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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slightly Annoyed with DM

17 replies

ShitStorm2017 · 26/06/2017 07:22

Morning, I've NC'd for this one.

I have an 11 mo DD with my fiancé and I do know that she is our responsibility as it was are choice to have a baby etc.

Next week I'm starting a new job and my childminder is on holiday so I'm really stuck for childcare.

I've asked my mum to have DD for the 3 hours. Now she's said she can't because she needs to drive my DS (sister) (16yo) to college.

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm really annoyed. My mum treats DS completely different to how she treated me at that age. At 16 I had a part time job and would have to get a bus everywhere from a remote village and wait around for hours at a time regularly. I also had to do my own cooking, washing, pay for college fare and food etc.

My DS is treated like a princess and ferried around to college and back on a daily basis, despite their being a bus every 20 mins! DM claims DS doesn't like getting the bus, but she's happy enough to do an hours bus journey to her boyfriends house Hmm I didn't like getting 2 different buses to and from school with an hours wait in between at the age of 11 but I had to do it!

It's annoyed me now because I really need my mums help (I never ask her for anything) but she won't because that would mean my DS having to get a 20min bus ride to college that 'she hasn't done before and doesn't know the bus times'. A quick google would solve that one Angry

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 26/06/2017 07:23

Why can't she take your DD in the car with her?

Original poster
ShitStorm2017 · 26/06/2017 07:28

We live half an hour away and my DM doesn't like driving DD in the car.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShitStorm2017 · 26/06/2017 07:49

Bumping for morning traffic!

OP posts:
GlitterRoseGold · 26/06/2017 07:54

Sorry op sounds like she's making excuses not to take your dd. Maybe she just wants the time to herself

BoredOnMatLeave · 26/06/2017 07:59

I can see how you are annoyed and I don't see why she cant take her in the car but the end of the day you can't really rely on family for childcare, could you take holiday or parental leave?

Shoxfordian · 26/06/2017 08:01

Yeah I can see that's annoying but if your mum won't take her then you need to find some alternative care

figandvanillacandle · 26/06/2017 08:02

To be honest, this is the main reason I went with a nursery in the end ... not hugely helpful to you, I know!

SafeToCross · 26/06/2017 08:06

Maybe she is wary of just getting your dsis to adulthood and then being expected to slot into regularly helping your dd. You know its a one off, but maybe she doesn't. At least she is making it clear. I don't blame you for feeling annoyed though.

Timeforabiscuit · 26/06/2017 08:06

Non involved grandparents can't be counted on, but the rejection stings -especially when it involves your own child too.

Sort something else out, make your disapointment clear - its your mums choice how she spends her time and there may be a load of things going on that your mum isnt telling you (school refusal, bullying on bus), but I'm a great believer that you reap what you sow.

Original poster
ShitStorm2017 · 26/06/2017 08:20

Thanks all. DM is an active part in
DD's life, she regularly face times and she's had DD many a time before because she wants to spend time with her.

I just resent the difference in the way she treated me compared to my siblings. I had to do things for myself throughout my teens yet my DS and DS have been spoilt rotten.

I've always done right by my parents, done them favours when asked, given them money when struggling etc. I just feel it's a bit unfair.

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 26/06/2017 09:11

I don't t think this is about childcare.

I think it's really about you feeling second best to your sister and your DM showing favouritism.

I am in the "your child your responsibility" camp and you'll just need to find alternative childcare or take the day off.

Elenorrigbywoes · 26/06/2017 09:45

Could you speak to your sister and ask her to take the bus on this one occasion as you are really stuck?

Groupie123 · 26/06/2017 10:42

These are two separate issues. Don't muddle them.

Your DM is quite reasonable to reject looking after your daughter. Her life, her time, her choice.

Witchend · 26/06/2017 10:52

It is different her ferrying your dsis around because presumably when you were that age she had a younger one to look after and would have had to drag out in the car.
It's fairly normal for older ones to get more in some ways but less in others.

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 26/06/2017 11:44

I would offer to pay for a taxi for DSis

LurkingHusband · 26/06/2017 12:17

My mum treats DS completely different to how she treated me at that age

Is she the youngest ?

GivePeasAGo · 29/06/2017 21:54

You said that now she's saying she can't. Did she agree initially? Because I don't think Yabu to feel let down given her lack of support towards you and favouritism to your sisters. But had she agreed first then changed her mind them that would be more hurtful.

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