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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel upset

7 replies

Tigerblue · 24/06/2017 11:54

Things have been building up over the last couple of weeks and now DH is going to need my support and it's the final thing - I really want to cry - at the same time none of this is about me. Sorry, I just need to offload here or somewhere!

My Uncle (who is like a second Dad to me) hasn't been well for a 10 weeks, after the four scans (his only symptom is occasionally being sick) they've confirmed he has lung cancer and they're operating on either 4th or 5th July. He's 83, but looking at him you'd think he was more like 70 so I didn't see it lung cancer coming.

I recently had to have one of my cats PTS. My other cat needs a dental and as she's elderly with a heart murmur the vet says there's an increased risk with the operation. I've had a lot of soul searching over what to do, and she's now booked in next week. I'll never forgive myself if I lose her while she's under, but at the same time she needs to live pain free. I love(d) my cats and they are like children to me.

I also have a friend with breast cancer and they'll be operating in 10-14 days. I can't imagine what's been going through her mind and what she's got to put herself through.

The final straw is that we found out MIL has started being sick a couple of weeks ago. Doctor has scan booked and results due this week. In the meantime she's lost a lot of weight, can't eat and is breathless. DH kept saying it's because she's elderly but he saw her yesterday and admitted he can't see her getting through this. I don't know whether I want to cry for him, her or it's just everything coming at one. Hopefully I'm just having an off day.

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 24/06/2017 11:58

feel so sorry for you going through all this at once, no advice but hope someone else will be able to help Flowers

PollytheDolly · 24/06/2017 12:01

Flowers here for you. Keep talking. That's such a lot to deal with, I'm so sorry xx

MatildaTheCat · 24/06/2017 12:08

This isn't just about your dh though, is it? You are both worried and upset and with good cause.

Try not to catastrophise. Each situation is individual and each person has different risks and outcome potential.

Just in case it's any help my dad is 83 and has had treatment for two cancers and is doing nicely. My uncle had half a lung removed and is also doing nicely ( he is also very overweight and unfit). Breast cancer is better understood and treated than ever before. You are doing your very best for your cat. Mine is also 17 and toward the end of her lifespan so caring for sore teeth is kinder than leaving them sore.

Take care and approach these tough times as a team.

Tigerblue · 24/06/2017 12:14

Thanks for your quick replies.

Matilda, thanks for that over your Dad. My Uncle is pretty good for his age. He has two lumps (one of which we know is growing) but this was only picked up because he had a bad week of being sick and his stomach hasn't been quite right since, so hopefully they've got it early. On the surface he seems to be coping better than my Auntie. Also, for your comments over my girl (the cat!).

Just signing off now, as DD has returned!

OP posts:
2littlemoos · 24/06/2017 12:27

You have every right to cry OP, for yourself as much as everyone else. How overwhelming this must all be Sad

All the CakeWineFlowers for you.

Tigerblue · 24/06/2017 20:16

We've managed to keep ourselves busy this afternoon. DH wanted to go to a garden centre and we've taken DD out for tea to celebrate finishing her GCSEs. This evening I just feel a bit down and tired. I'm working a nine hour day tomorrow (plus 30 mins break) so hopefully that'll get me focused on other things.

I've been in touch with my friend who has cancer. She needs time on her own at the moment, but has accepted a selection of books from me (I have a fair few) in case she feels up to reading, so it helps me doing something to help her. Her job exposes her to regular illnesses and viruses so she's got to be off for at least five months while she has chemo, she's always worked so that's not going to be easy. I'm at home a fair amount in the week, so hopefully when her familya re nout if she wants company I can pop around to see her.

OP posts:
ifonly4 · 24/06/2017 21:32

Tiger, you have quite a few worrying things going on with your little cat and people you care for, so you're going to feel emotional and not yourself. I know you're trying to be strong for DH, but it might help him as he'll realise you care and he's not going through it all on his own. Also, it might make him realise how you really feel about others and give him something else to focus on.

Give yourself some space. x

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