DH, the lawn, the bins.

[zara80]

AIBU or is DH a bit unusual?

He's a fantastic husband in many ways - kind, always means well, works very hard, very financially minded so takes care of that side of things. I can't fault him there. However, when at home he is focused on two areas and that's it -

1. The lawn. Even if the house was a bomb site, he would ignore that and just step over the mess, but if there is a single item on the lawn (e.g. a sock), he will be out there like a rocket, demanding to know who left it, when and why.

We have 3 boys under 11 and I am also "temporarily" looking after one of their friends after school until 6pm. Obviously, they're out in the garden in this weather and it's quite full on. I don't have the time or inclination to be tidying after them in this heat because I'm also doing dinner and generally dealing with them anyway. So DH is tending to make a fuss about the garden when he gets in and expects me to be bothered about it, but I think he should just let it go tbh. It is outside after all

2. Recycling. He is obsessed about reducing cardboard boxes and plastic containers into the smallest possible pieces so they can be stored most effectively in the recycling boxes out in the front garden. He has in average about 3 boxes from Amazon or whatever coming every day, containing bike stuff and all kinds of wires, as well as larger items like wheels. It blocks the hall so I put the stuff in the garage (aka his bike workshop) for him and then flatten the boxes as best I can and stuff them out the front. He thinks it is inconsiderate if me to leave this cardboard visible to the neighbours and he goes on about about it as if I don't have other priorities or actually care. Related to this is that he has even built a kind of shed for the large wheelie bins so that they are not visible either

It's not the end of the world, but how can I get him the shift his fastidiousness over to a few other more useful and pressing matters in our daily lives e.g. clearing dishes away or laundry, that kind of thing? Tbh I don't even need him to do much around the house, but stop bloody nagging me about cardboard and things outside!

I don't think IABU, but any ideas welcome.

Just reply with "Oh I'm not going to worry about the stuff on the lawn until XYZ has been sorted out, that's more of a priority for me."

If it's his cardboard he should deal with it all. Similarly if he is so bothered about the lawn it's his job to make dc's clear up, not nagging you to nag them. Put your foot down and tell him not to order you about too. He's not the boss!

Is my DH having an affair? Mine wouldn't say anything out koyd but can often be found outside grumbling over pool toys and the recycling

I have told him it's bad enough that all these boxes are coming all the time and the garage is full of his bikes. I told him I'd be quite happy to rip cardboard into tiny pieces if he would like to take over somewhere else. He just looks kind of blank and It's as if he's fixated on certain things and that's it.

Shove all the deliveries fully boxed into his workshop and let him sort it.

Yes just leave all his boxes in his workshop and let him do what he wants with the cardboard

Tinsel - yes, I do that as well, but sometimes I'm actually trying to help him out. It's not just delivery boxes though. He even looks in the kitchen bin and if there's any cardboard in there or plastic it's like the inquisition or, at the very least, a lot of huffing and puffing.

For me the point is, I could nag him about all sorts of things, but I don't, so why doesn't he see that?

Yes my DH is also selective about the things he does around the house. One of them is the bins and he does seem to think this exempts him from too much else. No advice I'm afraid, though I can sympathise.

Just reply with "Oh I'm not going to worry about the stuff on the lawn until XYZ has been sorted out, that's more of a priority for me."

Spot on.

Gah DH is like this with shit. He can walk past dirty work tops, toys everywhere, but God Forbid if the cutlery drawer is a mess or the big table Tit, its taken me absolutely years to learn to ignore him.

My husband is like this haha its so irritating!! He is more irritating with tasks though rather than cleaning and tidyness. For example we're going to move, he'll spend 3 days sorting through his cds and dvds deciding which ones to keep or get rid of but all the while I'll be packing boxes and dealing with estate agents and solicitors etc and then on day 3 he'll look up and say right better pack some boxes now but I'll have already done it all!

It's like they have tunnel vision completely focused on certain tasks only.

When I was previously married we had 5 under 11 and dh contribution was to tidy the cutlery drawer.
I feel your pain op..
His attitude def contributed to our divorce in a roundabout way.
Lack of team work being one of them.
Lots more worse also.

My dh is like this over the garden. Personally, I don't get why we should clear up the garden every day just for all the stuff to come out again the next day (so I just refuse unless it's due to rain) It irritates me when he huffs and puffs putting it all away because I know I willnow need to spend time getting it all out again the next day and because he huffs and puffs in my direction.

You shouldn't have to tidy up the garden after the kids, to be fair.

If they're old enough to play out there, they're old enough to give it a quick tidy after themselves.

Sadly I'm with your husband, wheelie bins and garbage need to be out of site till pick up. Grass is a status symbol and needs to be pristine.

Outtopasture - Grass is a status symbol ?

I have said to DH many times to just accept that my priorities are different to his. There is so much to do in the house (mainly caused by him and the boys) that I can't even begin to focus on outside.
If I ask him to do something he will sort of do it, but otherwise he does nothing or pointless things - e.g. If we have people coming over he will start bringing wheelie bins of leaves through the house or oily bikes after I've just washed the floors and he doesn't see the issue at all

Start nagging him about the laundry, hoovering anything and everything else

I'm sorry. Grass is a status symbol?!

I'm being a bit sarcastic
But many take their lawns seriously
www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2014/03/grass-lawns-2/

What does that say about those with artificial lawn though?

My DH is lawn obsessed too. Couldn't care if the flower beds are full of dandelions

He worries about it so you don't have to. I'd quite like a man who could keep the gardens nice for me. I wouldn't have to pay someone to do it😂 he sounds nice tbh.

It doesn't sound like he does anything else actually inside the house though HildaOg.
My DH can often be found doing random things outside too. I get that people "see" tasks that need doing differently, but I can't help think that some if it has to be selective.