to think a student "child" shouldn't get out of chores...

[orangesquashthethird]

just because she's sociable and out all day with friends and boyfriend.

Brother is less sociable and home all day and getting all the chores.

Admittedly she's not always eating with us but the food is being purchased just in case she does decide to come home and eat (another issue!).

She does her own washing and is in charge of cleaning her own room as is her brother (which she doesn't do). We fund them both to the tune of several thousand pounds a year to top up her student loan and provide a car.

The dog still needs walking, the plants need watering, shopping needs doing etc etc. DP and I can do it all without either of them but really what does that teach them about contributing to family life?

Yanbu.

I'd sat they get a free pass if they are spending the time studying but it shouldn't all fall to you dh and a brother just because she wants to go out

It's the holidays. He is home for 3 months. She is home for over 4 months.

Could you do a meal plan and get both to say what days they will be there to eat. No compromise if they say they are going to be there unless an emergency they will be there and if they say they won't, no food will be brought or prepared for them. My sister and I had to do this esp when boyfriends were on the scene. It worked really well.

As for the chores right them down, split them evenly and tell both children, preferably together so they dont feel singled out these are expected chores for their time here in the holidays, your house is not their hotel and they need to learn to manage their time.

How old is she?

It's not about them being 'children'. It's about living in a house with other adults.

If she doesn't want to share the chores, she can't expect to be put up!

They're both 19.

If they are living in the house, whether that be part-time or full-time, they should be mucking in. Socialising is great.... after the work is done... especially, if they are not contributing to family finances while on holiday... and even if they were they should still be mucking in... but if they aren't working then they should be doing the bulk of the work...

If she doesn't do chores then she must pay board or leave.

Rota them to meal plan and cook 1 or 2 times a week. List of chores which alternate each week.

If she does want to do it then withdraw financial support.

DP doesn't think she should do anything if she's "busy" with friends and we should wait until she stays at home for the day to ask her.