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AIBU?

I want the ground to open up.

38 replies

BlondeGinger · 23/06/2017 13:31

I have to share with something that's just happened. I'm so embarrassed. A woman that works in another team just came and sat next to me and we were talking about a piece of work and then she mentioned that my fan was on so I said something about being too hot and she goes "yeah, pregnancy does that to you"

I am not pregnant. I have been trying to get pregnant now for years. And it's around the anniversary of the only time I was pregnant, which ended in mc.

I wanted the ground to open up. I have a little bit of chub but nothing remotely close to looking pregnant!

I had no idea what to say. So I just sort of said "oh who's pregnant then?" She started stumbling all her words and said "oh I'm not pregnant" so I said "no I'm not either." And then she just sat there!!! And she didn't say anything and also didn't go back to her desk! So I got up and started pretending to file some papers until she left.

Am I overreacting in being completely mortified? I'm really pissed off that anyone would do something like that without knowing for a fact first.

OP posts:
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AlmostAJillSandwich · 23/06/2017 14:38

Situations like this is why i think it's rude to ever assume anyone is pregnant, unless they have told you themselves. No matter if its an obviously heavily pregnant woman, you just don't say anything.
You run the risk of humiliating women who aren't pregnant, or devastating those who have fertility issues or who have lost children. Even if a woman is pregnant you can't know if the baby is healthy or not, and not every pregnant woman is happy to talk about their pregnancy/baby like he or she is public property.

I'm so sorry you've been both offended by her assumptions and reminded of what must have been a painful tragic loss. Flowers my condolences.

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RubyRoseRing · 23/06/2017 14:39

Oh dear, similar has happened to me. I'll bet though she feels much much worse.

The first time was after my wedding. Sad My then closest friend showed my pics at her work, and apparently a colleague said 'So, when's your friend's baby due?' I've always felt a bit meh about what l was wearing that day. And the friend, l think, shouldn't have told me but she has done it before and since, repeating things others (including my own mother) have said about me. She should have had the sense to keep it to herself. AngryAnother was after I had ds3 and an elderly neighbour said 'l see you're doing it all again'. I just laughed and said 'No, l'm just a bit fat'. She looked mortified.

I think for you it might be harder as it seems you'd like to be pregnant, and have had struggles. I don't know what to say to help you feel better. Just wanted you to know there are others!

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Foxysoxy01 · 23/06/2017 14:42

God how mortifying but more for her than you!

I had the same sort of thing happen twice the first time I just said I'm not pregnant and she got really embarrassed (in was at a party so loads of people and my partner) the second was an old lady and she even felt my stomach as she said it. I was so embarrassed I just sort of umm'd and changed the subject.

It did make me feel crap, mainly because It seems I am infertile. (Ongoing tests)

I don't understand why people do it! But then I suppose they are just trying to be kind Hmm

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RubyRoseRing · 23/06/2017 14:45

My view is that part of the problem is the way society in general assumes it's okay to comment on people's looks and shape. I know not everyone does this but it's very common to hear that someone is either too fat or too thin. Folk need to butt out or keep their opinions to themselves.

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Monkeypuzzle32 · 23/06/2017 14:50

Poor you! It's heartbreaking when you are ttc too (I know from experience).
Some bloke once asked me was I pregnant when I was younger and a size 10-I've always had a pot belly but I was utterly devastated and cried my eyes out -some people just open their mouths too soon but as everyone else has said she is probably mortified.

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NotAPuffin · 23/06/2017 14:53

That happened to me once. I was at SIL's birthday party and another SIL had just been pregnant but had miscarried. A friend of birthday SIL's came up to me:

Friend: Hi, congratulations on your pregnancy!
Me: Oh, thanks but I'm not pregnant.
Friend: Oh but someone just told me you were?
Me: Maybe you're confusing with other SIL?
Friend: No, it was definitely you!
Me: I'm not, though.
Friend: But they said you were!
Me: I don't think anyone would have said I was pregnant.
Friend: No, seriously, it was definitely you.
Me (a little tired of it all!): No, I'm definitely not pregnant, I'm just fat.
Friend:

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SoreFeet1983 · 23/06/2017 15:01

This happened to me with a driving instructor several years ago, very much pre-children. On my third lesson she said to me "oh I didn't know you were pregnant, that's lovely!" And I was like, ummm, I'm not Blush. I think both of us wanted to die on the spot, tbh.

It sounds stupid now I'm older and largely unbothered by what people think, but I didn't rebook with her after that. I just couldn't face her. I never told anyone the reason why.

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BigDamnHero · 23/06/2017 15:02

I was on my way into a breastfeeding group with my newborn DS2. I'd previously gone to the same group with DS1. A HV who recognised me from before obviously didn't look in the buggy and assumed I was still bringing toddler DS1 and asked when I was due. I sort of indicated baby DS2 and told her I'd already had the baby. She was pretty mortified, I think.

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Eliza9917 · 23/06/2017 15:33

Mortifying! For her, not you. Why do some people assume, it's so risky! I hope you get your wish soon though OP smile
If it makes you laugh, my swallow-me-up moment was when I pooed on my bedroom floor aged 18 after drinking too much southern comfort. I remember my parents helping me to bed.. confused I woke up next to several piles. it was never commented on but we knew each other knew.. (still can't bear to touch the stuff) grin


It took me a moment to realise you meant Southern Comfort and not Poo.

I need to go home!

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comedycentral · 23/06/2017 16:09

I have had this, I was in a shop with my little one and the cashier asked him was he looking forward to meeting new baby bro or sister and she smiled sweetly at my tummy. I was Shock but didn't say anything, I blame my baggy maxi dress! My son was like huh???? (I did explain to him afterwards though)

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gabsdot · 23/06/2017 16:09

I never, ever comment on other people's pregnancies after once as a child I witnessed my mum asking a woman she'd just met what she was going to call her new baby.
The woman answered that she was not pregnant just very overweight after the other three.
Best just to not say anything.
Your colleague was an idiot and I'm sorry you're having difficulty conceiving. I've been there. It sucks.

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OnlyTheDepthVaries · 23/06/2017 16:15

At least she didn't think you were menopausal.....which most people seem to be assuming of me at the moment,

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Shadow666 · 24/06/2017 05:22

Was there a valid reason for her to come over? It's sounds to me that they were gossiping about you being pg and she came over on a fact finding mission. It was very rude of her and frankly none of her business if you are pregnant or not.

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