To be scared HV thinks I'm neglecting my daughter.

[RoryPowers]

I'll try and keep this brief.
DD is our first baby. When she was born she dropped weight (I know this is normal). I persevered with breastfeeding (I thought this was for the best) I didn't have her weighed but she felt heavier to me.
When the HV came and weighed her she had fallen from the 8th to the 2nd quartile. I felt completely awful like I had been starving her purposely as I had been so intent on breast feeding rather than changing to formula.
She is getting weighed again this morning. I am petrified she hasn't gained again. Whenever I take her to baby groups or on the street people tell me how tiny she is and are shocked by her age.
I love her so much and she is well looked after. She always looks lovely and we are lucky that we can afford to buy her lovely things so on the surface everything looks fine. I'm so scared the HV thinks that this is all a front and that I just think of the baby as a dolly :-(. Any advice or experience or even a handhold will be gratefully received. Thank you.

If you have switched her from breast to formula then chances are she will have gained.

There are other things to look for as well other than the weight number hv will see if she seems content look for dehydration signs of hunger ask about nappies etc.
You can take baby to be weighed weekly if you are worried I did for a while with my fourth as he was slow to gain at first.

Don't beat yourself up about not getting her weighed, my ds was prem and I didn't weigh once we'd been discharged. I don't want to take him to the baby clinic full of snotty ,germy kids

I'm sure all will be ok

**didn't

If you try to focus on the well being of your baby rather than get worried about HV concerns about you, you will be less anxious - if the weight has dropped ask the HV if they know why, explain your routine, ask if they think your baby should be assessed, etc. Double check the amount of formula you are giving is the right amount for her age (I only breastfed so never got clued up about that).

With my first baby there were feeding issues. It turned out there were mild gross motor issues. They were all resolved in the end. It is a scary time but if you concentrate on what additional things your baby may or may not need rather than what people think of you then it will help.

My DS is a preemie baby. He was born at 31 weeks and is currently 7 weeks old weighing just 4lbs4oz. I declined getting him weighed when the HV visited this week as he had been weighed the previous week at hospital and I didn't want to get caught up with the scales and numbers. He's exclusively bf, is content and has wet and dirty nappies so my HV was supportive of my decision.

Your HV won't think you are neglecting your child, BF babies tend to gain weight more slowly than formula fed babies and she will help identify any issues and work out a plan for you. I know some HV get a bad reputation but my experience of them has always been that they want to support you not vilify you.

Big hugs though, I know it's worrying x

I had a really little baby, (5lb15oz at birth so little but not tiny) she was very slow to grow and they monitored her a lot, she did not thrive with my attempt at BF and she had to have extra calories when she was weaned, she kept falling off the 2nd centile, they just monitored her. I got a lot of comments too. I remember when she was 1yo she was an early talker but still wearing 6m old baby clothes so it looked 'odd' and when she started walking people would stop me all the time! I remember she wasn't 20lbs for the forward facing car seat until she was about 18 months old

She's 15 now and 5ft tall and a size 8.

Just do what they advise you and don't panic

Don't worry! My baby (now 4 months) lost a lot of weight in the first week and ended up in hospital. Nobody doubted we were doing our best, everybody was helpful and he is now fine. Weighing and centiles are a tool for checking everything's OK with YOUR BABY not with how you're looking after her. It's really rough - it's so hard to know what it's best to do and it's so easy to think you're doing things wrong. But the HV is there to help and if she's making you feel worse that's her fault not yours. The first three months are the worst so you're nearly there!

You don't need the fomula, you can take fenugreek to increase milk supply and just feed more

My eldest was on the 50th at birth (due to my gestational diabetes) and dropped to thr 9th at 10 weeks...

And do you know what? I didn't go to formula, I didn't supplement (she wouldn't take a bottle anyway) and at 5 years old she is STILL on the 9th centile as it is where she should always have been...

I think all new mums worry about their babies. I used to fret about getting my dd weighed. She was always fine though. You're doing a great job. xx

Don't worry!

Some HVs are great. Others, unfortunately, are not so good. Same as with any job.

Our HV is probably a perfectly nice woman, but she has a bee in her bonnet about formula and about weight - she was pushing us to formula feed when everyone else said some breastfeeding would be fine, and she put the fear of God in us about weight loss, much more than I think she needed to.

I don't think it was malicious, just a bit useless.

If your HV is making you feel nervous and on edge, try to get reassurance elsewhere. If you can make it to get the baby weighed (I know it can be really difficult, especially if you're not driving yet), that'll help.

DD took bloody ages to stop losing weight and you do go a bit paranoid. I think it's normal. We were crying wrecks thinking she'd have to go back into hospital! She's fine now. I am sure yours will be too!

Oh, and DD was born 8lbs 10. I forget which centile that's on, but fairly high. She dropped to the 25th centile and then to around the 11th. It's really ok. Worth watching and keeping monitored for a bit, but ok.

Oh and yes I'd try to go back to ebf if you can. Weight often drops initially but goes back up. My dd dropped lots to start with but is now doing reallly well.

but id find it unisual, esp for a first parent not have gine for for the first few weeks at least. Esp if they are tiny

My ds is almost 11 months and I've never taken him to be weighed. He was weighed by the mw then hv as a newborn but I've never taken him anywhere. I suppose I've not had concerns but I don't think it's that unusual not to weigh your baby.

