To think you're never judged as much before…

[Dozyoldtwonk]

…you become a parent?

FFS, I'm getting so bored of other parents making passive aggressive comments / remarks; 2 examples from this week:

• DD almost 2 eating a pizza slice with shock a jalapeño pepper on it at a party. Mum I don't know "oh god, take that off her, it's spicy"
• A good friend asking how I cope going to soft play with 2 under 2 (DS 4 months), "as in, how do you keep your eye on DD at all times & ensure she safe". Erm, I don't, she's a competent soft player thank you very much & if she's in my line of sight, that's enough for me.

Another one: being told under no uncertain circumstances DD (when around 1yo) could hold my car key because of the germs on them, being told I shouldn't be dressing my baby in this, that & the other because it's too hot/cold/windy & on it goes…

Basically, I'm fed up of everyone feeling like they have a right to an opinion on how you raise your DC; & to relay it in such a judgy manner. I then start to doubt my parenting skills, followed by slapping myself for doubting myself. I do think so many parents are too precious these days, maybe I am just a tad too liberal, I don't know. I realise I sound far too emotional & invested & probably just need to go to bed but by god, just let me parent how I feel is best

Some people do need some comments though.

I sat and watched a friend continually give in to her 3.5 year olds requests for more drinks. The drinks hebwas given were Innocent Kids Smoothies (7 spoons of sugar in each carton). He was given 3 in an afternoon. That's 21 spoons of sugar just from 3 drinks.

He was also allowed two ice lollies, adult sized ones not minis. Some mini rice cakes the sugary flavoured ones and the boy was given the whole bag to eat and he did eat them all. A packet of cheese and onion pom bear crisps. A kinder bar. Haribo. This was on one fucking afternoon and then he refused to eat his dinner.

At that point I said no wonder he wont eat it are you aware of all the sugary snacks he's been given and she told me where to go and it's none of my business.

Alrighty. I'll say no more.

But if any of you think that is a fit diet for a 3 year old please let me know.

It happens every time I see her. Snacks snacks snacks snacks all of them loaded with sugar.

I've got seven kids. The eldest is 17 and youngest is 7. They can all jog on and fuck off if they want to judge my parenting
Been there and done it

I can imagine.

Although, I think you get judged parent or not. I'm not a parent but I'm always asked when I'm having kids, why am I not having kids yet, why am I waiting a couple of years, being reminded of my age, being told not to change jobs just incase I get pregnant etc etc

I think it's a part of life, people will judge you whatever you do (or don't do) I've found, as long as what you do either makes you happy or is right for you and your family then ignore what others are saying.

shes a competent soft player

OP - Caring what people think of you is the enemy of happiness. Improve your self esteem by doing estimable things for others, then you won't care as much.

Ds got a new snow suit when he was about 2. It was october so not snowsuit weatger but he wantes to wear it.

A woman stopped me in the supermarket and told me it wasnt really cold enough for a snow suit.

I just looked at her and said 'and...he wanted to wear it.......what is it to do with you? Would you like me to give my opinion on what you are wearing?'

She scuttles off. When i had my first (dd) this sort of stuff bothered me. By the time ds cme along i just found it eaiser to deal with each person at the time. I hope it will make them think before commenting in future.

Mrs Klugscheisser, I was also going to suggest trying Russia or Central Europe...

I still remember being told off (on a warm bus in winter) for dd1 not having gloves on.

The woman went on and on at me so much, that I never got a word in edgeways to tell her that I had gloves under the buggy, which I was planning to put on once we got off the bus. It was weirdly upsetting.

I can't recall any strangers making comments to me in real life.

But the judgement here on mumsnet is off the scale From newborns to 18 year olds there will be someone ready to tell you that you are neglectful.

Not relevant to your post bad the poor grammar in your op is really irritating.

You use an abbreviation for the present tense instead of the past tense.

Runs and hides.

at lela that's hilarious.

I learned to avoid. Plus I have the amazing luxury of working in a male dominated environment and I'm the only woman in my direct team. It's a great feeling and a great relief because I prefer direct communication and, if needed, a row to clear the air instead of the bitchiness and back-stabbing which seems to dominate the female environment.

I have no advice on how to stop the judging I'm afraid but I am stealing the 'competent soft player' line - brilliant .

I wonder how a child is deemed a competent soft player?

My pet hates used to be:

Your DD is too old for a dummy - yes, I know she shouldn't have a dummy at 3yo, but it's bloody hard work weaning them off it, and sometimes you go for the easy option when you have a grumpy tired child on your hands.

Your DD is too old to be in a buggy - let them walk - Again, a tired grumpy toddler will just park her bum on the pavement refusing to move, so a toss up between having a buggy on hand or carrying a deadweight toddler home from the park.

Your DD shouldn't be sleeping with you at 3yo; if they get out of bed, then you should just keep taking them back to their bed until they get the message - Yes, that always seems to work on super nanny programmes, but what if they never get 'the message' and it's midnight and you're on your 100th attempt at getting them to settle in their own bed??

My DD is now 19yo and no longer has a dummy, and can walk long distances pretty well without a buggy. And she no longer sleeps with me, but manages to sleep in her own bed!! So you see, things always come good in the end.

Brilliant post Livelove

I think it cuts both ways. As a child-free woman in her 40's I get plenty of judgement too. I find wine helps.

Tbh I think some of your feeling judged is your own issue op.

Your first two examples I don't see as judgy at all to me. Pointing out a jalapeño is spicy...it wouldn't occur to me that a 2 year old would eat one and I may well do the same, thinking mum hadn't noticed. Questions along the 'how do you manage with 2/3/10' is just general, inane conversation. I can't see where the judgement in either is.

3 isnt too old for a dummy in fact that was the best thing to give her.

My sister was the anti dummy brigade calling it lazy parenting

Her 5 year old son now sucks his thumb 24/7 & she cant exactly cut his hand off to stop him

Saiman that's a perfect response.