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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want MIL and her partner to spoil the evening

34 replies

Happyhippy45 · 24/06/2017 18:19

Have a vent.
My DH and I have planned to go to a concert locally. We've seen the act before and they were really good. It was hit or miss if I'd be well enough to go last time but I pushed myself and had a lovely evening. We've not been out to any shows and rarely socialise outside the house because of my condition so I was really looking forward to going to see this act again.
My DH mentioned that maybe his mum and her partner would like to come with us (it's a folky type act that's quite well known.)
I agreed they might even though they are both quite deaf so he phoned there and then and invited them.
Now I'm thinking about it and feel like it's going to seriously dampen the nice evening out. Looking after an elderly couple on a rare night out when I'm only slightly better than I was last time I went is making me feel a bit low.
I was looking forward to some good music and maybe a beer.
There is a small chance they won't be able to make it as they have family coming over visit who haven't booked flights etc yet....should I live in hope or ask DH to lie and tell them we couldn't get tickets and just go ourselves? DH probably hasn't even considered that I wouldn't want them to come. I get on fine with them and they'd most likely enjoy themselves too. If they do come it means making dinner and having them stay overnight which on top of going out will probably be too much for me and I'll need a few days to recover. I'm not being selfish am I?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 24/06/2017 19:13

Oops I seem to have accidentally deleted part of my post.

..you will go for a rest while your dp cooks.

Happyhippy45 · 24/06/2017 19:21

Thanks mummy
My brain has turned to mush since being ill.

OP posts:
TheFatOfTheLand · 24/06/2017 19:22

Your MIL and her partner won't spoil the evening, it will have been your inability to say 'no' when asked if they could come.

Tell your partner that you aren't up to doing the catering etc. and that it's his responsibility. Hopefully you'll then relax and enjoy the evening.

I'd be pretty proud to have in-laws who were up for going to a concert in their 80's Grin

(is it Mumford and Sons?)

Urubu · 24/06/2017 19:50

I agree with Mummy
If they end up coming take it easy, your DH can do the bulk of the work with the ILs and you might still be able to enjoy your evening!

Lucywithout · 24/06/2017 20:11

Drink the beer. Her thoughts on that do not matter.
Get bed made up days before. M&S make prepared meals and veg, and lovely puds.
They will not require much care in a theatre seat. I think you are overthinking this. It could be a pleasant evenīng for you all and a bit of normality for you. Sorry you are so weary and I hope you feel a brighter soon.

ImperialBlether · 24/06/2017 20:19

Well obviously if they're sitting in a theatre seat they won't need much care, but the OP has said she's been off sick for 18 months, rarely goes out, the parents are in their 80s and need a lot of care, they'll want a meal etc and it will exhaust her for days afterwards.

Why can't people see this?!

TheFatOfTheLand · 24/06/2017 21:24

Why can't people see this?!

People have seen this hence putting the onus on her partner (their son) to look after them, arrange meals, sort out the house etc.

To be honest he should be doing that anyway without being asked if the OP has been ill for so long.

PeaFaceMcgee · 24/06/2017 21:29

Doesn't your husband know how to make dinner OP? Or make a bed up for guests?

Why do you have to do anything different? Leave it all to him!

Happyhippy45 · 24/06/2017 21:33

If I was well, I'd bust a gut making sure they had a lovely time. Making a nice meal, cleaning the house, having something nice for a cooked breakfast etc. Under normal circumstances it would be a lovely evening out with them and a really nice thoughtful thing for my DH to think of. (I usually organise these type of things.)
I'm a people pleaser and say yes to most things to my own detriment, but since I've been ill I'm starting to be able to say no to things. My reflexes were just a bit slow on this one.
DH won't have time to cook and clean, so I'll have to do what I can....encourage a takeaway I think.....making it an expensive night but I suppose better than me being laid up for longer.
My DH hasn't seen his mum for a while, due to me being ill and him having to run our business without my help. He is overwhelmed with everything he has to do.....so he doesn't always think about how my condition makes normal things more difficult.......I have an "invisible disability" which isn't as easy to gage as a physical one.
I suppose I've learnt another lesson.

OP posts:
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