For wanting to become the legal guardian for my half-brother?

[user1498213348]

I’m 28 years old and I want to become the legal guardian for my 10-year-old half-brother. He’s currently in foster care after his mother passed away 3 years ago. My family is furious over what I plan to do and they have told me if I take him in, I’ll be dead to them. My mother says she’ll write me out of the will and inheritance.

For a little background, I come from money (mother was born into it; dad was self-made). My parents’ marriage was a joke. I know that divorce is very unhealthy for kids, but in the case of my brothers and I, it would’ve been mercy. Constant screaming and fighting every day. Over the stupidest and pettiest things. Then my dad began cheating, and my half-brother was born to another woman.

My parents’ marriage was a sham prior the adultery; after it, hell was set loose. My mother once attempted to murder my dad in front of us; she stabbed him the shoulder. He was a big guy (6’5 and built like a tank) so she didn’t get far. I suspect the only reason they stayed together was because of financial aspects – their money was tied together.

My mother also started cheating and let it be known to my dad (stuff like coming home and telling him “I got a good fucking.”). My dad didn’t care at all. He would just shrug his shoulders.

My half brother’s mother died in a car crash, and because he didn’t have extended family, he went into foster care. A couple years ago, certain events made me re-evaluate my life and change my perspective. This prompted me to look up my little brother.

I’ve fallen in love with him so much. He’s such a beautiful, lovely, intelligent little boy. Initially I had no plans to take him in, but after being around him for a year and getting to know him, I want to raise him. He deserves the best shot at life.

My dad passed away 5 years ago. However, my mother is furious at the thought. When I told her, she slapped me several times and threatened to cut me out of the will and inheritance (meh, growing up in that family made me realise money doesn’t guarantee happiness).

My brothers have said I’ll be dead to them if I take my half-brother in.
I’ll be honest, completely severing ties with my family will be hard, but my brother is in need. He’s the innocent person in all this. What happened between my dad and his mother, is not his fault at all. He was just born into this life; forced into this world without a say, just like everyone else. He deserves the best prospects possible.

I would do it in a heartbeat in the circumstances you describe.

My parents were violent and we were brought up by my father's parents. My siblings cut me out last year because I have been in contact with my mother's family who they feel abandoned us to our fate.

I thought long and hard and I realised that if they were going to cut me out for that then if I had passed up this chance they'd be threatening for something else and at some point we'd end up NC anyway and it'd be for something less important.

lala

I can completely empathize with your post. Especially the last paragraph.

I think you should do it. The rest of your family is horrible so you'd be better off without them anyway. As a minor child I'm sure that your fathers estate would have been required to provide for him so I'd get a solicitor to look into that.

Stability and being loved is the most important thing a child can have. It sounds like you're better off investing in him as your family than those who you grew up with.

How did you get weekend contact? Not that I don't believe you but it's very unusual for a child in foster care to get weekend sleepovers with a family member unless there's already plans to move them in with that family member eventually.

I'm a foster carer and the most my children get with a relative is 4 hours during the day, which is a long time as far as contact visits go.

user

I think that is an angle you need to think about. Can you see your family going NC with you over something eventually? If so could anything be anymore important?

Also, something to consider, if you are seen to give into them on this one exactly how much control will they feel they have?

Sounds like it's only a matter of time before you don't tow the line for your awful family in one way or another and you get cut out of their money so you might as well pre-empt it and do it for a wonderful reason.

I come from a family like yours. I'm older than you and they've all cut me off now for one pathetic reason or another, so you may find your family come up with another reason to do so in the future if they as toxic as mine. They sound it. I have a half brother too much younger than me. I bitterly regret that he could not come to live with me and my family when he was born. I was made guardian but his (awful) parents are still alive and today he is an angry, confused 13 year old You should definitely do it. Your family might come round but if they don't it's no loss from what you describe. Your little brother deserves every chance though.

OP, wills are public after Probate, so you could see your Father's will just in case he left the lad anything.

www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

Sounds as though you're ding a great thing for both of you. Good Luck, I hope it all works out

If I were you I would look after your half brother without a second thought. If your so called family had any decency there's no way they would behave the way they are. Your poor brother it's not his fault :( you sound like a very special person

I think your family would be doing you a favour by never speaking to you. Your half brother is the result of an affair, I get that. But he didn't ask to be born to this shit.

