To think "no I won't pay for your car"

[CheeseOverload]

Me and dp have been together for 4 years, we have 1 dd, when we first got together I was working, after I had dd I stopped an have been a sahm up until a month ago, whilst I was at home I was never given money for any of the bills I had in my name but in the past he used (credit card, catalogues) so I've ended up owing money but finally now able to pay it back.

Out of those years he took me once shopping for a few bits of clothes, I ended up wearing the same clothes. It was really shit, constantly having to remind him to pay the rent etc.

Anyway since I have been working he's asked me to buy him a PlayStation, new trainers, saying he's going to buy a van because it would be cheaper on fuel but knowingly chose a car that rinses petrol. His car is playing up and I just know he's going to ask me for money for it.

When really I'm just thinking all those times I lived in the same shit and worrying about debt letters coming through I want to clear them all and treat myself and daughter not start spending all my money on stuff for him!

Am I being selfish? As we do live together but since I've started working it's like let's get this let's get that, I'm not earning 100's a week either.

Urgh, this relationship is dead in the water.

"Fair" is equal spends after all bills, food, DDs needs etc are all paid for.

He is always going to be financially abusive towards you and ensure that you have nothing left of your money whilst he spends his on himself.

Do NOT open a joint bank account. He will bleed you dry and you know it. He is an arse. Get rid.

Leave him. The more you write the more I wonder why you're still with the fool.

Seriously £800 a week and he wants you to buy all his treats? He needs to do one. It's sounds like perhaps he has a lot of debt that you don't know anything about and he is paying large monthly payments, could that be the case and is that why he needs you to pay for his car? He does sound very irresponsible with money - being mean with money is one thing I couldn't live with personally.

You've changed because you've realised you don't need to put up with this shit anymore.

He's abusive OP. LTB.

I will echo what many PP have posted - he earns £800 a week and parted with no money to cover your while you were a SAHM and he wants you to buy him treats?? What the actual hell??

No, no and thrice no!

You aren't married so at least you are not responsible for his debts. Don't allow him to rack up more in your name and make sure he pays fairly towards the household expenses. And fairly doesn't mean half when he gets £800 and you get £400.

Although I think you are already realising that his attitude and your independence now means game over. It's now just a question of when, I hope?
You could try one last chance spelling out how it needs to be for the relationship to continue, if you want to - but I don't hold out much hope. How can anyone who is supposed to love and respect you see you go without when you are supposed to be partnership and you are caring for his child? I presume he was in agreement that you didn't go back to work after the baby?

I'd start saving up to leave him, tbh. Please don't have another child with this man, who has clearly happily deprived the existing one and you, the child's mother, of his income to pay for basics!

You've posted because I think you already know he's using you and is behaving very badly.

I also think you know this relationship is unbalanced and unhealthy and that you should walk away.

So your either looking for reasons to stay - which you are not going to get, because there aren't any - or support in bolstering you resolve to leave.

YANBU.

The money should go into one main bank account used to pay for household expenses (including insurance and pension contributions)and for things for your child including days out as a family, and you should each get the same amount of money transferred to your own personal accounts so you can save or fritter it as you see fit.

You are either a family who support each other, or you are not.

This is what DH and I did when we were both working, and we continue the pretty much the same since I have become a SAHM.

Ah, I get it.

He's a "my money is mine and your money is ours mine too" type of bastard.

No, don't buy him a PlayStation, or a car.

You're not married (thank fuck), and you say rent so I hope you both rent rather than him own a house in his sole name that you live in? This is good.

I'd save as much of your earnings as you can towards a deposit, and Leave The Bastard.

Actual, I think what he's doing here is trying to spend "your" money so you are still reliant on him, too poor to buy clothes, and trapped. That's what the comments about how you've "changed" since you've been earning money are about.

Take out what you've added to the savings account (leave what he's added, not worth it) and change the locks

Leave him. If you don't he'll bleed you dry and move on to the next victim

What an utter cuntweasel

Please, do yourself the biggest favour you'll ever do and get rid of this leech

He earns over £40k after tax... Are you sure!?

What is your DD getting from a Dad that lets her go without, so he can have a Playstation?? You're being taken for a ride, and allowing it to happen. Your DD and you both deserve better, don't let this be her story.

Don't get a joint bank account. Keep all your savings in your own name. And use them to LTB

Actual, I think what he's doing here is trying to spend "your" money so you are still reliant on him, too poor to buy clothes, and trapped. That's what the comments about how you've "changed" since you've been earning money are about.

I think you've hit the nail on the head.

It's only a matter of time before you'll lose all respect for him.
I'd leave.

He's a cocklodger. Get rid of him.

Ltb.