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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU that he is not a dad and I should now just cut him off.

17 replies

Lonelymummyof1 · 20/06/2017 22:18

Long but do not want to drip feed.

DD had a life limiting condition and spent 20 months in hospital at once and now is in and out.
Her dad left at 2 weeks old and moved to jersey.
We are in london.
Obviously this means he does not see her a lot.
The first 18 months was awful, he verbally abused me a lot refused to pay any money whilst I was sat on my arse scrounging of the goverment ( was sat at our DD's bedside )
Then got in to drugs ( was never on them with me and I have o tolerance to them )
He ended up being sectioned and charged to for importing drugs.

Anyway after he got treatment he seemed to have improved and so did his behaviour however

2 accounts
DD went for open heart surgery and he did not ring for 3 weeks to see if she was okay.

DD caught a life threatning infection and ended up in ICU he did not come or answer my messages for over a week - did however manage to travel to another european country to see a ill relative who he had no contact with for 8 years.

He does see her every 4-6 months and I accomadate this he stays for 3 days and i stay at my sisters and he stays at mine.

He does not however in between this time ring very often.
In january we made a arragement about money 50-75 pound a month ( works full time, lives rent free at mums )

This has not always veen paid on time
This month it was due a week ago , I rang him no answer and he never responded.
Then DD was admitted poorly in to hospital still could not get hold of him.
He eventually rang and made usual excuses.
Said money would be in the next day at 3pm.
I explained I had no money and was in hospital with her.
3pm came and left with no sign of money.
Rang him again no answer.
Now its the day after and still 0 contact.

AIBU to just cut ties now.
I tried ringing him on fathers day so she could speak to him...nothing.

Now he is not even replying to texts about how she is.

When he is here ....he is father of the year.

OP posts:
Alittlepotofrosie · 20/06/2017 22:19

Have you tried going through the CSA?

EatTheChocolateTeapot · 20/06/2017 22:25

YANBU, I hope your DD gets better soon,

gillybeanz · 20/06/2017 22:30

you obviously can't trust his word and he isn't a father to your dd, his behaviour is terrible.
yes, go through CSA or whatever they are now, he should be paying for his child, what a waster.
She deserves better than this, poor little love.
I so hope your little girl is better soon, and nobody would blame you for cutting this man off, he's not a father.

GretchenFranklin · 20/06/2017 22:34

He is useless.

Best wishes to your little daughter Flowers

He can get to fuck.

Lonelymummyof1 · 20/06/2017 22:36

I always just see women being flamed for stopping contact unless physical abuse etc.
I just do not think it is fair though she deserves a person who really loves her.

OP posts:
BunsOfAnarchy · 20/06/2017 22:37

CSA his busted ass ASAP. DD deserves a father who WANTS to be part of her life. This gut is a total and utter prick (excuse the language)

My heart goes out to you and DD. Keep your head held high, be proud you have done so much for your child through thick and thin even when you hadnt a penny. And take that bag of shite to court.

Cut off contact yes...let CSA handle this. Speak to him only if necessary for CSA purposes.

And carry on being you.

Lonelymummyof1 · 20/06/2017 22:40

I am just so heartbroken that she has to go through so much and only has me.
Just do not get it.
She is the most beautiful funny little thing in my world and I can not understand how anyone can not love her when they have the chance to.

OP posts:
Lonelymummyof1 · 20/06/2017 22:41

He did not turn up to register her so not on certificate will this effect CSA ?

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 20/06/2017 22:44

You can still go to the CMS.

Get on it straight away.

He's a monumentally shit father. The least he can do is pay the legally required minimum. Git.

C0untDucku1a · 20/06/2017 22:47

I wouldnt be moving out of my home to accommodate him being a parent three days every few months. Thats ridiculous.

And yes cms for maintenance.

ClopySow · 20/06/2017 22:49

Stop feeling heartbroken for her, it's a massive waste of your emotional strength and it sounds like you really need all the emotional strength you can get. She's got you, that's all she knows and all she needs. Fuck him. Cut ties.

Go to the csa.

I wish i'd taken my own advice 10 years ago.

Seriously, don't waste another second of your time on him, he's not worth it.

Charley50 · 20/06/2017 22:50

That she's been so so poorly and he can still barely be bothered?!! Wow. I think maybe it's more damaging to have that sporadic contact, than none at all. She needs to know though that it is her 'dad' who has a problem, not her.
Flowers

titchy · 20/06/2017 23:06

Doesn't matter that he's not on birth certificate - you can still go through CMS. If he disputes paternity he'll have to take a test - which he pays for. If he refuses they'll assume she's his and continue. But phone them tomorrow - claims cannot be backdated.

Bambamboo · 29/06/2017 20:05

Advice pls
I've got a child who has special needs and quite challenging behaviour, always had support from schools as shows this behaviour at home and school, has 2-1 support, so my question is, social services have been mentioned by school and asked if I wanted them involved ( all the stigma about it I'm crapping my pants) maybe for extra support would be put straight onto category 3 due to child having brain injury from birth so would be child in need but I've heard the child in need can go straight onto child protection with out u knowing, so has anyone had any dealing with them and what has the outcome been? Many thanks for all replays

TeenyW123 · 29/06/2017 20:14

Hi Bam.

It's best to start your own thread.

At the top, under Topics, it says 'Start your own Thread'.

Fidoandacupoftea · 29/06/2017 20:30

YANBU OP ❤️❤️❤️ to your little one

Louiselouie0890 · 29/06/2017 21:07

Concentrate on your little one leave the idiot too it. You have enough on your plate

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