We have been separated for 3 years and divorced a few months ago. He continues to have sporadic access to this house when caring for the dc while I'm at work and I plan to put a stop to it once and for all once the finances are finalised. He is financially fucked and lives in a tiny, smelly, dank flat. He will get a about £14k from me (the maximum I can raise and we had no assets other than the house except my pension), will probably piss most of it up the wall and then go back to being financially fucked. He was sahd, but had no career before becoming a dad aged 39 and has made a series of ridiculous decisions since we split due to his infidelity.
Dc have an inset tomorrow and it's his turn to cover it. They have begged me all day to let him have them here - he has no garden, the flat is as described above and according to ds1 he does nothing with them, is half asleep most of the time and it will be so boring. I think he may have been exaggerating for effect, but I do feel guilty. They don't seem to do a lot, and, while he hasn't got much money, I think he could make more effort. He has a condition that causes fatigue but it doesn't stop him doing gigs (musician) or some coaching with ds1's sport team - it just feels like he prioritises the things he enjoys and cba with difficult stuff like entertaining the dc in tricky conditions. I have also noticed he doesn't seem to read with them anymore or do music practise. I'm sick of being the one to sort everything while he acts like a glorified babysitter, one who insisted he wanted 50/50 access (we do about 65/35 to me).
I feel so guilty and sad about the dc not looking forward to an inset though. DS1 attacked me for only caring about money and I told him my job was why I have a nice house, and I feel mean for saying that, but if there's one good thing to come of this it is that they can learn from ex's mistakes.
If they spent tomorrow here he would eat everything he could find and leave the place like an utter shit hole. I work f/t and am doing extra exam marking now to pay for the fucking divorce and the debts he left me with and can't face coming home to his mess. But that is selfish isn't it? I could send a text now offering use of this place - but should I? It is the dc's home...