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AIBU?

To not take my dd on holiday?

24 replies

Keepingitcalm · 27/06/2017 17:04

Shes driving us all mad. She is just attitudy and makes everyone else miserable 90% of the time because she is so unreasonable about absolutely everything. I am so tempted to leave her here when we go off on holiday next month! Of course, though, I'd never actually do that, but by god its so tempting!
She is 15. God knows how she actually has friends. All her siblings are not like this and they've all been brought up the same, but this one just tries to be the centre of attention I think all the time and thinks shes right ALL THE TIME. She has not been spoilt but any stretch of the imagination. 10% of the time shes the nicest sweetest girl you'll know. Is this just a hormone, teenager thing?

Any suggestions how to get her off her high horse and be a bit nicer?

OP posts:
bigchris · 27/06/2017 17:05

Well excluding her won't help but hopefully you're joking

Have you read this book <a class="break-all" href="//www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Get-Out-Life-bestselling-teenagers/1846680875?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">//www.amazon.co.uk/d/Books/Get-Out-Life-bestselling-teenagers/1846680875?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

juneau · 27/06/2017 17:07

She's 15 - I think probably a lot of us were horrible at this age I know I was!

Keepingitcalm · 27/06/2017 20:05

Thanks bigchris I will take a look at that book!

OP posts:
Keepingitcalm · 27/06/2017 20:06

I'm sure I was an angel Juneau at that age GrinGrinWink I don't remember being this much of a pain for sure!

OP posts:
HildaOg · 27/06/2017 20:08

Teenagers go through a horrible phase. It's not their fault, it's hormonal.

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 27/06/2017 20:15

Ahh the Kevin and Perry stage. She'll soon be past that phase.

juneau · 28/06/2017 07:50

Not all DC are quite so horrible, but many are. My DM says my DSis was fine, but that I was utterly vile Grin and she's right, I was!

exexpat · 28/06/2017 07:53

My parents gave up going on family holidays with us after the one when my sister was 15 (I was 13). From what I can remember, it was a very understandable decision.

Not all teenagers are like that - mine are now 14 and 18 and I'm still happy to take them on holiday - but one who is can ruin a holiday for everyone else.

TheLuminaries · 28/06/2017 07:55

My 14 year old was horrid, utterly vile, especially to me. She is heading for 15 now and glimmers of her previous loveliness are re-emerging like glints of the sun after a storm. Ride it out and never, never, never give up on them.

MrsJayy · 28/06/2017 07:57

We went to florida when 1 of mine was 15 she was a pita but we had a word with her at the airport because she was whinging and giving us lip she calmed down after a couple of days. Op i feel your pain thankfully i will never have a 15 year old again god they are hard work.

MrsJayy · 28/06/2017 07:58

I was a horrible teenager truly vile thinkdd1 was Karma Grin

pinkdelight · 28/06/2017 08:00

I was allowed to take a friend on holiday with me and family at that age. Didn't realise it at the time, but probably was much nicer for my parents if I was off shopping (secretly smoking fags etc) with my mate instead of being moody with them. Is that an option that might be helpful?

sonlypuppyfat · 28/06/2017 08:05

I wasn't any trouble to my parents I was an easy going child. When I was young I can remember about 3 holidays but once I hit 17 and could be left at home my parents were on holiday all the time , it still hurts me now

MrsJayy · 28/06/2017 08:05

I used to say stuff like I don't speak to you like this not sure why you are giving me/dad attitude saying it calmly (through gritted teeth) seemed to stop her in her tracks

lizzyj4 · 28/06/2017 08:34

Taking one of her friends with you is a good idea if that's possible?
Otherwise, talk to her about whether she's looking forward to the holiday. If she's not, I'd find someone for her to stay with while you're away. If she does want to come, be clear that it's on the basis that you expect decent behaviour. If she doesn't feel she can do that, then she needs to stay with gran/aunt.

'Hormones' is not an excuse for horrible behaviour and certainly not for ruining a holiday. Making someone's participation in a holiday contingent on good behaviour is not a rejection.

MrsJayy · 28/06/2017 08:37

I agree with you lizzy expectations of behaviour on holiday needs sorted before the holiday

viques · 28/06/2017 08:38

I think if it is a longhaul holiday you need to phone the airline immediately and ask how much they will charge to make sure that she is seated as far away from you as possible on both flights! Let some other poor sod take the strain for a few hours, although she would probably be charm itself to a stranger.

Smile

Whatsername17 · 28/06/2017 08:51

Sometimes, when teenagers go through this phase the most effective management is to pull them closer rather than push them away. The next time she starts, don't reprimand. Ask her what is wrong. Ask her why she is so sad and angry. Tell her you are worried about her and that you are there for her if she needs to talk. The shouting and rudeness is often a secondary behaviour. Plan some time just the two of you. Pull her in. It's hard, but it works. I work with teenagers, specifically the difficult ones!

Keepingitcalm · 28/06/2017 15:08

Its a UK holiday, no plane ride. Also she can't take a friend as she has 4 siblings so not an option. her closest sibling is a sister 11 months different in age and the total opposite. I really have no idea where shes getting it from. She says there no issues at school or anywhere, so perhaps I just need to ride this one out. She has always been worried what people think and although comes across as cocky and loud, she is actually quite insecure I think. Up until a year ago she was the most pleasent and lovely girl you could meet and very caring.

I'll read up on some books from the library and try out a few techniques and see if any of those help. She is included in everything we do, but sometimes is such a pita I really wish I'd have left her at home on some days out. She just seems to make an issue out of things where there is no issue and then just makes people angry or annoyed with her. I don't think shes like it in school as parents evenings all say she is a delight Hmm.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2017 15:19

I was vile. I was also deeply unhappy and had chronic pain. Which I didn't tell my mother about because we had a terrible relationship.

Just reading your posts I wonder if the sister very close in age who is 'total opposite' (i.e. perfect) is part of the issue. Attention, black sheep stuff?

Parenting course?

user1495025590 · 28/06/2017 16:12

Just keep thinking of the day she has her own teenage daughter! Payback!

steppemum · 29/06/2017 08:58

There are loads of reassuring threads on the teenage board about just htis sort of thing.
And you might find this helpful:
reasons my son hates me #326

MrsJayy · 29/06/2017 09:02

Do you do things with her on your own a friend of mine told me to do this when i was going through this a lunch or whatever every now and again did do the power of good I had 2 you have 5 so i appreciate you are busy but they dont always have to do thi gs together.

Amd724 · 29/06/2017 12:26

I kind of wish my parents had done this. They had three teenager daughters aged 17, 15, and 14. And then a son, aged 10. I wish they had just left us behind, and gone on a holiday on their own. They looked like they needed a break from us being ridiculous. My middle sister was probably the most angsty, I'm assuming because she was the middle child and I followed her only 15 months later. She probably would have loved some time to spend with her siblings, with cousins or something. My parents used to send us on a separate holiday, like visiting family on the other side of the country by train, and then they'd go somewhere. But, sometimes just leaving us at home is a good option.

My husbands parents used to take holidays without them (he has a brother) all the time. They'd go to Spain, France, Malta, Caribbean, etc. They were fine.

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