I am the middle of 3 sisters.
I have a strained relationship with my family after their treatment of me over the years completely eroded my self esteem - ranging from a major event to continuous hurtful snubs.
I decided to step away and remain civil but I've always been torn as they are the only family I have .
I've recently had major surgery and have been in hospital. Nobody from my family visited me .
The surgery was preventative not curative , but it was done to prevent me getting an illness which would guarantee to kill me . I have 3 DC.
I've had very little contact with my family for years now .
My sister called me a few days ago and the conversation turned in to a subtle argument as it always does!
My sister feels like I never make any effort with the family and I pointed out that I did for a long time and then stopped as they would never reciprocate any effort . She admitted this and said it's just not her thing so it's up to me to make all the effort 
. I'm being stubborn by refusing to.
It also transpires that my whole family think I'm a bit of a drama llama and my surgery was "unnecessary " - I'm just making a fuss over something minor which may or may not happen I found this really offensive and obviously became quite cross at this as the surgery has not been easy and I'm still in recovery.
My family have quite a negative opinion of me - benefit scrounger (I'm disabled), hypochondriac , selfish etc because I don't make an effort with them .
Almost every interaction I have with my parents and siblings ends negatively and so I avoid them.
Obviously I've looked at myself over the years and wondered if I'm the problem , swallowed my pride and made an effort with them only for it to turn sour again as they can be very hurtful and excluding of me . Admittedly , I'm a sensitive person and given past history with them , I can take things harshly .
I have told my family how I feel and I was dismissed as causing trouble - even though they openly tell me I'm a benefits scrounger, paranoid etc
As usual, I'm still feeling bad about the conversation days later.
I'm so torn between cutting them off and trying to protect my self esteem (seeing them is a constant reminder of the way they've seriously hurt me) , or sucking it up and making an effort which I know will never be reciprocated as they have proven time and time again .
I doubt they will ever change their opinions of me.
I've been so much happier keeping myself out of the family but now I'm feeling guilty and don't know what to do.
WWYD?