Leaving 3 and 5 year olds without parent

[AnnieMouse22]

Ok! So posting here for traffic!

I went to a forest day event locally on the weekend. I have 2 DDs - age 3 and 5. My new(ish) friends also each have 2 children aged 3 and 5, and they came along! So in total, 3 Girls and 3 boys between 3 and 5.

Now, there were lots of different things going on at this event, held in a national trust type place! My dd's and their friends wanted to do bark rubbing and colouring, which apparently should take around 45 minutes in a sheltered, wooded area, open to the rest of the event with no fence around.

My friend said she'd asked the lady running the bark thing (who we'd never met before and knew nothing about) and that it was fine for us to leave all the kids and come back in 45 minutes. There were about 20 kids total doing this bark thing, and all their parents stayed.

Anyway, my friends said they would go and get a coffee in the coffee shop (far ish away, definitely not in view) and come back and get kids later.

I felt really uncomfortable leaving the kids with someone I didn't know, and lots of other parents and children I didn't know, in a big place where they easily (and knowing their personalities, probably would have) run off and mingled with all the other people and activities at the park.

Friends tried to persuade me to go with them, but I stayed with kids. Good job to, as although I said nothing to friends, all the children (including mine!) wreaked havoc as soon as my friends left! And the leader basically left kids to it and was nowhere to be seen. My friends were even late back to collect kids - so don't know where they'd have gone if I hadn't been there.

Anyway, I know I am an overly anxious parent at times, so maybe I am being unreasonable, but is it normal to leave such small kids in such a place? Are these new(ish) friends ok to hang about with? (I really really like one of them a lot and thought we might become good friends in time! but am confused about this!?) Really not sure what to make of it!?

Thanks for advice!!!!

(ps. It might b me being too anxious a mum! I'm prepared to hear that!!)

You don't have to distance yourself from a friendship though!

Just patent your way and don't be pressured into doing anything that you don't feel comfortable with, doesn't mean you can't be friends!

I don't for one minute believe the activity leader told her it was ok to leave the kids. It's dangerous and illegal and anyone working with kids knows that.

Yanbu

I agree with you. Mine are 7 and 5 and there's no way I would leave them alone in that sort of setting UNLESS there was a clear mandate from the people in charge and parents had to fill in a consent form.

The thing is, had anything happened to one of their kids, they would probably have been up in arms and blaming everyone in sight for not keeping an eye on their kids :(

Yup, I guess keeping the friendship even though I don't agree with the parenting is a good plan! They are nice people generally I think, and I especially like one of them who I connect well with (My only worry is that because I doubt my own parenting I might not always know if I'm being led down the wrong parenting path! and might it feel weird to be friends with someone but at the same time judging their parenting without telling them?)

I wouldn't leave my 5 year old in that situation nevermind younger kids.

Lifetothefull - no they didn't !

Another one with 3 and 5 year olds, not a helicopter parent and prefer to stay hands off as much as possible but no way would I have left them!

I'd have stayed with my kids.

I've come across the odd crap holiday activity group. I'm still the anxious parent who stays because the adults in 'charge' don't seem to have clue what they're doing.

Could it be that she didn't "get" the kind of activity it was and misunderstood the supervision level? Was the leader there when she got back?

When I first moved to where I now live I tried meeting up with expats who seemed to only frequent places with crèche type facilities which I'd never have even thought to look for! Perhaps if her experience is the other way she assumed children's activities were supervised.

My kids are pretty good and I'd have left a 5 year old with older siblings in that context if the kids were in agreement and I was sure they knew how to get to where I'd be, but never a 3 year old and never with the 5 yo being the older sibling.

No way would I or any of my friends have done this and I doubt the National Trust type place should have been offering to watch the kids (if indeed they did).

I would of got a takeaway coffee (if possible- in most places it is) and sat nearby with friends so I could at least keep an eye on them and be on hand if needed.

I wouldn't just sod off and leave them but I wouldn't hover either.

Yes takeaway coffee was very much available!

Oh jeez.
My parenting is so lax it's off the scale of MN standards, but no fucking way would I leave my 5 yr old in that scenario.

He isn't the running off, or panicking type, he's nearly as laid back as me.
But what he would do in that scenario, is get bored/want help/want a drink etc and would wander off to find me, putting himself at risk and causing a massive fuss!

!!! No way would I have left my kids there at that age on their own.

You can be friends with them just don't leave your children with them.

I have some lovely friends who were very relaxed about seat belts and car seats. We see them quite regularly but make sure they never drive our children anywhere.

I would totally get a coffee and leave dc doing bark rubbings
BUT they are 9 and 7.

No I wouldn't have left the kids. Keep the friendship if u like them so long as this doesn't happen very often (otherwise you'll spend half your time looking after their kids as well as your own!).

I count myself at relaxed end of scale no way would I have left in those circs.

You can still be friends though! Just don't leave your small children in their sole care

I helped out at a local festival a few weekends ago, with a kids' activity tent in a busy, uncordoned environment. We had tons of parents try to drop and run, even with very young children.

You did the right thing, I wouldn't have left them either but I don't think it needs to affect your new friendship unless they were funny with you over your choices. Just stick to what you're comfortable with.

YADNBU - definitely wouldn't have left mine at that age. Your friends sound really irresponsible.

no way would I have left but I admit that I am overly cautious with ds, however, it was not kids club thing where you drop them off knowing they are safe and secure, no one would have noticed if they wondered off. It's just lazy parenting and dangerous.

Thanks for the advice and opinions all