To seriously consider giving up work

[Escapism2017]

I'm late 30s, Director, had a good career over the past 15 years, now hit the glass ceiling. Career sounds great but my firm is run by men in 40s/50s who make all decisions. I'm middle management.

Had DS 10 months ago. He loves going to nursery and I have flexible-ish working so I spend enough time with DS during the working week.

I have a team of juniors working for me who I want to get rid of - they're lazy, arrogant, "entitled" and dealing with them is the toughest part of my job. I can't get rid of them however as the senior bosses say it will look bad. They're focused on staff retention - regardless of bad behaviour. I am so disempowered because at the end of the day I want them gone but that decision is made above me - despite the fact they are my team. My industry is full of firms run by men of a certain age so it's not like it will be different elsewhere.

Yes I think I could break through the glass ceiling if I worked like a dog and gave my everything but I'm not willing to give up seeing my DS during the week to accomplish this.

The stress of the job, the lack of power and control over what I do, slim chances of being a decision-maker, coupled with the fact DH could support me is making me think I would be better off at home. I'm passionate about what I do but I don't want to "give" to work anymore.

Does anyone have any thoughts please?

Career break? Lower paid job in the same or similar industry? How would you cope financially if your partner (assuming you have one and aren't independently wealthy) fucked off with Sandra from the tennis club in 3 years time? How would you cope with the shift in identity, what would you do for mental stimulation - wind the bobbin up gets a bit dull the millionth time.

Is it a glass ceiling if you acknowledge you could get further in your career by putting more time and effort in? Sounds like an choice/excuse, not a glass ceiling.

Career break for a year then reassess.

Not board director, but manager with director title? A director isn't middle management.

You want to get rid of a whole team? I think you might want to assess your management abilities.

Ouch, some of these replies are a bit harsh! How easy would it be to take a sabbatical and then try and re-enter the workforce? You might find you need to change industries.

look for a different job?

Can you start your own company? Or become a consultant?

I think it sounds like you need a change of scenery. You say other companies will be the same but you won't know unless you try.

What bizzy said. I would think very carefully about giving up a good career. Maybe the politics of this particular firm doesn't suit but you don't have to give up on a whole industry. I know DS is young and you are probably tired and may decide on more children, who knows?

I have a very menial job but a good education. It has had a huge impact on my self esteem, my marriage and, to a point, my relationship with my children.

It sounds like you are frustrated with the lack of autonomy, would it be possible to start out on your own in a similar field and build the team you want?

So those above you aren't up to much and

"I have a team of juniors working for me who I want to get rid of - they're lazy, arrogant, "entitled" and dealing with them is the toughest part of my job"

An entire team is the problem? Not the person leading it? I'd be looking closer to home. I'm not surprised directors are baulking at sacking an entire team.

Sometimes it can be recruitment. Where I work, we've had a bad bunch of employees and it's very difficult to sack people. I am frequently amazed at some of the blatant laziness and incompetence that seems to be tolerated in the workplace.

It depends what makes you happy. I have a good degree from a top university and used to love my job although it was tough, and wanted to climb the ladder. These days I work part time in a job for which I am very over-qualified and which has no progression, little responsibility and less pay. I have no desire to go back.

In the nicest possible way - do you think you might be making excuses to justify becoming a SAHM to yourself? If that's what you want to do, then do it. You can always reassess later.

If you want to be a sahm and your dh is happy too then do it
You dont need to justify yourself to anyone

Maybe seek a sideways move with non managerial responsibility. There will always be tossers at work but you don't have to do a job where you're responsible for them.

Agree with pp - you plainly want permission to quit work and SAH.

The juniors you so despise - are any of them women? Have you thought about how you are as a role model? If they see you go they might wrongly conclude that the glass ceiling is thicker than it is.

The way you're talking on here about sacking an entire team for being lazy and arrogant, makes me think that employees who'd have to report to you further up the greasy pole are lucky they wouldn't have you as a boss. Dangerous attitude.

Do you have regular team meetings to get to the bottom of why the team dynamic is poor? That's all part of good leadership...

It's a tough decision when you have spent so much of your life working and building your career. Being a stay at home mum is such a huge shift of identity and if you make this decision now will you regret it but find it impossible to find work with the flexibility you have now?

It's so wrong but most working mothers I know are sidelined, lose their level of responsibility or never get promoted again after having kids. (Not all obviously). I put my name forward for a job recently as so bored in mine and was told that whilst I was being discussed they decided the job wasn't right for me cos I have young children! Obviously I wasn't told that officially!

Work used to be a huge part of my life and I loved it but since having kids I just don't get the 'fun' jobs anymore! However, if I could afford it financially I would re-train or set myself up with a small business. Sounds like financially these could be options for you?

Why not just take a break? You're obviously not happy at your current job but please think carefully about throwing away your career. Because that is what you'll be doing. Don't use the glass ceiling as an excuse. You're the one who wants to spend more time with ds and doesn't want to work any harder. That's absolutely fine, but it's your choice. Make that choice if you want but don't blame others - own your choice of not wanting to work there and wanting more time at home.

I took a year out when my daughter was 3/4, best decision I ever made and went back to work not long after my dd started school.

I needed a break, I had worked full time since my dd was 3 months old. I was lucky in that it coincided with us relocating and that it was financially viable.

After that period off, I felt like a much better mother but I also realised I could not be a sahm. I was refreshed and I felt like I was coping in the workplace again (I struggled to adapt after the birth of my dd).

If your job is nothing more than an irritation and a "drain" in your life and your DH is happy for you to be at home, then do it. You only live once and will never get these years back. Not everyone can psychologically cope with being a SAHM, but where and how you find fulfilment in life is a personal thing. You have so much to give in so many ways.
I gave up a well paid job on having DC. DH was 100% supportive and I can honestly say I've never regretted it.

Should have clarified, the team is 2 people, not an entire team with lots of juniors.

That puts a different spin on it, OP.

Better to regret something you've done than something you haven't done! Make the change.