Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Am I being walked all over here?

50 replies

user1498051868 · 26/06/2017 07:56

I'm 31 so you would think by now I could stick up for myself more.
My friend has a big group of friends but wouldn't dream of speaking to them like she does me.
Saturday night me and her other friends arranged a night out ..she said we will pick you up at 10pm..I said 10pm that's late..why don't you come at 8pm and we can have a few drinks in mine.
She agreed then turned up at 10pm anyway.
I wasn't part of this discussion about times etc ..they made the decision.
Earlier in the day I said I want to go to this particular bar..(one of the other girls says she doesn't like it,so every time we go out with her we aren't allowed to go) she said ok then.
Got out of the taxi and she said no we weren't going in there..so I went to the pub they wanted to go.

At the weekend we are going to Manchester.
5 of us and taking 2 cars.
I said to my friend I'm going in your mums car as your friend drives too fast (Literally 70 in a 30 area once) she said ok then.
I know for a fact come Saturday I will get to the house and she will say your in the car I don't want to go.
Basically everything I say or ask for isn't listened too.
Yet the other 2 girls will get to be in her mums car ..
How do I stand up for myself?

OP posts:

MumW · 26/06/2017 08:45

There are some odd -shitty- people out there who seem to think they are 'friends'.

I second getting the money now - some unforseen emergency needing to be paid for but your card is maxed out, if necessary.

Can you get the mum on side & say you want to travel with her?

Clandestino · 26/06/2017 08:46

Seriously? So, you pay for all the hotel rooms with your credit card in advance? You want to be in a different car and you're being ignored and you are asking whether you are being walked over?

Make this the last time you're with her, please. She's blatantly using you and abusing your total lack of assertiveness.

pudcat · 26/06/2017 08:51

Get the money now beforehand. Stop going out with your friend - she is doing drugs. These "friends" are a forceful toxic group and will show no mercy in making you do things you don't want to do. If your friend is taking coke I would imagine the others are. It might even explain the driving of the scary driver.

Funnyface1 · 26/06/2017 08:54

Just stand up for yourself. Be straight with her. Answer "we'll see" with "no we won't, I'm not going in that car. She drives too fast and I don't feel safe. I'm not going in that car". Don't ask, tell.

After this trip I would take a huge step back if she doesn't start considering you more.

Original poster

user1498051868 · 26/06/2017 08:54

I would never take drugs of any sort ..
A few years and neither would she ..
She's even sleeping around to be like them ..I don't get it.
I've decided I'm going to just travel anyway ..least I'm doing what I want to do and it's safe.

OP posts:

blueskyinmarch · 26/06/2017 08:56

You are going to go by train do you mean?

Oldbutstillgotit · 26/06/2017 09:09

If you cancel more than 24 hours in advance would they still charge ? I am sure that Booking.com allow that . In answer to your question about standing up for yourself I found that after saying no to something I didn't want to do the first time it became easier . Good luck .

Funnyface1 · 26/06/2017 09:13

Isn't taking the train going to cause a massive tension? I think confronting it head on would actually be less awkward!

VeryButchyRestingFace · 26/06/2017 09:14

No I'm not paying I reserved the room on my card but then we pay in cash when we get there but if we didn't turn up my card would be charged the full amount.

Why oh why oh why did you do that?

SeagullsStoleMyChurro · 26/06/2017 09:16

Don't be friends with people who make you feel shit. It's not worth it and you'll kick yourself in retrospect.

Original poster

user1498051868 · 26/06/2017 09:18

Yeah I meant train but your right it could cause more drama...
I know I massively regretted giving her my card to secure the rooms as soon as I did it ..

OP posts:

emmyrose2000 · 26/06/2017 09:20

Yikes! How did you end up using your card to make the booking? Can you call the hotel and have your card removed from the booking and have someone else's put on instead?

If no one turns up, will your card be charged the 500, or the entire amount for the weekend? What is the total for the entire hotel stay for the weekend?

I would do everything in my power to get the entire amount before the weekend, either in cash or direct transfer, so that even if none of you end up going at least you won't be footing the entire bill.

I wouldn't want to travel with someone who does more than double the speed limit either. Gods! What I would do is, agree to meet as per arrangement, but if they refuse to let you in the 'safe' car, pull out of the weekend - BUT MAKE SURE YOU ALREADY HAVE THE MONEY TO COVER YOUR CARD! I would let them know that the card holder has be to there to sign in at the hotel, and if you're not there they won't be able to get into the room (not all hotel are strict on that, but they won't know that), and the only way you're going is if you're in the safe car.

