtless.

Is it the wedding anniversary or the getting together anniversary?

Do you normally make a big deal of particular dates such as anniversaries and birthdays? If so, he really should have realised that you'd want a fuss on a round number anniversary. If not, why should he have guessed?

Does the holiday mean there won't be funds to have an anniversary treat?

Are you sure he's not planning a surprise for you? If not, I fear it is too late for him to change his plans. An outright 'no, not that date' would have been better than 'not keen'. You hoped he'd take the hint and not go but he took it as acceptance and booked his boys' trip.

I was wondering that too tworingsandamicrowave

Its crap he is spending family money that you don't really have and it's crap he's booked it during your anniversary.
I think if you made more of a fuss at the first conversation he maybe wouldn't have booked it but it's done now.
I would tell him you feel a bit neglected seeing as it's your anniversary and that you like making a big deal out of it, rather than be one of these couple's who don't bother.
Tell him you feel a bit hurt and resent money spent on him and his pals that you could have spent on a weekend away together which is probably a rarity.
Other than that it's too late now he's going and your going to feel like shit.

If you have any spare money I would treat yourself!

It's the 20th wedding anniversary. Just feels a milestone especially after we've got through the last few years which have been hard.
We've not really celebrated anniversaries before occasional meal out, but nothing since the DC were born.
We are really skint at the moment, he keeps saying we have to watch out spending- yet this has been planned & paid for!
Probably arrange a meal when he's back home. It's a Tuesday anyway which is an odd day to celebrate so will save for another night.

You guys don't really do anything special for anniversaries? So you want him to be home to do the regular nightly activities that go on every day?

Let him go on this without guilt tripping him, but tell him he needs to plan something special for when he gets back.

Just do something special when he gets back. I know it won't be your actual anniversary but it's still near enough and you can still have a good time celebrating

I know there's point guilt tripping it's booked & I've said I'm disappointed he's going to be away.
I guess I did think we'd have a meal & just do usual family stuff together!
My dad used to say a good marriage is 2 people doing things neither want to, together!
It's really not the end of the world - I just needed a moan!