When someone downsizes and gives you some things, can they just say they want them back?

[jdoe8]

Just that really, I'm only talking about an ordinary table and several house plants. But I was a bit taken back when she said "I've now got room to have back my stuff". They were given to me on a "if you dont want them I'll just bin them" so I assumed it was forever. Although I will just give them back for the sake of friendship it doesn't seem right to me, it's been almost 3 years.

My AIBU I guess is to think she's out of order?

I agree it's a bit off. But not that big a deal if it's only a few things. Cheeky to use you as free storage - I'd be tempted to make a comment to that effect, I think!

Yes. She's out of order. It's not as if she could go rummaging round a landfill site and get them back is it? So if she said, "I'm going to bin them if you don't have them" then she's being very unreasonable.

I think she's BU and whether you choose to give them back should be up to you.

If she gave them to you because she was otherwise binning then she is absolutely being unreasonable.

The cheek of some people is just astonishing.

I'd hand her an invoice for storage costs actually!

Ha i'm tempted to invoice for storage. I accepted them more because I don't like things binned, I didn't really want them but I've looked after the plants well and had to repot them. If I knew this would happen I wouldn't have taken them in.

Buy some cheap plastic terracotta pots and keep your proper nice pots and say here are your plants. I've kept my pots!

She's completely mad . Houseplants!!

You've clearly made too good a job of caring for the plants! Take some cuttings so you can regrow more for yourself and yes, keep your nice pots, buy some cheap plastic ones to re-pot them in.

As for the table. if it doesn't mean anything to you, let her have it back and in future never accept anything from her again. I was once 'given' an old dining table, similar case, person downsizing was going to give it to charity shop and I actually needed one. Some instinct made me insist she take 20 quid for it. It was nice wood but wasn't in too good a shape, peeling varnish, cup rings, cigarette burns, chips and scars, legs all wobbly. I spent weeks repairing and refinishing it, first time I'd ever done anything like that. It turned out gorgeous, I was so proud of myself. You guessed it, as soon as she saw it, she wanted to buy it back. Told her no. She offered me 20 quid on top of my original 20 to "cover my time and work" in restoring it. I told her no. Still have the table, no longer have the 'friend'.

Tell her to go fuck herself. It's your table and plants, if she wants to buy them off you she can name a price.

Well I've said she's welcome to pick them up and left it at that, no way am I going to the effort of loading them and transporting them when we see each other at an event next weekend!

What the actual Fuck?
I only have 1 question. Do you still want to be friends with someone like this? I'd have bin both them and their freaking table.
I wouldn't give back the plants, especially if you grew them, repotted them and took care of them.
Tell her/him to sling her/his hook and take their friendship with them. I don't have time for wankers like this.

Well you know we all have that one weird friend, she's that one. I couldn't have two of her but I could write AIBUs all day about her..

After 3 years?! That's batshit.

id actually make it clear that you are a bit pissed off. Say she can have them back of course but point out that it is very odd behaviour. I do think its important to have clear boundaries so im not a big supporter of just acting like rude behaviour is fine for the sake of a friendship.

I'd give the stuff back for the sake of friendship, but it is very unreasonable of her.

(Would understand it if there was some explanation, like her having to downsize and terribly missing her plants and table ever after ... I become emotionally attached to things and would understand that, but without any explanation it's unreasonable, and especially about the table - what if you had gotten rid of your old table and actually needed the one she gave you?)

Does that mean you will have to buy a new table? If so, I would say - No, you were going to bin them if I didn't want them, so I took them. You didn't ask me for storage for 3 years, otherwise I would have charged you.

I don't think I'd normalise this by giving them back to her... It's a really, really weird thing to ask . How does she know the plants are even still alive? Or that you haven't upgraded the table and given the old one to the charity shop?

God, yes, Wine, I missed that. Of course you would have to replace the table if you give this one back...

I'd probably just give it back along with a passive aggressive comment about being glad she's taking that monstrosity off your hands and how you can't wait to find something more to your taste...

Definitely pot the plants into cheap crappy plastic pots and keep the nice ones.

And by give it back I mean allow her to collect . Obviously.

I'd have replied, "Do I look like Big Yellow Storage! You gave them to me to keep, not store. Heat must be getting to you to send that message "

Treated it like a joke. Which it is, whether intended to be or not.