In thinking I can lose 10 pounds by Saturday?!

[barnflakes]

I've just been invited to a party on Saturday which is being covered by US Vogue. In the extreme unlikelyhood of me actually being in the background in a picture and because every single other person will be a foot taller, beautiful and skinny and it'll be my first proper night out since having ds 3 years ago and I'm a wobbly mess, is there any way you can quickly shed some flab, and any other instant tricks to look less shit?

Also chill, you're you, not them and there's nothing you can change or should change now.

Lots of gin and slimline tonic. That will do the trick.

You might not be thinner but you will care less.

Alternatively there is always the fet bomb diet.

Tomorrow night go out and take as much amphetamine as you can. At least 4 big fat bombs of the stuff. Dance for 7 hours. Drink only water. Chew only gum. You won't sleep. Or eat. And will be at least 7lbs lighter when you come home.

Your come down will hit about 2pm on saturday so start on the gin again then. You will also be exhausted so save a bit of a bomb as a wakener uper. You will cry.

But will go out feeling like Vanessa Feltz in her big days and by 2.30pm Saturday will feel like kate moss.

Disclaimer: I havent done anything stronger than panadol for 10 years so drugs have probably moved on so I take no responsibility if your head actually explodew or something. But technically head weigh quite a lot so every cloud and all that .

Safe, achievable weight loss is between 1 and 2 pounds a week. You cannot lose a stone or nearly a stone every week.

I think they may have been joking.

10 pounds down the back of the sofa might be easier...

Google egg fast.

If you can afford to, ASOS do free next day delivery if you order before 10pm (so you've got 45 mins!) and spend over £100. So, you choose a couple of dresses (or whatever), make sure your basket comes to over 100 and just use their excellent free return service for the unwanted stuff.

I often do this if I have a sartorial emergency. It's great.

You can lose a couple of pounds.

But SPANX, they work wonders.

Thanks squoosh, glad someone noticed

Not a chance of losing 10 pounds in less than 48 hours.

Not. A. Chance.

Or you could decide not to pander to a magazine that destroys people's self esteem??

Frouby That has had me in stitches 😂😂😂

I'd suggest having a slice of cake and a glass of vouvray whilst ordering from Asos. Work on your tits and teeth and don't give a fuck stance. Book hair, tan and make up or one of above if you can face it. You won't lose weight so gain fabulous.

I'm not in the UK so ASOS takes two days.

Frouby- that kind of thing was how I managed to be a twig through my twenties and half of my 30s. I wish I'd had a fit bit the nights I'd gone raving.

Dh just told me the bit were invited to doesn't start until 11 give or take so everyone will be smashed by then anyway.

Not quite so keen on going now, normally alseep by 9.30 and will have to be up at 5.30ish for bouncy loud ds!

Gain fabulous. I love that.

What's REALLY annoying is that dh has lost almost 20 pounds in one week. Fucker. It'll take me 6 months to lose that.

Well that must have been some dump! That's men for you....

Shame you didn't have a bit more notice or you could have done a "Nosh" detox (or similar). DH is taking the kids camping this weekend so I will be doing a 3 day one. They will deliver the veg/fruit/ whatever juices to me tomorrow night. 6 bottles of various things per day for 3 days and you lose at least 5 lbs. it's kick-starts your system. Then just eat protein and salad for a week and no doubt lose the rest.

Or if your quick you could go and get ProMax non-surgical Lipo tomorrow. (Harley Medical Group). It shrinks the fat cells with ultrasound and then you drink loads of water and urinate it out and lose inches.

Good luck!

There's no way he has lost 20lbs in a week unless he's had something amputated! Your scales are broken or he's extremely dehydrated.

Oh sorry hadn't realised you were outside U.K.

My DH always loses weight 3 times faster than me. ALWAYS.

He is always a bit smug about it too.

Always gains it 3 times faster though.

I lost 2 stone in 8 months in 2013. He lost 3 stone in 4 months in early 2014.

By the Springtime of 2016 he had put every pound back on. I have gained half a stone of my 2 stone that I lost in 2013, and am still one and a half stone lighter than I was then.

@alpacasandwich

I thought that too. I find it hard to believe that anyone could lose 20 pounds in a week.

Hi!

The most important advice I'd say is OWN IT. I always ask nervous brides etc, what would Madonna do?? She would walk in the party, head held high, have fun and she would be remembered for being fun and not for her body type.

I saw a woman on the beach yesterday, tiny gold bikini far too small for her, cellulite and stretchmarks on show and she did not care. Why should she?
She was strutting round, having a blast, and she looked amazing. Amazing.

Juice detox, magic pants from M&S, spray tan, high heels and a good blow dry!

I need to get my 'I don't give a fuck' look down.

I haven't checked dh's weight loss, 20 does seem a bit high. Demanding a weigh in seems a little wrong though.

Maybe I should go in a tiny gold bikini.