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In expecting my in-laws to be around in case I go into labour?

18 replies

elliedragon · 21/03/2007 17:33

My in-laws told us last week that they were going on holiday this week for a few days. MIL answer was it isn't due until Saturday! Our baby is due this Saturday and they were are lead people to look after my other 2ds if I went into labour.

OP posts:

hana · 21/03/2007 17:35

yes, rather unkind to do so especially if they are your first conacts to look after your children (do they know they are?) v odd behaviour


Hulababy · 21/03/2007 17:37

If you'd already arranged for them to be your main contacts and childcare for when you went into labour, then no, you are not unreasonable. They should really be around so close to the birth. Do you have any other back up now?


hippmummy · 21/03/2007 17:38

No you are not being unreasonable if they've agreed to look after your children for the birth.

Do they not know that babies sometimes come early?


elliedragon · 21/03/2007 17:41

They knew they were our main ports of call as they were when ds2 was born. I have a few friends that have offered but they all have children and it will be harder to organise when it happens. I am going to find it really hard not to cause an argument when they get back.

OP posts:

VeniVidiVickiQV · 21/03/2007 17:44

My parents did this when i was pg with my first.

They just didnt think. DD was 2 weeks overdue in the end anyway so didnt matter. I wasnt v happy though.


wanderingstar · 21/03/2007 17:51

If they've agreed already to hold the fort with your dd's, then yes totally unreasonable. I'd be really upset and would feel vulnerable. But to make yourself feel back in control again, all I'd say is think very hard now about an alternative back up, and run with them instead. Not easy I know, but so close to the birth you don't want to be feeling so let down by people you though you could trust.

Talking of which...

My first labour was a fastish 4 or 5 hours. 21m later, with dc2 imminent, I'd been warned to expect quicker next time. Mil happily agreed to be on standby to look after ds1, on whom she doted, while dh and I went to the hospital with my independent mw. She appeared totally happy and enthusiastic to be involved; I kept checking she was sure she'd be OK if we called in the middle of the night etc. Yes yes yes she said. We'd talked it all through; she's max 20-30 mins away, albeit she doesn't drive. But she was to jump straight in a cab, or get a lift if one was available (sil was around the corner and willing to do this if around). There was even a direct bus route to drop her off at the end of the road if the traffic was OK. So we all thought 40-45mins would be plenty of time to allow us to get away together. gets the call 7am ish. Good I thought, just before the rush hour but not in the middle of the night either.

But the cow took over 2 hours to get to our house; dh was beside himself as he wanted to be with me at the birth. He missed it as labour was 2 hours. I was really pissed off.

She'd decided to have a shower and wash her 3ft long hair before calling a cab.
This was after we'd carefully explained to her that she was needed BECAUSE my first labour had been so quick.


elliedragon · 21/03/2007 17:59

Poor you wanderingstar. You do wonder how they ever managed to have children themselves!

I had a really fast 2nd labour (3hours) and it was in the middle of the night so no traffic etc, they live about 1/2 hour away. By the time they arrived I had 10 minutes at the hosptial. They then still joke how dh called them to find out why they were taking so long!

I really don't want to use them at all now just to prove a point.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 21/03/2007 18:03

have a home birth - midwife comes to you - you can then transfer to hospital via ambulance if need be! If I had fast labours def worth considering - just to have the pack ready at your house "in case"


mumto3girls · 21/03/2007 18:04

Did she ever make this up to you and your poor dh...?


wanderingstar · 21/03/2007 18:06

Elliedragon I'd dump them really ! They sound about as useful as my mil. Even tough your friends have children, they sound like a better bet. If they've offered, chances are you will all manage somehow. You will feel mentally stronger if you no longer worry about relying on the ILS.

BTW, none of my business but would you consider a homebirth ? I went on to have 2 more dc and both were born at home. The best 2 births by far !


elliedragon · 21/03/2007 18:07

I was thinking that maybe if the worst happened a home birth would be an option. Do you think it is too late to ask about one?

OP posts:

wanderingstar · 21/03/2007 18:08

mumto 3 not really tbh. When I was feeling calmer I did try to talk to her to get to the bottom of it (after all we certainly wouldn't have been noticing the state of her hair fgs) but she claimed not to "realise" she had to hurry. Tbh I'm dredging up a bit of anger just thinking about it 11 years later.


wanderingstar · 21/03/2007 18:09

Never too late ! Go for it.


mumto3girls · 21/03/2007 18:20

Wandering star..sory for making you mad - but you're nicer than me. I'd probably still e sulking with her now!!

Did DH not keep ringing her though??


Piffle · 21/03/2007 18:27

My mother has done this to me and I'm narked as well
At the beginning said she would stay 2 wks before EDD to help me out and as long as we wanted afterwards.
She them stayed in London house sitting for my brother for the last 3 wks (I'm due this friday) stopped in last Thrusday, back to her house 85 miles away, then back to work 2.5 hrs drive away for 3 weeks(she cannot leave job anyway as she is live in carer for senile elderly lady)
So my lovely in laws have cancelled trips to London and nights out to be on standby.
Yes every right to be pissed off esp if they have said they would help previously.

Mum also has vision of bringing elderly lady (total stranger to me) down when baby is born so Mum can see him

I only want my own family round me not some senile stranger FFS



wanderingstar · 21/03/2007 19:42

Mumto3girls - I'm not mad at you. As far as I remember he did keep ringing her, but I guess she was in the bloody shower and my late fil was at that stage really deaf...

Yes I had a lot of issues with her in those days, but that's another story. I try not to get emotionally involved with her at all.


foxeeroxee · 06/03/2012 18:51

I had a big argument with my mum as it was planned that when i went into labour with ds2,she would come n look after my other 2 dc while mil took me n oh to hospital...... so when the time came 2weeks early i rung her n she was too pissed to be of any use. Seen as other 2 dc had come v quick and early, i was oh ended up missing ds2 birth and was heartbroken.
I really sympathise with you and think you should definitly let them know how you feel. how has ur oh reacted?


foxeeroxee · 06/03/2012 18:55

Omg!!! Im new to mumsnet and just noticed date on this thread hahaha im guessing this aint an issue anymore! How the hell did i end up here?


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