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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Putting daughter in danger

15 replies

Pixiebutterfly83 · 20/06/2017 09:21

Sorry this may be a long one.

Just a few weeks ago my daughter (high school age) disclosed to the police officer within her school that a neighbour, who I was friends with, had tried to groom her, on more than 1 occasion. (Don't want to go into too much detail, I'm worried about being identified)

Due to the very close proximity of our houses and the fact we were close family friends I took the decision to move to my parents house, as I no longer felt it was going to be safe staying there. (I have told nobody there why we left or what had happened)

I went to the local council advised them of what had happened and asked to be temporarily rehomed and assessed for homelessness. My daughter is having panic attacks at the thought of returning there.

I took a few weeks to find us temporary accommodation. To a week later get a phone call to say that because he hasn't been charged pending investigations (forensic tests) and that the police believe they can manage the situation. They have rejected our homeless assessment and said we could return home. My biggest issue with this is that we stay in a very remote village and it would take any emergency service at least 20-25 minutes to reach us if anything happened. Not to mention I don't feel it's appropriate to place a child in a home in such close proximity to someone she has accused of such a crime.

AIBU to think that the council are being unreasonable, or am I blowing this all over the top.

OP posts:
Phosphorus · 20/06/2017 09:25

Well I am no expert, but unless he is charged I would imagine the council's hands are tied.

You could be making completely false allegations, as far as they are concerned.

At least, now that you know what your daughter alledges, she is safe.

reallyanotherone · 20/06/2017 09:36

When you say "groomed", do you mean sexually assaulted?

I am sorry to be so harsh, but they are completely different things. Grooming is the long process of getting a child to trust you enough to let you sexually assault them.

If he has only "tried to groom" her- and i say only not because I'm minimising but that likely in the eyes of the law, proving an adult being friendly to a child has ulterior motives will be difficult. Unless you have extensive evidence like emails and texts that demonstrate the process.

If he has sexually assalted her you then please don't say groom. He has actually committed the crime, and you need to use these words to police and social workers to make them realise what it is.

Can you stay with your parents a little longer? Are you in council housing already? Can you apply for a swap, even if you take somewhere smaller?

If it were me I'd be keeping her away if you possibly can.

Original poster
Pixiebutterfly83 · 20/06/2017 09:42

Ok, he's not been charged but that's because at this moment it's her word against his, but it's not a closed case as he is under investigation.

I haven't made any allegations, my daughter has, I was oblivious to it until the police contacted me.

My issue is more that I don't think having a child living within close proximity to someone she has accused of a crime of a sexual nature is appropriate. I am not expecting that he or his family be evicted. I haven't gone on a witch hunt or told anyone, but I do feel my daughters safety should be the priority here.

OP posts:
sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/06/2017 09:43

Are you actually homeless? I'm guessing not so I'm not sure what you expect the council to do really

Sorry your DD is having panic attacks but I would be focussing more on helping her get through this than blaming the council for something beyond their control

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 20/06/2017 09:45

Sorry, cross posted.

Of course your DD's safety is priority...but that's for you to keep her safe at the moment! There really isn't anything the council can do if he's not been charged.

Can't you stay longer with your parents while he's being investigated?

twattymctwatterson · 20/06/2017 09:48

really grooming IS an offence. Your post is very minimising

Original poster
Pixiebutterfly83 · 20/06/2017 09:48

Reallyanotherone, without going into too much detail, it was noted on the crime reference as grooming and sexual assault.

It is a council property we were in, but without the homeless assessment, we are classed as low priority, would take years to move. Home swap isn't really an option either. We can go back to my parents but it is very over crowded. And at the moment most likely my only option.

OP posts:
OhTheRoses · 20/06/2017 09:55

I am really sorry for your situation. But, the matter is in hand. If you owned your home it could take between two months (ludicrous end of spectrum) to two to three years to sell and move on. I don't think the council is being unreasonable here.

Pickleypickles · 20/06/2017 09:57

Something similar happened to my best friend, the guy was charged and it went to court, it took two years from first police report to the trial and that hole time he was bailed to a house she could see from her bedroom window. It was awful for her but when she complained to the police they basically said innocent until proven guilty and although the situation sacked they couldn't go round removing possibly innocent people from their homes or "rehome people on the basis of an allegation"
So no I don't think you are being unreasonable at all but I also don't think there is much you can do about it unfortunately, especially if he hasn't been charged. I don't know if it will help but you have to try and see it from the council/police point of view, if they rehomed you or him then some people who wanted to move or didn't like there neighbours would just make unfounded allegations which is awful but true.
Could you maybe rent privately ?

WorraLiberty · 20/06/2017 10:00

It's a truly awful situation OP

But like others, I don't see what the council can do really Thanks

Pinkheart5912 · 20/06/2017 10:10

I understand your desire to make your dd safe but Until his charged I doubt the council will be able to help, there hands are probably tied on this.

I don't know know anything about theses things but if your living at your parents are you even classed as homeless?

Have you taken your dd to the gp? They may be able to offer counselling and help with the the panic attacks

category12 · 20/06/2017 10:40

I'd look to homeswap.

reallyanotherone · 20/06/2017 10:48

really grooming IS an offence. Your post is very minimising

It isn't. The o/p said "tried to groom on more than one occasion"

I know grooming is an offence. I am not minimising or in any way saying grooming is not a crime. I was asking the o/p to clarify as "trying to groom" reads as "tried to commit and offence" not that he actually did.

The o/p has now said it's recorded as "grooming and sexual assault". Big difference to go to the council with that. As pp said the council will struggle if he hasn't actually done anything as opposed to if he has.

Oblomov17 · 20/06/2017 11:03

I too can not really see what the council can do. Do you have a caseworker? Is there any way that you can persuade them that this is not low priority, because of the panic attacks?

waitforitfdear · 20/06/2017 11:35

I suppose the only good thing here is you found out and you know his motives so that can help keep your dd safe going forward.

Awful for you though op it's a horrible situation

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