To want a damn lay in too??

[Kipkop]

Me and DH have both had a week off together with our DD, he works full time shifts, I work part time shifts, we had a mini break during the week during which time I got up with DD every morning , made coffee , breakfast etc. We got home Friday, and Saturday he didn't get up with DD, and again this morning I'm up with DD.

I'm back to work tomorrow , so now Iv got the hump that I haven't had a single lay in this week. Not even 20 mins to enjoy a coffee in bed. DH has also been coming to bed late (IMO) either midnight if he's awake or after midnight if he falls asleep on the sofa.

I've just brought this up with him and he basically said why are you moaning if u want to go bed at midnight then do it , I said but what about when DD wakes at 6am ! He said he would get up with her . Oh really ?! Why haven't you then! Apparently I need to nudge him and tell him to get up with her .... why should I nudge him? No one nudges me ? So early mornings with DD is primarily my responsibility unless I nudge DH?

AIBU to think I'm being taken the piss out of ?

Everyone is capable of hearing small children and waking up when needed if they think they are primarily responsible for the children. I've read research that shows that the non-primary career will wake quickly in the night / morning for children making noise if their partner is away for some reason.

So basically he's not waking up because he sees the childcare as your job. Which would annoy me, parenting is shared.

Why should I have to ask him tho, he doesn't ask me?

I'm not trying to be a martyr , I think it's PMS today mainly, and like I said I honestly didn't mind doing it while we were away , but since we've been home I'm considering that I'm being taken the piss out of. It's all well and good saying "ask him or wake him up" but he doesn't ask me or wake me up. And he persistently goes to bed late, knowing that DD is up by 6am, so he lessens his chances of waking up.

It's too late now to rectify it and yeh I shouldn't have left it till I'm going back to work tomorrow.

I will suggest to him we both get one lie in a week. Agreed in advance.

This makes me feel better by DH is exactly the same. I have a DD toddler and 1week old - he always says he will willingly get up for DD but just doesn't stir like I do - (it takes a bloody foghorn!) and he needs so much prodding and 'waking time' it's often easier just to do myself - cue stopping newborn feed for potty emptying at 6am! Then I see him snoring and think what the bloody hell an I doing and he gets short shrift from me, which really I need to just prod, prod, prod til he wakes and accept he'll never stir from LO noises like I do!!

You are not being unreasonable in wanting I alive in your massively are in not asking for one then moaning! We have an almost 13 month old DS and he wakes between 6am and 8am we are off on holiday next week and will take it in turns to have a lie in,we do day about when we are both off and some days we both get up early with him and make the most of a full day and early start. I'm very lucky in that my DH although a lazy bugger does recognise that looking after our son around part time working for myself is a harder job than him going to work himself!

Everyone is capable of hearing small children and waking up when needed if they think they are primarily responsible for the children
True!
DH and I also define who is "on call" before going to bed as ours wake up during the night sometimes, I hear them calling if it is my turn but sleep through if it is DH's (most of the time). I couldn't believe it first but it really works.

My DH is exactly the same and tbh I've largely given up after 7 yrs. yes I could prod him but by then I'm awake anyway and it would be nice if he just did for once. But like your DH, he stays up late so happily sleeps till 8-9 at the weekend.

Plus if he he does go downstairs with DS, he puts a film on and falls asleep on the sofa, so DS then gets bored and comes to find me anyway.

In fact it's a standing joke he says "Dave from work has just rang he needs me to go in !" When DS is being hard work!

Why are you allowing him to be a part time parent? Any gets ups during the week, you take in turns and each have a lie in at the weekend.

OP - if you always do something, if you have made that 'your job' in the family, then you will need to have a chat about making it his sometimes.

Calm down, and say "OK, next Saturday/Sunday/when you are both not needed to get up early for work, can you get up with DD?" then nudge him as suggested if he doesn't wake up.

Discuss this stuff in advance, rather than doing it all then getting all stroppy because you've done it all.

The morning is too late to establish who's getting up. It has to be decided the night before, minimum.

You shouldn't have to ask him.

I bet he's one of those "babysitter" dads who act like they are doing you a massive favour if they do a bit of parenting of their own child.

DH and routinely take turns getting up early, regardless of late nights or who's working. No nudging or asking required. As it should be.

You need to tell him that it is not your responsibility, he is just as much the parent as you. Just don't get up next time.

intrans, could you link me that research? I'm curious. DP almost never wakes up for the baby. I don't mind. But I wonder about it - surely some people do just sleep more soundly?

That said I don't think this is the main issue for the OP - the point is that her DH is treating her lie in as yet another thing she has to organize. He could set an alarm if he actually wanted to wake up and give her a break.

I will if I can find it again! Let me look.