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AIBU?

Has my working best friend dumped me?

2 replies

littlebird7 · 23/06/2017 13:18

My closest friend has been a great friend over the decades, we have been mates since we were kids. Over the years we have had our babies (2 x dd each same age) together, shared all the good and bad times and are each other's godparents etc but the last few months have been awful and I have no idea why.

I went into hospital for serious surgery it started then, she only came to the hosp once for an hour and did not return - I was there for nearly two weeks and the hosp was five mins from her house. Following surgery I was too ill to host anything here for them, so she simply didn't come, despite promising my dc she would come, she didn't bother. She stopped texting, and I didn't hear from her from one month to the next, even though she knew what I was going through. It was one of the darkest times of my life and I feel a let down, a text takes two minutes. I found it really hard recovering with young dc.

We used to email each other every week with our updates (as she works full time) but she has stopped emailing altogether due to work pressure, I only get texts once a month telling me how busy she is, she never even asks how we are. I am offered a five minute snapshot of her latest developments and that is it. For me this friendship has become quite unfulfilling. I don't enjoy our time together anymore. She didn't even give the dc xmas presents this year, and they got them in April and she laughed because they were so bad (they were, but it is the thought) she missed both of my dc birthdays....I just feel she doesn't care anymore.

When we get together which is now once or twice a year (she lives an hour away) she spends almost the whole time telling me about her job, life and holidays and I go home realising she hasn't even bothered to ask me anything and doesn't seem to care either way....it is all about her busy life.

I also work so know life is full on, and I know how hard it is to make the time, should I just let the friendship go? Or continue as we are? Is it just impossible for her to be a good friend with her high flying career or am I just an inconvenience to her now?

OP posts:
Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 23/06/2017 14:00

It is probably nothing of the sort she is probably trying to squeeze so much into her life - kids (esp as they get older and she needs to help with school work etc), working full time - DH, local friends that she simply cannot devote as much time to you as you would like.

I sometimes feel like this with my friend who I have known for nearly 40 years. we only see each other a few times a year doe to distance we text quite a bit though and its like we have never been apart when we get together. Good friends are friends even when they don't live in each others pockets.

Maybe sit and have a chat how you feel - it could be that she is collapsing under all the pressure and actually needs some support herself. When people are struggling sometimes they are so on the edge they cannot cope with taking on anyone else's troubles and supporting you through your surgery was just too much.

to me she sounds like she is so under pressure she has had to develop tunnel vision to survive - hearing how you feel would prob mortify her

littlebird7 · 23/06/2017 14:19

Yes you are almost certainly right, and instinctively I haven't spoken to her about this for fear of hurting her or making her feel inadequate, which is the last thing I would want her to feel.

I have offered to help with her dc but she seems to be in control of it all, but maybe she is not underneath. It does look like a house of cards, but she always tells me she likes being last minute.com and living in the fast lane. I assumed she was happy with it, she added on extra days to her working week.

Maybe it is pride that she wants to be seen to be doing it all and coping well, our other friends call her superwoman so that prob doesn't help at all if that is the last thing she feels. She doesn't share her challenges and problems very often, only talk about the good things, so I don't hear of both sides of her life.

Thanks for your post - I will make the time to call her at the weekend

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