My dad has a lot of money (we are NC so this is a guess that he still has it). Money really isn't what life is all about as you say. I think both you and your brother deserve a shot at a happy life and if you becoming his guardian does that for you both then I think it's worth doing. Don't however take how stressful being a parent (guardian) can be so only do it if you're really sure you are up for all the bad along with all the good.
Your brother may find it hard to initially readjust to life with you so the first few weeks/months/year could be challenging

Do it. We have had my stepsisters child living with us since a baby - at first casually and later on a Private Fostering Arrangement. An adoption would make it all so much simpler (but DD1's mum won't agree). The care system is no doubt chock-full of people who want to do as best as they can, but there is no substitute for a long-term committed placement with someone that cares for this actual child.

Do it before SB starts secondary if possible, so he doesn't have to change school.

I'd do it in a heart beat OP.
Good luck.

Bless you.

I'd do it. You sound like a very kind person for wanting to do this.

Your mother is a hypocrite and sounds completely awful. The only difference between her affairs and your dad's is that there is physical proof of your dad's. Just because your mum didn't end up with a(nother) child from her affairs means it wasn't an equally awful thing to do. And frankly, her attempt at murdering your father lost her any moral ground and outrage she had over your dad's cheating.

Does your mother have a history of trying to control people through (her) money? Is this why your brothers are also behaving so disgustingly?

I would definitely do it, a stable home with a loving sister sounds like it will change his life

I'd do it in a flash, he's a child. They are supposedly adults

You sound like a wonderful and caring sister and if you have thought it all fully then I think you should set the ball rolling. DH and I have a friend who has taken on her relatives several children under a kinship fostering arrangement and the difference it has made to those children is incalculable but very, very clear to see - they are happy, safe and very much loved. Slightly different circumstances as both parents still alive but unable/unwilling to put their children's needs first due to substance issues. It was a long and hard process and she has also had opposition from her family for 'stealing' her relative's children but she perservered and says it is completely worth it for the children's sake.

Def do it

Did your dad see much of him when he was alive? He didn't make provisions for him in his will? Assume mum has no family

Sounds like your mum and brothers are bitter and not fair that a little boy lives in a foster home when could have a good life with family who loves him

He is a constant reminder of your df's indiscretions. However, this is your mum's issue not yours. You see a young lad in need of support and love and so you should.
Go for it.
Your family may give you a hard time but as the previous posters said, they are a dysfunctional lot so on balance, who is the winner?
Make a new start. My hat is doffed to you.

By threatening to cut you out of the will she's pretty much saying she'll pay you not to take him in.
I personally couldn't put money before the needs of a child. Don't be bought.
You sound like you've thought hard about this. Go for it. It's not the boys fault how he was conceived and that both his parents have died.
I think you'll both make a better family than your current situation.
Take him in and cut ties. You're a good person and I wish you all the best.

Take your brother in, be the sister he needs. Looked after children need stability, they need to know someone cares.

Fuck the rest of your "family"

I keep coming back to this thread OP - I'm actually rather in awe of you. My DSD is of a similar age to you and my DD's are just a little older than your DB. Go for it and you will be forging a life for yourself that goes beyond money and inheritance. Good luck

Have you asked your brother what he wants to do? Do you see him regularly or a few times a month for an hour. There's a big different between spending a few hours with someone and coping with the pre-teenage years. Have you considered the life changes this will cause you? If your in a relationship how will it effect this relationship or potential others. Do your work offer flexible hours (school holidays, being home at a 'reasonable time). Have you considered the cost element, could you support both of you on your current wage.
If he is enthusiastic about the idea maybe speak to the authorities and try and see if you can start him staying with you a few weekends a month and go from there. You may find (through no fault of either of yours) that the arrangement doesn't work. If it does work, slowly start to build the contact.
Providing it doesn't effect your brothers mental wellbeing go for it.
Your family sound awful :(.

I think you need to resolve issues with your family before you attempt to move forward with caring for your brother. NC, counselling etc so that you are in the best emotional shape to take on such a huge responsibility. You really don't want unresolved issues with your family getting in the way of your new potential family.