Regardless of what happens this weekend, I'd drop these people. Life's too short to be wasting it with drug addicts and people who disrespect you.

HolyGhost · 26/06/2017 09:23

I read your posts without noticing you had said at the beginning of your OP that you were 31 - I was assuming you were a very young 19 or 20 year old! Honestly, OP, you seem afraid of your friends, and they don't seem very nice or considerate to you. Whose idea was it that the person that, by your own account, no one takes any notice of ever, spends 500 pounds on hotel rooms for the group, and loses all the money unless the people who never listen to you decide to repay you?

In the nicest possible way, you need to stop whining about other people's behaviour. You have no control over how someone else behaves. What you can and should alter is your own behaviour. You seem to be in this group on sufferance because they are your friend's friends, not yours, which puts you right at the bottom of the pecking order -- how well do you know these people, and do you have independent friendships with them? If not, is it possible they only tolerate you because of your mutual friends, hence they're not interested in coming to your house for drinks, or accommodating your preference for which car you travel in, or which bar you like?

I'd be working on improving my self-esteem and assertiveness, and seeing your friend separately to the group in your shoes.

pudcat · 26/06/2017 09:44

Why on earth give someone your card? I would now check your account in case she used it for other purchases.

Original poster

user1498051868 · 26/06/2017 09:45

They are friends friends and if I'm honest I don't really like them,they not my type of people,and they probably feel the same.
The thing was on Saturday there was only 3 of us ..me my friend and the other girl so I assumed we could each pick somewhere we liked.
My friend and I go back years and when it's just me and her it's totally totally different.
Saturday was only meant to be the two of us then invited her friend.

OP posts:

Original poster

user1498051868 · 26/06/2017 09:46

It's only one night so £500 is the complete total.
My friend when she booked didn't see or read the terms and conditions that said no cancellation

OP posts:

ElspethFlashman · 26/06/2017 09:52

God, yes, they have certainly got you pegged.

You sound like you have been incredibly meek. She says jump and you say how high.

HolyGhost · 26/06/2017 09:53

My friend when she booked didn't see or read the terms and conditions that said no cancellation

Or she didn't care/take the time to read them because it was only you, the person who doesn't get a say in anything.

OP, why are you hanging around with these people? Are you so desperate to keep your friend, even though you don't like her new friends, or the person she's become? I honestly don't think that allowing yourself to be walked over by her and the others, when you are all together, is going to do your friendship any favours, either. It just perpetuates the idea that you aren't important, and that it doesn't matter if you are £500 out of pocket.

You still haven't said how it all ended up being put on your card, even though your 'friend' boooked...?

ElspethFlashman · 26/06/2017 09:58

So her mum is going?

Ring her mum directly TODAY. Say you have realised you're not going to be able to afford to go, oh well, shame. Therefore they're going to need a different credit card for security and you rang her so she (Mum) could kindly ring the hotel and substitute hers as you know Shit Friend wasn't able to.

Then tomorrow RING THE HOTEL AND WITHDRAW YOUR CARD! Not your problem if one of them hasn't substituted their card, it's not like you didn't give warning.

Mix56 · 26/06/2017 10:03

will they withdraw card if there is no replacement?
Why not call them & ask. they may be willing to cancel if there is plenty of demand. No harm in trying

jay55 · 26/06/2017 10:03

When you check in make sure your card is not against their rooms for any charges.

pudcat · 26/06/2017 10:06

If your friend booked using your card you can ring the hotel and say that your card has been used fraudulently, without your knowledge. You can ring your card provider and say the same. They will cancel your card straight away so that it cannot be used by the hotel.

AntiopeofThemyscira · 26/06/2017 10:22

I would cancel the credit card.

Mix56 · 26/06/2017 10:22

Surely, if you call this outing off, & the hotel won't cancel, the best thing is to tell friend you can no longer go & they need to replace the card, if she refuses, just say you don't want to risk it, & if no one can use a replacement card, then you will cancel yours.
You are 31, You need to stop being so needy, & letting them use you.
You do not need to make up any lame excuse, tell her the truth.

emmyrose2000 · 26/06/2017 10:46

Firstly I'd call the hotel and see if you can cancel the booking. If not, I'd cancel my card, get a new one issued, advise the hotel that your card is no longer valid and that if they want to continue with the booking they'll need to contact your non-friends for a new holding card.

Then contact your non-friend and tell her you're not going on the weekend, and drop her/them.

Flip

1 2