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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I fear for his future

14 replies

CrazyDaze1 · 19/06/2017 21:40

I am feeling very uneasy about how my daughter is raising her 7 year old son, an only child, who I love to bits but hardly get to see him as I am overseas for the next 5 years. She is a single parent and the deadbeat dad won't contribute a penny towards my grandson's upkeep and hasn't worked for years but has enough cash to chainsmoke.

My daughter says she 'hates the system' and is into all sorts of strange ideas, eg. avidly reads and believes what she sees on the David Icke website, the illuminati, into crystal healing and new age religions. What worries me though, is that she has never allowed my GS to have any vaccinations as she says she doesn't want 'toxins in my child'. She even told me that 'there wasn't any cancer before vaccinations were invented'. I am very worried about him not having even a tetanus jab and she refuses to use sunscreen as well.

A few years ago she said that she didn't believe that children shouldn't go to school until they were at least 7 years old, because that's what they do in Scandinavian countries. However, my GS is now 7 and she has no intention of sending him to school as she says is a radical homeschooler. She says it suits her lifestyle so she can go camping at festivals and doesn't want to have to be back home to send him to school on a Monday morning. She says she doesn't believe in children taking SATs or any exams.

I had to look up radical homeschooling online and I am shocked at what I've found. My grandson has absolutely no routine and often still up at 10.30pm...my daughter likes this so she can have a lie-in (she works 16 hours a week in a shop and my GS goes to a friend as far as I know when she is working). Sadly, my GS is barely reading or writing from what I've been shown on Facetime and from when I visited before Easter. My daughter just mainly wants to do art and has little interest in teaching any maths or science. She has no money for tutors and never goes to museums etc. (I have no idea how she pays for festivals). She doesn't really have any interest in IT and just uses her tablet to go online. Her friends keep dropping in day and night for cups of tea, chats and a smoke, they are mostly unemployed or work part time only, so this distracts from doing any kind of teaching

They live in a cramped flat so they do spend a lot of time going to the park and walking in the woods, but although this is fine for toddlers, surely not at 7 years old?

I tactfully suggested to my daughter that she really should consider sending him to school as a few months ago I was with him and he saw the local children going to school and said he would like to go too. She has always had a volatile temperament and I'm always walking on eggshells when I discuss anything with her. It seems that she has taken great offence and sent me a very nasty e-mail and hasn't taken any phone calls for weeks. I fear for his future and he may turn out to be not only feral but unemployable!

How can it be that it is allowed for children in the UK to have so little education? My parents used to say the 'school board man' would be round if we ever played truant so is there no such person these days?

I do know people whom have home schooled in the US and their kids have gone on to good universities - but they had proper lesson plans and the parents were very highly educated and supportive, so I do know it can work out fine.

This is what I found and this is exactly how my daughter is raising my GS and it worries me so much:

metro.co.uk/2016/07/18/off-grid-parents-who-refuse-medicine-home-school-and-breastfeed-son-5-6011667/

(I think my daughter follows the above mother, Adele Allen online)

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2520667/Unschooling-children-teach-games-life-experiences.html

I do wonder how the children in the articles are now doing? I should think that they would have little chance of becoming a doctor, dentist, engineer etc. if all of their education is going to be like this and that it isn't liberating....it's limiting their life chances.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 19/06/2017 21:48

It doesn't matter what you think, or i think or anyone thinks. It is her choice and legal. And as you are going to be a minimal part of his/their lives for the next 5 years i think you should accept it.

SqueeksAway · 19/06/2017 21:50

I would be worried too - not much advice but didn't want to read and run

You could suggest Steiner school so he socialises with kids his own age - without her to help him be his own person. She might go for that? Some free schools have a very liberated ethos as well but wtf are the schools inspectors doing I was sure homeschoolers get visited

hellobonjour · 19/06/2017 21:53
Hmm
HildaOg · 19/06/2017 22:04

I'd call social services, he's being socially and educationally neglected. I'm sure there are minimum standards that need to be met for homeschooling. If not, there needs to be. I think it's outrageous that parents can deprive their kids like that.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 19/06/2017 22:11

If you're worried about your grandson call social services.

AnnieOH1 · 19/06/2017 22:13

How much of this is fact and how my supposition? How do you know those friends dropping in aren't members of the HE community? How do you know what is of isn't being taught?

FWIW home education is categorically not a safe guarding issue. And you reporting them to SS may just end up with you being NC.

AlexaAmbidextra · 19/06/2017 22:13

Barbarian. How very predictable. Do you really think a grandmother has no right to concerned about her grandson in these circumstances?

witsender · 19/06/2017 22:16

She is unschooling, that isn't all that unusual. The non-vaxxing isn't my cup of tea however. He is only 7, he doesn't need to be reading yet and will get there.

BarbarianMum · 19/06/2017 22:17

Concern by itself is a pretty useless emotion. Won't help the OP, won't help the kid. So what's the point of us all piling on saying "oh yes how terrible"?

WhooooAmI24601 · 19/06/2017 22:18

I always thought that if you homeschooled in the UK you had to provide a clear, consistent outline of a curriculum to the local authority if they requested it, and had to prove that you are, in fact, providing an education? We have a few friends who HE for various reason and they're the most switched-on parents of bright kids I know (and I teach, so am predisposed to assuming school is the 'right' place for most DCs).

Look into what she has to provide; surely she has to have a plan in terms of what she's going to study with him and how she plans to achieve it? HE can work for many, many families, but it's Home Education, not Home Fuckaboutandbelazy.

witsender · 19/06/2017 22:19

You don't have to at all, that's a fallacy. You have to provide an education in line with their age and ability, nothing to do with any local curriculum. And authorities only have the right to see this if they have genuine and substantiated belief that the child is not being provided with it.

Voice0fReason · 19/06/2017 22:32

who I love to bits but hardly get to see him as I am overseas
I think my daughter follows the above mother, Adele Allen online
So you actually know very little. You hardly see them and you clearly don't discuss these things. You've made a lot of assumptions and it is obvious you don't approve of anything she is doing.
By all means report to Social Services if you want to but everything you have described is legal.

Could she be rebelling against the upbringing and education that she had?

GreenTulips · 19/06/2017 22:33

Is the dad around or other family members?

Jayfee · 19/06/2017 22:41

I am fairly confident that the local authority would require evidence that your daughter is providing your grandson with a reasonable level of education. It sounds like she has slipped through the net. I would make any anonymous call to thelocal authority to make a general enquiry about the situation. It is not fair to a child to leave him without the skills needed to make choices about his own path in life.

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