Childcare

[tattiehat]

Really need some perspective here as I'm doubting myself!

My DH is a SAHD I work FT, he's great with DD (2). DD also goes to a childminder 2 days a week mainly to help with her social skills.

When i come in from work I spend time with DD and pretty much do everything with her til I put her to bed, I love this time with her no complaints about that at all. What annoys me is that I am then expected to sort dinner out do dishes etc whilst he is sat on his phone. He does little housework although he does do the laundry (I still have to iron). If he does something like the vacuuming then he tells me so like he wants a medal for it

At the weekends it's almost always me that gets up with DD unless I make a song & dance about never getting a lie-in then he'll take a turn but I will never hear the end of it. I am also expected to basically take care of DD at weekends/holidays etc (he does a little bit but no nappy changes because he does them all week )

Perfectly willing to be told IABU......?

I was a SAHM for two years and I found it utterly draining, in retrospect I should have put DD in with a childminder even if it meant being out of pocket. I know on MN everyone's like'just pop her in a playpen while you run the Hoover round and mop the floor' but it simply didn't work like that at all, she (seemed to me, at any rate) needed constant entertaining, and the layout of her house was awkward for the baby/toddler years. So DH probably did way more than his fair share.

I think you need to have a sit down and try and work out a plan between you that gets stuff done without one or other of you feeling hard done by. But I would start by asking him if he actually likes being a sahd.

I'm a SAHM, so like a SAHD but different chromosomes.

My day consists of getting child up, fed, ready, entertaining, laundry, clean house, do shopping, get supper ready, house work.

DH works A LOT but when he comes in all that is expected of him is to come upstairs with DS and I and basically give DS a kiss. If DS stirs whilst I'm in the middle of cooking DH may be sent up to settle him (around doing paperwork).

At weekends DH often cooks supper once (but I'll tidy up, he doesn't load the dishwasher well!) and will have DS on his own for 2-3 hours each day whilst I do my hobby.

Your SAHP sounds like a bit of a lazy arse!

It doesn't sound like you need to make too many changes, really, which is a positive thing. You're happy with him staying home, with the childminder, and with spending time with DD after you get home from work. You basically just need to negotiate the chores and that you each get a morning to lie in each weekend. If he did the meal planning, cooking, and half of the rest of the chores (after making a list), would you be happy with that?

He's taking the piss

Except he has 2 childfree days a week when he's also not working and not doing any housework, either. That is pisstaking.

This is why I never went back to work full time! We had the conversation that as my line of work pays better, financially we would be better off me working full time and dh being SAHD, however, I knew I would end up organising the cooking, cleaning, washing and supermarket shopping on top of work so Dh works and I do PT.