Should i cancel trip because of other mums?

[Helpwhatshouldidoplease]

Hi,

I am due to go on a school trip with my DC who has SEN. I caught a group of other mums talking about him and now it's put me off going. I felt so angry, I just don't want him to be centre of attention for their judgement and gossip should he struggle and get upset on the trip. The other kids have said he's been pushing them but I asked the school and they havent seen anything, he has full time 1.1. she said all kids push anyway it's how they learn etc but i feel like he's being gossip about, I can't describe it. I told one of the mum's about his diagnosis and she's obviously told everyone else.

I do suffer from social anxiety and depression so I don't know if I am oversensitive. Wibu to stop him going on the trip? He has no idea what's happening anyway.

the irony is that mothers are being bitches to discuss thing but it's OK to discuss the same subject on a forum

The best thing to do is go, be present, be pleasant, let him be part of the class.

Withdrawing him would signal your agreement with the gossips - that he shouldn't be part of the class, part of any social group, that he is inconvenient to others so should be removed.

What sort of life do you want him to live? An included one, or an excluded one?

Generally, when you face your fears, turn up and get on with things, it always turns out better than you expected. If there is a problem you're there to head it off straight away. Being absent allows space for gossip and for misunderstandings to fester - which it sounds like what's happened here.

I mean that it sounds like these parents are scapegoating your DS. Makes it easy to present and believe theirs as perfect darlings. The more your DS is actually there, especially with other parents present, the more they will see that their myth does not match reality - that actually he's fine and not everyone else is perfectly behaved.

Being there gives you access to shared evidence too, so ability to challenge made up nonsense.

he irony is that mothers are being bitches to discuss thing but it's OK to discuss the same subject on a forum grin

No irony as far as I can see because it's completely anonymous and also no one is spreading gossip about a particular child in the school which is attended by that child.

Go and have a lovely time with your son
There will always be gossips
If there was a problem at school they would let you know
Basically , bollocks to them

Yes, i accept he could be pushing I'm not one of those who thinks my child is perfect and can do not wrong. I just don't like people gossiping about it. It may build up a picture of him in people's minds.

No, I am not bitching. I am anonymous I don't know any of you, I don't gather round with you at school whilst another parent is alone with a child and we are having a good old gossip about said child. I dont have friends so can't ask anyone for advice. I asked my mum and she said not to go! Otjer than that i don't have anyone.

Definitely go, don't allow your child to be marginalised or isolated.

""I just don't want him to be the subject of gossip and everyone looking at him.""

As said, you've got to get over that, because that can be the reality.

I had to send my DD from a mainstream school reception class, into a SENS because it became apparent that she needed the change. I still had one child at the school and the gossip/snide remarks were horrendous until the Alpha Mum had a DD knocked over and she had temporary (thankfully) neurological issues. Then the nastiness stopped.

Speak to the Head about the gossip and accusations, but then put them behind you.

How old is he op?

Hes 4. But is between 8-20 months in most areas of development.

It's a school trip, isn't it? Surely all the other parents aren't going? How would they gossip about your son?

No but those mum's are.

Maybe he wouldnt cope and will have a meltdown and people will look and judge him.

You're thinking the worst and you can choose not to.

Yes there is the odd bitch around but you need to brave it out and not let it effect you. Any bitchy behaviour is more about the bitch and not about anyone else.

I only know two bitches and they have huge hang ups. Most people are reasonable/empathic and have too many issues of their own to give your sons pushing much thought. And yes it normal for good friends to chat about their problems. There's very little I wouldn't tell my close mates. But we talk with empathy and try and see things from various view points.

Next time talk to the mum or the teacher.

I'm sure your son is a very nice little boy. If he's much younger mentally he's probably more like a toddler and so might naturally push without intent.

All most all children have meltdowns. It's quite normal. Stop zooming in on other people judging. You are too hyper sensitive about what other people might be thinking. The fact is that you can't read their minds. You have no idea what they are really thinking. You are basing your paranoia on a bitchy comment made by one person.

Children lie. I've been a full time one to one with a child every single second of the schools day. Other children would lie to their parents saying that this child had hurt them. He most certainly had not but they would repeatedly lie about the 'sen' child and the mothers would gossip incorrectly and nastily about them. the class teacher, senco, me, the head all knew and could prove it was lies. Didn't stop the gossip parents complaining.

Go on the school trip. Don't give two fucks about the other parents.