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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think neither parent gets significantly more time free in this set up?

27 replies

Mycutiemarkisrubbish · 27/06/2017 16:55

Minor and genial debate with DH about our hours when I return to work. 2 DC, 5 and 1yo.

Parent A will work 3 full days in the office with 1 hour either way commute. Drop offs and half pick ups of DC from childcare. 1 day working at home, collecting DC to come home for tea. No weekend work. 1 day a week off, which will include school drop off and pick up and after school lessons.

Parent B works 5 days a week with 1 hour commute either side. Mostly M-F with one full weekend of work a month. Mix of 8-4 and 2-10 hours. No childcare drop offs, half the pick ups.

The debate came about because Parent A will have several hours 'off' on their day off work when baby naps. However they will have both children one weekend a month. Parent B will have several days a month with potentially all morning alone (1 DC at school, another possibly with CM from earlier if 1pm drop off is too awkward for baby's routine), and no days alone with both DC.

Both parents pull their weight around the house equally and also with childcare. This was a lighthearted debate. However, Parent B thinks Parent A gets more time 'off' because they are only working 4 days a week.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 27/06/2017 16:59

Parent A gets more free time. Parent B is at work while Parent A has kids alone that weekend. It's not the same as free/down time being at work. Parent A can wfh one day p/w and has 6 hrs p/w commuting as opposed to Parent B who has 10 hrs p/w commuting. Commuting is not down time either. Parent A will no doubt end up doing some chores on a Friday but essentially has some time to chill while baby asleep.

BandeauSally · 27/06/2017 17:06

Time when a baby that you are responsible for sleeps is not free time. Free time is when you are free to go off and see a movie, have a pedicure, go for a run, do a hobby with no caring responsibilities.

BandeauSally · 27/06/2017 17:08

If parent B has some days where they don't leave the house for work until 1pm and the DC are already in childcare/school from the morning then they have until 1pm as free time on those days.

BandeauSally · 27/06/2017 17:10

Parent A will have several hours 'off' on their day off work when baby naps.

This is not time off. The baby requires parent A to be present throughout the nap time. Also, naps are never guaranteed. Babies also grow out of naps and the length of them reduces as they grow.

Original poster

Mycutiemarkisrubbish · 27/06/2017 17:11

In summary, Parent B works more but Parent A will do more childcare - though I know that's a rubbish way of describing it

OP posts:

BandeauSally · 27/06/2017 17:14

The way you work it out is to see who has the most time where they are neither working no caring for DC. Parent A might only work in their employed job 3 days a week but they can't just swan off on an overnight break on their days off work. They are providing the care for their Dc. So whilst parent B is getting paid for being in an office on Fridays (e.g.) what parent A is doing counts as work for the purpose of this thread as they are not on free time.

Original poster

Mycutiemarkisrubbish · 27/06/2017 17:17

Despite the one day working difference (and one day working at home with no commute) I would say that given Parent B's shift and weekend work, it pretty much works out equally.

OP posts:

SafeToCross · 27/06/2017 17:18

Commuting - depending on the type - can be more akin to downtime for most parents than having a baby with them. Radio on in the car, driving a long distance, or in traffic - bliss when the kids were small. DH thought so too.

Babbitywabbit · 27/06/2017 17:53

... or commuting can be a hellish journey at rush hour time when you're knackered from
The kids waking in the night...

It's impossible for us to make a judgements in this scenario because there are so many variables.

araiwa · 27/06/2017 18:14

Are you deliberately trying to make your own life as difficult and complicated as possible?

Original poster

Mycutiemarkisrubbish · 27/06/2017 18:36

How?

OP posts:

Original poster

Mycutiemarkisrubbish · 27/06/2017 18:58

Obviously things will change week by week but in general the kids sleep and the commutes are the same.

OP posts:

gleam · 27/06/2017 19:03

Parent B has several hours 'off' on their late starting days.

NapQueen · 27/06/2017 19:04

Why isnt parent b doing drop offs to childcare on the days they do 2-10?

Original poster

Mycutiemarkisrubbish · 27/06/2017 19:08

Parent B might be. Haven't worked that out yet. However a drop off at 1pm is likely to be difficult with lunch and naptime so it might be that the baby goes earlier so that the day runs more smoothly for the baby and the CM.

OP posts:

Asmoto · 27/06/2017 19:10

I think it sounds fairly evenly split, TBH - but as pps have said, there are variables (e.g. ease of commute) that might alter that.

ParadiseCity · 27/06/2017 19:13

I have been Parent A but 5 days a week- the one running themselves ragged to do a full time job and Parent B gets the benefit of shift work meaning they get house to themselves regularly. My Parent B has since done a 9-5 job and was staggered how hard it is to do EVERYTHING.

AnnaNimmity · 27/06/2017 19:17

ParentA has it easier imo. It's less tiring being at home with children than it is working/commuting (ime).

Original poster

Mycutiemarkisrubbish · 27/06/2017 19:44

I would agree that Parent A has it "easier" as only having 3 days of commuting makes a difference, as does working from home. But they definitely don't have more free/downtime.

OP posts:

Rollonbedtime7pm · 27/06/2017 20:06

It seems a bit petty to break it down into a 'tit for tat' situation tbh.

I work 3 days, DH 5. I often sit on my arse for 3 full hours on my days at home while the baby naps - DH couldn't care less. There are tons of things he never has to think about like cooking and managing our accounts and all the school admin so it all becomes swings and roundabouts.

If one of you buggers off every Saturday to play golf all day or something and the other is always left with the kids fair enough but to break it down to who gets to sit down during a nap?!

I know you have said it was light hearted so appreciate you probably aren't actually point scoring but it can so easily go that way, even if it is done in a passive aggressive way!

Louiselouie0890 · 27/06/2017 20:23

It's all petty isn't it. What does it matter ones working ones doing childcare neither are downtime. What does it matter?

Original poster

Mycutiemarkisrubbish · 27/06/2017 20:27

It doesn't matter. We're not point scoring. I was just curious if other people thought it seemed reasonably the same.

OP posts:

NapQueen · 27/06/2017 20:31

Surely if parent b does an earlier drop off to meet nap issues they can use the timw between drop off and work to do a big shop or make that evenings dinner or clean the house.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/06/2017 20:51

Your set up is very similar to ours and I think it's even. My kids are now at school though so my non-working days have more free time.

Groupie123 · 27/06/2017 21:25

Parent A likely got reduced hours because of childcare issues. So A must take on the lionshare of childcare otherwise what's the point? Parent B needs to do drop-offs when working 2-10. 10pm is not a late finish & B doesn't need a lie in.

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