Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's wrong to lie about where you live to use access medical services

43 replies

quidditys · 26/06/2017 13:39

Someone I know has been lying about where she lives (using a parent's address) in order to access free IVF - it's not available in the area she actually lives in. She's now pregnant and still lying about where she lives in order to give birth at a hospital she prefers instead of her local one.

AIBU to think this is wrong? Is she even going to get away with it - isn't a midwife or a health visitor going to realise she doesn't actually live with her parent? (She's in her 30s and has a flat with her partner about an hour away from where she claims to live.)

OP posts:
GlitterRoseGold · 26/06/2017 13:45

She is wrong in what she's doing but if I couldn't have children and ivf was my only way and couldn't afford it I would do exactly what she's done.

Why are you so concerned are you jealous?

Roomster101 · 26/06/2017 13:45

It is "wrong" that IVF is available in some areas not other in the first place. If there wasn't a postcode lottery she wouldn't need to lie. Why are you bothered?

NotTheOriginalGreen · 26/06/2017 13:47

I can't get worked up about this one. The postcode lottery of health services is shameful and I can't blame someone for doing everything they can to get the best care possible

FishInAWetSuitAndFlippers · 26/06/2017 13:47

The postcode lottery for ivf is unfair.

I don't think she is wrong.

TaggieRR · 26/06/2017 13:48

I don't think she's wrong. The system is wrong with regards to free IVF.

troodiedoo · 26/06/2017 13:50

Yabu, have a bit of empathy. If she's your friend then why can't you just be happy for her. Postcode lottery is massively unfair. Would you think it was wrong if it was cancer treatment?

She might not make it to her preferred hospital though.

WindwardCircle · 26/06/2017 13:53

Lying about your address to get a school place annoys me, because that place is being taken away from a local child. Lying for ivf? I can't get annoyed about that. I don't know the system but presumably this woman's actions aren't stopping someone else from treatment. The unfairness of the post code lottery is very much more the wrong thing here.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 26/06/2017 13:58

Another vote for 'she shouldn't have been put in this shit position in the first place'. I think it's just astonishing, and completely indefensible, that where I live there is no NHS provision at all but that other women in different parts of the country with identical issues would get three cycles.

sparechange · 26/06/2017 14:02

I can't see what this has got to do with you.
Poor her for being put in that position to get IVF in the first place, and how fantastic that it has worked for her.

I'll be moving house just before I give birth, and will be staying with the same hospital even though I wouldn't be able to use it if I got pregnant while living at my new address.
My parents moved house an hour away when I was a few weeks old
I doubt a HV is going to give a single shiny shit about someone moving house

Soubriquet · 26/06/2017 14:09

No she's not wrong

It's wrong she's had to lie to be eligible for the ivf in the first place

It probably will come out when the baby is born and the HV comes for newborn checks but they can't exactly take the baby back can they?

HildaOg · 26/06/2017 14:14

It's wrong that peoples access to healthcare (or decent schooling..) is dependent on someones address.

Hollyhop17 · 26/06/2017 14:16

No, she's not wrong and YABVU. Why do you care? Some friend.

A postcode lottery for IVF is at fault here and I would do the exact same in her position.

Iamchanging · 26/06/2017 14:16

My DH is registered with the doctors near his parents as he has been a type 1 Diabetic since he was 5 years old and the standard of care at his parents local hospital is 100000% better than the one near us. As a result of the higher standard of care it is likely he will live longer and get to see our kids have children of their own. Do I think he's wrong for doing this - like hell I do!

alltouchedout · 26/06/2017 14:17

I think it's wrong that it's a bloody postcode lottery as to whether you get certain medical services.

Namechange2837 · 26/06/2017 14:18

I would have done exactly the same if I wasn't entitled to ivf because of where I live!!

Laiste · 26/06/2017 14:21

How funny Hmm ''It's wrong''.

Get real OP. How many would sit around patting themselves on the back with a face like a cats arse going ''Oh i'm not going to fake my postcode so that i can have a child. Oh no. How wrong that would be''.

n0rtherrn · 26/06/2017 14:22

Why should she be refused the opportunity to potentially have a baby because of her postcode?

Good on her.

KungFuEric · 26/06/2017 14:22

The system is wrong. Any resident in the uk should be equally entitled to medical treatment, location shouldn't be a barrier.

Sirzy · 26/06/2017 14:23

I am with the others. Medical care shouldn't depend on postcode

Theresnonamesleft · 26/06/2017 14:29

Medical care should not depend on where you live. Everyone should have the same and it's ridiculous this isn't the case.
If I lived on the other side of the road the medical care I would receive would be dire. But because I live on this side and a different borough I get better care.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 26/06/2017 14:32

I say hats off to her somewhat shady tenacity

You should maybe step back from being her friend

pointythings · 26/06/2017 14:34

I am with everyone else on this. This is down to the post code lottery. Your friend circumvented it; good on her.

Think about what kind of friend you are, OP, for judging her this way.

accidentalgrownup · 26/06/2017 14:34

I think if I needed IVF and this was an option I'd take it, as PP has said it's not fair some are given the chance just because of where they live.

As for the hospital, anyone can choose where to give birth you definitely don't have to go to the closest one. I know because I did this as I wanted to give birth close to my parents as my DH was working away and may not have made it back. It wasn't a problem at all and my midwife said not uncommon.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/06/2017 14:39

Thinking that things are 'wrong' because an authority tells you they are, in a black and white way, is normally a stage children grow out of fairly young. Adults are more able to look at laws and rules and assess. Are they fair, equal, just, do they do what they are designed to do? Is the cost of breaking the rule higher than the cost to society of adhering to a bad rule for unity?

In short, do the needs of the few outweigh the needs of the many or does the rule even serve the many? It's complicated adulting.

RadioGaGoo · 26/06/2017 14:41

I don't think I have ever read a thread where someone has not called the OP jealous. It's getting to be a stock response.

But then I sound like hard work and nasty Grin