Op your hv will not think you're neglecting your baby. Are you feeling anxious about anything else or motherhood in general? It can be tough with a newborn. Your HV is there for you too so if you're not feeling right then have a chat with her.

If baby is not latching properly or falling asleep during feed she will not be getting enough.
Main thing is baby and HV will only be concerned to support you both.
You need to be honest with HV and yourself how well the baby is feeding. This is really important. If baby is not growing as she should be there are other alternatives including a bottle formula.
Some women get worried they are bad mothers because the breast feed is not working out. This is not the case.
Please be honest with the HV.

Breast-fed babies tend to gain weight more slowly than FF ones. Bear in mind that the centile charts don't allow for this, so can make it look as if BF babies are 'abnormal' when they are not.

Am not having a go at FF but - to reassure you - I"m a GP and we increasingly think that it is better to gain weight slowly and that rapid weight gain can increase the chances of obesity and diabetes later in life.

Please have a chat to your GP if you are worried at all

There is a growing preference by HVs for babies to weighed on hospital discharge rather than immediately after birth.

Pregnancy and labour can have a huge affect on a baby's birth weight for example as a pp mentioned gestational diabetes or if the mother was on a fluid drip during labour then the baby will be puffed up on the IV fluid too.
And even if none of the above apply, well as soon as baby has passed it's firsts poo then it's weight will have dropped.

A lot of that isn't taken into account later on when weight gain or lack there of is assessed.

OP honestly don't worry, as long as she is gaining weight then slow and steady wins the race, keep in mind those charts don't reflect on how an ebf baby feeds and grows, they're averages and more matched to bottle fed baby. If you want to go back to ebf, you can.

Just adding my voice to not worry

She has not lost weight, she has dropped ONE centile which is nothing to worry about.

You are under no obligation to have your baby weighed either - IME weighing has caused me a lot of unnecessary anxiety tbh.

If your baby is thriving, filling in a bit, bright eyed and bushy-tailed , you are getting wet and dirty nappies from her, then you are doing something right.
By all means let your HV help you with optimising your BFing (although not all HVs are very good at that - a dedicated BFing advisor may be better for that) but don't let a slow weight gain put you off.

There is increasing evidence that slim babies and toddlers have better longterm health outcome, so provided your DD is otherwise well and developing normally what you are describing on its own is nothing to worry about.

And NO, the HV will not think you are neglecting her!

shiny, afaik current WHO growth charts DO take BFing in to account.

I always say this on threads like this but, Have you had her checked for tongue tie?

DS was posterior tongue tied, he went from 75th centile to 9th centile from 6 weeks to 12 weeks and then plateaued. It took agestational and d a lot of stress before we were sent to the breastfeeding group at 18 weeks who had an infant feeding specialist, she diagnosed tongue tie immediately and he had it divided and is now back up on the 75th centile.

But please don't worry, some babies and slow to gain weight. Your HV is there to be a support, not pull you down. Well done for persevering with BF, I did, and im so glad I did. You are doing are fantastic job. 🌷🌹🌷🌹

I had some issues with bf dd at first, she had jaundice and was too sleepy to latch properly at first, so I hand expressed and syringe fed her for two weeks, we had to go into hospital to test her levels of jaundice as my HV said she thought it was quite severe. In my case however they were failing to take into account that my dd is mixed race, and they were looking at her colouring as if she was a white baby, the hospital confirmed that she had very minor levels of jaundice and to just keep bf as she had lost just over 10% of birthweight and as the jaundice cleared she should start gaining again. As she got older she started to rocket up in weight, she was an extremely rotund baby with lots of lovely chubby rolls, was in 6-9 month clothes at 4 months despite being on 25th centile at birth, she has slimmed down again since we started weaning but she has also shot up in height so I take that into account.

I never took her to get weighed after the HV visits stopped, I suffer from anxiety and allowing myself to track her weight like that would be detrimental for my mental wellbeing. As long as they seem happy, plenty of wet and dirty nappies you are doing a good job.

The charts are tailored to ff babies anyway and so the growth of bf babies looks as if it isn't going well, when in fact everything is most likely absolutely fine.

I was scared of the HV too. I think they are scary as you feel they have the power to take your child away, so it is an uneasy relationship and one not of equals.

However you are a very caring parent and they are there to support you. I should think they are very happy with your commitment to breast feed. I did one formula feed at 10pm feed in the end and noticed a big improvement in sleeping and weight gain. Don't worry it will be fine. Keep going with bf and check the baby's weight more often so you know where you are.

Please be honest with the HV.

Am I missing something?

I don't see how there's a suggestion the OP has been dishonest.

shiny, afaik current WHO growth charts DO take BFing in to account

They have updated them to include breast-feeding - the ones we used until about 8y ago were created when breast-feeding rates were very low (the 70s, I think). However HVs are still using charts that lump BF and FF babies together - at least they are where I work. That skews the averages and the "normal' pattern of weight gain.

My BF baby gained weight far, far quicker than my two FF ones, so it doesn't always correlate that BF gain slowly.

If you are concerned about her overall calorie intake OP perhaps introduce some dream feeds to top her up.

shiny, yes, I take your point