Sorry, Was it Mothers Day or MILs Day?

[TreadmillMom]

I have to ask the question, as I am really not sure.
Okay so I am intelligent enough to realise the day is purely about commercialisation and holds no place on the Christian calendar but I am still vexed at not being acknowledged.
DH and DSs went to MILs on ?Mothers? Day from 10:30am to 8:30pm armed with fresh tulips, a card and a gift of money.
I spent the day alone, oh I had my duster and hoover for company and cleaned every room in the house, which took me approx 4 hours. I did however enjoy a hot shower all to myself and then climbed into bed for a well-deserved sleep until they all came back home.
DSs made me the most gorgeous cards at school/nursery but if it were not for the Local Education Authority they would not of known the day was for their mom!
DH explained to them they were going to ?nannys? for Mothers Day to say a big thank you for her consistent love, kindness and generosity (not disrespecting her, she IS the perfect MIL and deserves to know our appreciation in full) but what about me?
Do our sons not need their father to reinforce their ?appreciation? of their own mommy?
I feel wholly neglected on so many counts, since giving birth to my first son 3.5yrs ago I have slowly disappeared as a shadowy figure into the background. I feel ?omni present?, without me so much would NOT happen, but no one sees it?

To be honest, the ideal mother's day gift for me would be to have the whole house to myself for the day ... but I wouldn't spend my time cleaning
Did you tell your DH that you wanted to spend the day with your children? Why didn't you go with them to your MIL's house and be spoilt along with her - you seem to like her ....

Oooeer, would have been expecting a small token gift perhaps, a card at least.
And some time with the kids, would definetly bring it up.

to answer your question, yes and no.

yes its unreasonable of your DP not to do anything you are the mother of his children but then your MIL is your DP's mother, you could have gone with them. If you didn't tell your DP what u wanted then he won't know, he is a man after all!

Why didn't you go too?

Mothers day is linked historically to the church and does go way back incidentally, it's not all commercialism...unlike fathers day

This does seem a strange way for your Dh to behave.

I wonder why he did this? What do you think his response would be if asked?

i think its wierd he wanted to go to his mums alllll day withtout you, esp on mothers day...........think you need to ask him about this seriously, he's married, with children, his wife, the mother of HIS children needs to be appreciated now, fair enough to pop in etc or go for lunch, but that takes the p1ss. why did you agree to it? or was it last minute. if my dh had come in and said that thats what he was doing id have lost the plot a bit i think.

Earlier on in the week OH had suggested he take the kids off to MILs for the entire day so I could have a day to myself as my ?Mothers Day? gift, whoa, cool I thought. However, as the week progressed OH started to list jobs, ?while you are on your own, you could just do X, Y then Z? etc, etc. I said I wanted a day in bed, watch DVDs, eat chocolate, have a Baileys, smoke fags in the middle of the day! ?C?mon? says OH, ?you would expect me to do stuff if I had the day to myself?.
I could of argued or just not done any of it, but it needed doing and I just feel generally unappreciated so I thought WTF get on with it.
However, a card, a box of chocolates and whipping the kids into a frenzy for ?mom? would have been really nice.
Pathetically, cannot be arsed to even discuss the way it made me feel, it never ever changes anything, I get to be annoyed at the sound of my own voice sometimes.
We recently (very recently) bought our marriage back from the brink due to a lack of communication and appreciation but obviously lessons were not learned or even taken seriously!

Tmm,

i can appreciate how you feel. i did have to remind my dh i wanted a mothers day present! i bought for my mum and his mum, but it didnt occur until i said when are you taking the boys shopping! men need reminding as my sister told me, and it seems to be a sad fact.

i ended up cooking us all lunch, but hey, i guess on fathers day i dont expect him to do NOTHING either! (although i have already bought his present!!)

i hope next yrs is better for you. remind him early on!

Cx

TBH I would be inclined to revisit the same treatment on Fathers Day (which is a commercial day and nothing else). Then see how he likes it. Or will he not even notice?

Sounds like you're both testing each other, and setting ecah other up tp fail.

Him by giving you a day but'suggesting' jobs you could do, to see if you appreciate the offer and if you'll do them without resentemnt.

You by doing the jobs without complaining but then secretly seething at the 'proof' you have of his lack of consideration and appreciation.

If you brought your marriage back from the brink, you need to keep working on it and keep vigilant of all these resentments and games, or you could find yourself back there.

maybe try to approach in a 'no blame' type way e.g. what can we both do to make the other feel more appreciated?

I'm guessing if asked, he would say
'I took the kids out for the day,as you said the best present would be time for yourself (I'm improvising/guessing here)'
'I only suggested you do a couple of things that needed doing, you'd still have the rest of the day to yourself.'

In his mind he may have seen what he did as being considerate.

I only say this to highlight that things look different from the other side. he may well be unaware that yopu felt neglevted and actually thik that he did a good job and all are happy (or should be.)

Your present was takinh the kids out, he didn't think to do all the breakfast in bed thing as well.
(you have my sympathy i have a Dh a little like this, and always feel a bit disapointed by his best efforts at amking a fuss of me, but i know my Dh thinks he does quite a good job!))