To lose contact with old friend over this

[abitdowntoday]

I have an old friend who I've been very close to over the years, but since I've had my second baby she just makes me feel bad about everything and I dread seeing her/hearing from her.

It sounds a bit silly but she seems to really dislike my baby. She had a baby at a similar time and is CONSTANTLY gushing very overtly about friends babies in our group, but resolutely refuses to say anything positive about my DS whatsoever, just snidey negative remarks. This is the total opposite of how she was with my first baby.

She doesn't know but I've had a touch of PND this time and struggled to bond with my son a bit. Things are getting better but I'm very sensitive to any negative remarks. He is such a lovely, happy little thing and rarely cries...I know he's not so adorable looking as my first DS (just being objective) and it's like she is pleased about that. She's the sort of person that wants to be better than others and I know has been jealous of me about certain things in the past.

Losing contact with her will also mean losing or reducing contact with some girls in the same friendship group, but even receiving a text from her makes me feel sick...so I'm wondering if I should just cut ties. But then again we've been friends for such a long time and I don't know if I'm overreacting because of my PND.

WWDY?

She sounds mean spirited. How horrible to use s baby in her passive aggressive war. Dump her.

...a baby...

Can you talk to one of your other friends about it discreetly and see if they have noticed any peculiar behaviour from her? From the sounds of it she is being very spiteful and nasty BUT you also said you have PND and I am just wondering whether there is a possibility you are seeing things that aren't there?

In fact, no, reading your post again before posting my reply, I think you should cut ties with her. She sounds even more awful the second time reading it. It's not worth your health or sanity dealing with this jealous bitch

Thanks for the replies 😊

I have wondered if I'm seeing something that's not there, and it's possible I'm overreacting because of the PND/my own sensitivities but I'm definitely not making it up.

It seems such a shame to lose a longstanding friendship but friends are meant to make you feel good aren't they?!

Friends don't do this, you're right. It's not your imagination - she is actually deliberately withholding positive comments. The only reason people do this is because they are envious of you. Imo

I don't think you'd be imagining it, even if PND made it feel even more upsettting. I was part of a toxic mums group when I had my DC and I did have PND too. It meant I got over my normal politeness and tendency to keep trying to smooth over things and I ended up cutting out the group and felt miles better for it. There was a queen bee character who never said anything nice about me, my child or house but would fawn over random other people she deemed worthy. You'll find nicer peple if you reduce contact with her and have time to forge new friendships which don't make you feel bad.

Nina I think she has definitely been jealous in the past (and has admitted as much) but I think she feels somehow superior now...like 'ha! finally now I have something better than you-my baby is cuter than yours and I'm going to rub it in your face'

I know this sounds faintly ridiculous but I honestly think that's what going on.

I don't think you are being ridiculous - I know how this kind of seemingly minor thing can grate, especially when you have other things going on like PND.
I have a distant relative who behaves in a similar way - for her she is deeply competitive (I think due to insecurities) and so seizes on anything which makes her feel better. She was always commenting negatively on my DS and tried to enlist others eg "Katsu thinks her baby's hair is cute but it's a mess" sort of a thing. We mostly lost touch when she moved away to Europe but she is still a bit annoying on facebook - I can ignore now though.

Do not put up this shit. It's like a wood worm. It starts small, over time it eats and eats until the friendship is no good.
It's like all jokes and remarks are designed to elevate her whilst putting you down.
True Friends do not make you feel shit in order to feel better about themselves.

He is such a lovely, happy little thing and rarely cries.
Your baby sounds adorable.