WIBU to tell my DH to lose weight?

[NorksAkimbo72]

My DH is the best guy. Married 12 years, and I love him to bits. But, since we've been married, he's been piling on a lot of weight, and is up to roughly 25 stone. The weight doesn't change how I feel about him, however, we have 2 DCs (aged 10&11), and he has a terrible family history of heart problems, type 2 diabetes and cancer, so I'm really starting to worry about his weight killing him too early. He's 48 now, and I want him to get a handle on things. The thing is, we eat really healthy meals at home; I'm doing slimming world at the moment (have always been a 'normal' weight, but a few years living overseas gained me 2 extra stone!), but he likes a few drinks in the evening, which cause him to snack more in the few hours between dinner and bedtime. I've gently encouraged him to eat a bit less, and go to the gym, but he just isn't bothered. I worry that it will take a real health problem to get him to see what's happening.
I don't know how to approach it...I've never felt like it was nice to comment on other people's bodies, but I really want him around for our children and to see us eventually enjoying our retirement!
Any suggestions on how I can do this, or is it unreasonable for me to even bring it up?

Speaking as someone overweight:
Your
Concerns may come from a good place and are definitely valid BUT telling people they are overweightand to lose weight rarely has the desired effect. He has to want this himself.
I would find the drinking more problematic than the weight in any case.

Hi all...just thought I'd come back for an update! Spoke to DH last night, was straightforward but kind. He did a lot of joking around to start (which we both do...joke to deflect), but in the end, he did admit that he knew he had to do something, he just felt like he didn't have enough willpower to do it. The talk went from there...i think the key is to keep talking, not to nag, but just to keep the issue in the forefront so that he can start making small changes.
This talk coincided with a bit of a wake up call: we're going to a fancy dress party in a few weeks, and he realised last night that he can't really find anything in our theme to fit him well enough. It's only a minor thing, but I think it at least made him realise that even little stuff will be hard for him if he stays where he is.
And just for the posters concerned about his drinking: I'm not concerned about the amount he drinks from an alcohol dependency point of view. He likes a drink in an evening, but he doesn't drink every night, and never has more than two drinks on the nights he does...even at weekends. My only concern about his drinking is all from the calorie perspective, and the fact that the drink fuels his appetite, which means he eats more! If he dropped his drinks a few more days (and therefore the snacks), he'd probably start dropping weight pretty quick...all of his meals in the day are healthy, and he doesn't eat between meals.
Thanks again for your encouraging words!

Just going to throw this out there: are you sure about what he's eating when he's not with you? Two drinks a night and some snacks doesn't sound like it should add up to 25 stone if the rest of your diet is as healthy as you say. I could be wrong, but they'd have to be some pretty mighty snacks! What does he eat during the day/at work etc?

I think you're on the right track with the suggestion of dropping one of the drinks nights. Would he swap it for any kind of physical activity such as a walk with a friend instead of a drink? Or a game of badminton or ping pong at the local community centre?

Getting to 25 stone over maybe a decade is easy - one extra choccy biccy a day means a pound a month, about a stone a year. I live with the consequences of this, and suddenly the tests that came back normal are in the danger zone. Also increasing discomfort.

Wishing you and DH all the best in this.

AgathaCrispie Yes...i am sure about what he's eating, and he's never been one to eat between meals. It's taken him 12 years to get to this, and we had 2 Asian overseas postings, so both gained a fair amount during those (but I lost after those, he didn't!). He was probably 17ish stone when we got married, so he's always been a bit bigger, but he's at his highest weight ever now.
He has plain porridge with semi skimmed milk every morning, today he's had a ham and cheese sandwich on seeded bread with lettuce and beetroot. Dinners are always slimming world friendly (the exception is our Friday night meal, which is 'off plan so usually homemade pizza or tacos...something indulgent, but not too bad.). We have a takeaway maybe once a month, if that, so I know it's not home eating that's the problem. I don't keep chocolate or biscuits in regularly...mainly because I don't want the temptation.
JoAnnTidyHouse you are absolutely right about the activity side...we all need to get more active. He feels like if he went to the gym after work, he'd miss out on time with the kids, which I understand, but on the other hand, how much time will he miss if he has health consequences?!
It needs to start small...if he can lose a little just by cutting down a bit, it might motivate him to get moving.
We'll see...its in his head now, so hopefully, it will kick him into action.

I have noticed that men do rather well at Slimming World op

Our group have couples that go. Would he consider that? They are either 'a team' or compete against each other

Show him some men both before/after pics?

MumisRunning I tried...believe me! I joined last September, and I've managed to lose all but a stone from the weight I gained during our last posting.
I don't know that the group aspect would appeal to him (it doesn't to me either...I'm a weigh and run girl...i use sw to lose the weight, but I also know I will be able to maintain once I'm done...as long as we stay in this country!). I will certainly encourage it again...there are actually quite a few men in the group's around here.

The thing Is, he knows what he has to do...i think most of us who have weight to lose do...it's the getting started, it's deciding to make better choices, isn't It? If he can just make a start, I know he'll be able to do it!