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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is an okay marriage worth bad sex?

20 replies

Mammyone0one · 21/06/2017 20:01

Basically what the title say s!?! When u have kids and a house and ur marriage is "fine" as such should that just be enough?? Would it be enough for u to leave the marriage? The problem is also not something u can teach more about size ( barely feel it and never have ) had two c-sections so not much has changed down there😊 should I just make do with what I've got and be happy. Fine with being told I should if that's what ya think??

OP posts:

HildaOg · 21/06/2017 20:03

It's an individual thing but you married and had children with him knowing his size so it's unfair to hold it against him now!!!!! How about introducing dildos with him?

PeaFaceMcgee · 21/06/2017 20:05

It totally depends on how important the sort of sex you seek is to you - does he know how to / meet your needs in other ways? Do you him?

A 'fine' and stable marriage with mutual respect, affection and companionship is very valuable, especially with children.

Bunbunbunny · 21/06/2017 20:15

Have a look at love honey and get a bit more adventurous

If you hadn't tried anything to spice it up then that's really unfair. A bigger willy doesn't mean better sex

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 21/06/2017 20:16

For me, yes, but PIV sex isn't an important thing for me.

Groupie123 · 21/06/2017 20:25

How 'small' is he? Also, c-sections don't always mean you have a tight pelvic floor or that you ever did. Some women have weak pelvic floors due to inactive lifestyles well before childbirth.

PaintingByNumbers · 21/06/2017 20:28

seems odd to suddenly have an issue with something thats always been the case. why the change, op?

FloatyCat · 21/06/2017 20:31

Presumably you weren't bothered when you married him? What has changed?

Original poster

Mammyone0one · 21/06/2017 21:05

I don't know what has changed.... I suppose its always been a thing but lately I am just not enjoying sex. I have 100% hinted I would be up for a bit of "rough play" noting extreme but soft spanking and ect... He used to drink and would be a lot more up for them things but due to him having a problem with alcohol he has stopped drinking but since then (a year and a bit) the sex has been very dull and I honestly fake orgazms all the time and always just want him to hurry up!! He has done noting wrong...I do wish I didn't feel this way😟

OP posts:

Original poster

Mammyone0one · 21/06/2017 21:09

He has also lost alot of weight due to a more healthy lifestyle he has gone from lean to really quite thin. Although I'm an average weight I feel a bit like a whale during sex!! Can be off putting when I catch a glimpse in certain angles and I feel a bit like I'll break him.

OP posts:

Mesmerised · 21/06/2017 21:20

This sounds very difficult OP. Did you used to feel him at any point in the past? I don't suppose it's the kind of subject you can broach with him.
Maybe get him a gym membership or go together. When you feel like you're taking action about your physical states it might help? Not that you need to necessarily, but it can't do any harm. It's quite easy for men to bulk up a bit usually.
Are you sure your pelvic floor hasn't changed? There are those Kegel machines that could maybe help a bit?

TheDiamondMumcrafter · 21/06/2017 21:30

I'm wondering if how you see yourself is putting you off sex?

PeaFaceMcgee · 21/06/2017 23:37

If you're not happy with your weight you can do something about it...

If you're not having your needs met during sex then you need to talk about it - nobody should need to fake orgasm.

I think some work on yourself and better communication would be preferable to divorcing the poor bloke!

But if you don't love him and are beyond caring then that's that I suppose.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 21/06/2017 23:43

Honestly. No. I don't think this is worth splitting a family up over. Especially not until you have tried to fix it.

PaintingByNumbers · 22/06/2017 09:06

the sex being dull and faking orgasms are things you are contributing to. his size isnt relevant unless you can only come thro.piv sex, but it seems a bit late to suddenly find that a problem?

peachgreen · 22/06/2017 09:36

Not sure how he's supposed to know sex isn't working for you if you're faking orgasms. And you can't blame him for the way you feel about your own body during sex. It sounds like he's taken control of his health and his drinking, and rather than being pleased and proud of him, you resent him for it. Poor show.

I'm very sex-positive and think sex is very important in a relationship but it would be staggeringly unfair to leave your husband based on a) the size of his penis (which hasn't changed), b) the fact that you find sex boring but haven't given him any indication of this as you fake orgasms and c) your own lack of self-confidence.

PaintingByNumbers · 22/06/2017 09:42

you dont need a reason to leave, if thats what you want to do. fairer to be honest than cast around for reasons/excuses

Groupie123 · 22/06/2017 11:22

So you want to leave because his new body and lifestyle makes you feel insecure?

Is there a reason why you can't join in, or get fit yourself? My husband is slimmer than me, and sporty while I'm not really, but we still like to go on walks/climbing together. I also make an effort with my appearance because I'm confident, and that confidence translates to sex too.

MaQueen · 22/06/2017 12:19

It wouldn't do for me. For me, a good marriage needs a hefty dose of passion otherwise you're just fond house mates.

Supersoaryflappypigeon · 22/06/2017 12:22

I wouldn't break up a family over it without exploring every avenue possible to improve things. I would say that it's not his fault you aren't happy with your size-and I say that as somebody who has and does struggle with my weight.

Brahms3rdracket · 22/06/2017 13:10

There's a very good chance, given that you're clearly not enthusiastic, that he thinks you're boring too. Nothing can change if you don't address this. If it's over for you though end it now before both of your self esteem is trashed.

I feel pretty sorry for your DH tbh after he's made an effort to cut out his problem drinking and get fitter. Perhaps it's now time to work on you.

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