Premature twins/handwashing/visitors

[Monicavinader]

Hi all,

I'm about to bring my prem twins home and am expecting the inevitable influx of visitors. ILs are not people who wash their hands when they arrive (we all live in London so use Tube) - is it rude to ask them to do this? Can I ask my husband to ask them do this? They don't like to take off their shoes either. I don't make a big deal of it at the moment but really don't want them walking on the same carpets as the babies will be lying on/crawling in? It's been a tough time and I'm trying to balance my maternal instincts with being welcoming. Do people expect to hold babies/take it in turns as babies are passed around? I'm not sure how I feel about this. We're not close - they'll probably visit more now twins are here, but don't play a big part in our lives!

For handwashing/no one with colds in the house, for the first few months, blame it on advice from the paediatrician. But please don't blame them for any carpet worries you have, as it will sound so unconvincing that it will undermine the more important message.

YANBU at all. You have prem twins, they are more susceptible to picking up bugs and you want to do everything possible to avoid that.

When I bought my prem twins home, everyone was asked to wash their hands and then use antibacterial gel before holding them. No one minded and understood why, they were 8 weeks early, been in neonatal for 5 weeks and needed that extra bit of caution. As they get older and stronger, you can relax the rules more.

Manage expectations in advance. Be blunt. Never get eye-rolled into allowing something that you feel uncomfortable about.

Congratulations OP!

DH can ring PIL to remind them to bring their slippers with them.

Not rude at all.

Why would they object to anything at all where the health/wellbeing of their GC is concerned?

Even if they do object, they can just inwardly eyeroll whilst complying

Congratulations and YANBU.

Definitely get your DH to tell them to wash their hands. They'll either die mad or get over it, either way your priority is your children's health, not their sensitivities.

Explain how the hands are to be washed properly too. I see so many people in public toilets just flicking their hands under the tap for a second or two. From what I have been told your hands need to be under the tap for the time it takes to sing the 'Happy Birthday' song twice. This might even help with the call as it could be phrased as more of a 'this is the new special way the pediatrician wants us all to wash hands before handling the children' and less of 'I have to remind you to wash your hands' which would come off as implying they are unhygenic.

I wouldn't worry about the carpets too much. I put my twins on play mats and quilts on our carpets before they could crawl, and that kept chances of contamination down (we have cats). Once they can crawl they'll have better immune systems. Can you ask them to bring slippers, or provide slippers for them when they visit in the future? Some people have trouble when they take their shoes off due to balance issues, or they are embarrassed by foot odor, or other medical type reasons. Can your DH find out if these are issues for them? It might help with slipper selection.

Hey OP this is all perfectly reasonable to ask!

Might it be easier if you or your husband tells them this stuff before they visit so they're well aware. E.g. In a call to say 'when you come on x day please bring your slippers as we're having to be extra careful and have no outdoor shoes in the house at the moment. We're also having to wash our hands every time we come in from outdoors before handling the babies'.

I'd really appreciate that advice if I was visiting. I'd always take my shoes off in anyone's home but wouldn't necessarily wash my hands as soon as I arrived. I'd hate to unwittingly cause new parents to be stressed about asking me.

Congratulations! I bet the twins are gorgeous!

Congratulations, Peachy! Thanks everyone. Really appreciate the support.

Our twins were premature and we also made people wash their hands. To be honest if they care about you and your children it shouldn't be a big deal to them whether they agree with you or not. Congrats on your babies!

YANBU at all OP. Congratulations on your lovely babies! I was very strict on hand washing and taking shoes off when DS was born. My PIL were both quite sick with flu/cold when DS was born, they also moan about taking shoes off and they didn't meet him for 2 weeks! I would much rather irritate two grown adults about something that's very standard when around newborns than my baby get sick. Not going to lie... I definitely enjoyed the lack of visits from them in that 2 weeks!!

Congratulations! I had prem twins and you'll just have to be direct about this stuff. Dont worry about hurting peoples feelings. Your babies health comes first :)

I had premature twins. We were told not to have an influx of visitors at that point due to risk of infection/immature immunity etc.
Yes to the hand washing and hand gel too.

My friend had a premie and was actually advised not to use the antibacterial hand wash as apparently being exposed to low levels of bacteria was good for him.

I'd speak to dr/mw for their view.

@kitkat321 they are already exposed to germs just as a matter of course. But strangers germs can be harmful which is why in nicu units everyone is constantly washing and gelling their hands. Even a cold can put a premature baby back in hospital.

If they are your inlaws perhaps buy some slippers for them so they can pop those on

When we bought our preemie home i stood at the front door with a bottle of hand gel and made everyone who came in including the midwife and health visitor use it before they were allowed in everyone laughed about it noone was offended

Hand washing is better than hand gel; hand gel is better than nothing.

In a house with indoor plumbing, warm running water and soap, hand washing should be the first thing to do.