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AIBU?

AIBU to be pissed of at dh?

10 replies

ChipmunksInAttic · 22/06/2017 23:59

I had an argue with DH yesterday. I came home from work at 7, went upstairs to the bedroom to change my clothes and he was lying on the bed, my 4 year old was also around. I took my tshirt off and wore another one and he started a fight over this because he thought i was changing so close to the window. I asked what he is talking about, he was quite cross and he started to talk to me like I was a child he has to discipline. my son became quite upset with his tone, he sensed DH was telling me off and tried to protect me. This made us stop arguing and we tried to convince him we were joking, but I felt terrible about it.

I was still so angry at my DH today because of this and we are not on good terms since yesterday, but now we had something else to argue on top of this. One of my friends invited us to barbecue at their house this saturday. they also have same age kids and that will be a kind of play date for the kids as well. I texted my DH in the morning and there was no reply. we didn't have any other plans, and I really want to be with friends after this exhausting week, so I said to my friend that I'd love to come, and i said I didn't check with my DH if he has any other plans though.

when i came home from work today, we sat for dinner and he said he doesn't want to go. he asked me to find an excuse and not go. i said i actually wanted to go, and he can make some other plans if he wishes, that wouldn't be a problem for my friends. is there anything strange with this suggestion? he said then i can go but can't take my son with me, he wants to spend this saturday all day with his son.

this made me really angry because that is the same thing saying you cannot go and it is intentional. i left the table in anger and he followed, we had another round of fight. i don't really needed permission, i made a plan and asking if he'd like to join. we cannot spend every weekend only three of us, can we? I never ask him to change his plans if he makes any. he goes out at nights when he needs a break. he goes on holiday with his friends if he wishes to, i never interfere. and he used to not interfere until now, i can't understand what happened. he sees all this thing as i dont recognise his authority i guess. but the thing is we don't really need someone to be the authority! he can't tell me what to do or where to go or where to not go, he can only share his opinion and if he was nice enough i would have agreed what he wanted. i hate that we argued when the kid is around and he put me in this weird position that i feel like a maid. We are in a different country far from our families, we both work hard to make a living and both tired, but i am really exhausted coming home everyday after 1,5 hours commuting, and then cooking and cleaning and everything else while he's only resting after the long day. i don't really deserve to be treated like this, like a junior, not an equal. please comment, aibu?

OP posts:
Tazerface · 23/06/2017 00:01

He sounds like a cunt. He doesn't see you as an equal at all.

PickAChew · 23/06/2017 00:03

I'm suspecting that this arseholery isn't a one off?

Allthebestnamesareused · 23/06/2017 00:03

He is being unreasonable.

Tell him: I have made arrangements that we as a family are going to a BBQ. I respect you do not wish to go - that is your choice. You do not have to. If you want to be with DS he will be at the BBQ with me as arranged.

However, I hope you change your mind an that you will come as I think we will all have a lovely time together as a family.

ChipmunksInAttic · 23/06/2017 00:13

this is the first time we argued when my son is around. normally we don't really argue much actually...

he was always a little picky about what i wear, though i didn't really care about it because he was just talking and i always followed my own opinion whatever he says.. he becomes grumpy for an hour or so and then forgets.. but this time we argued so bad and i feel so uneasy...

OP posts:
Foniks · 23/06/2017 00:34

He sounds controlling and lazy. I think he doesn't see you as equal at all. Maybe you can suggest he starts helping around the house? It isn't fair that you both work and then he rests while you carry on working at home.
As for your clothes...tell him he knew what you dressed like when you met, if he hated it so much he wouldn't have dated or married you so he needs to stop making any comments. He's not your parents and you're not 5 years old, he doesn't get to choose what you wear and then sulk because you didn't change.

Chloe84 · 23/06/2017 01:40

He sounds awful, OP. You work full time and do all the cooking and housework while his lordship sits on his arse? Why are you putting up with this?

And he's controlling and selfish as well. I couldn't be with such a man.

Please put foot your down and take DS with you on Saturday. I would also be making some ultimatums about how you want the marriage/family life to change.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 23/06/2017 02:08

He sounds revolting. Sit him down calmly when kids are in bed and set out some ground rules. Tell him straight up that you want to clear the air because it's important to you that this relationship works. Tell him he makes you feel like shit when he talks down to you. Tell him a play date is in your son's best interest. Tell him you will no longer be doing all the housework. Tell him if he's not going to be a good dad by supporting his family with physical help and good will then it's not going to work out. Ask him if he has and grievances you can work on together. No walking off, no silent treatment, no raised voices.

If he won't work with you then conclude that he is indeed a cunt and LTB.

tonightonight · 23/06/2017 12:18

I don't agree with the majority of what he did, but I can see his point about Saturday. If he wanted to spend the day with his son at home and then you made plans which involved taking his son, I can see why he would be annoyed. Because you've basically said he can see his son, but only if he comes to your friends house, which he doesn't want to do.
I don't think it's fair to assume that your son will always go where you will. Is he the father? If so he has equal say in your son's life (and whereabouts)
Now all that aside, he does sound like a prick. He has absolutely no right to say anything about why you wear it where you get dressed. If you want to do the twist, naked in the porch, crack on!
Also he sounds like a grumpy arse, if you had no other plans, why not spend some time with friends? You would all enjoy the BBQ so why not?

blackteasplease · 23/06/2017 12:45

He sounds horrible.

I hope you do go to the BBQ and take your son with you.

pipsqueak25 · 23/06/2017 12:54

is there more to this than you tell us ? just wondering if this is a regular thing, are his mates putting ideas into his head on his nights out, 'my --- does as she's told'and such shite.
knob bil pretty much tells sil if she can fart,but she won't hear anything said about him because he knows everything already, their son is the same

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